How to comfortably have sex as a FTM

[Axx17]

I'm 17,1 year 7 months on T, 5 months post op (top surgery), and pre op bottom surgery. Telling my boyfriend I was trans was hard enough, but thankfully he accepted me. Anyway, I've always wanted the experience of being sucked off, but blew off all the oppertunities I had because I didn't have it in me to tell them about "downstairs". I even grew out thick pubic hair to censor my parts, so I didn't have to see it. Shaving down there is the most irritating thing I've done. My skin gets irritated and painfully itches every time I did. My boyfriend wants me to shave there. How could I be comfortable while this goes on? I can't stand to look at it never mind someone handling it, but it's getting to the point where jerking off isn't doing much for me anymore.

[mooncab]

You could try applying mild moisturizing lotion after you shave. It really removes the itchiness/discomfort. The only downside is that it can feel kind of gross if you get sweaty down there. I'd also recommend wearing boxers or underwear that's loose and airy so that you don't rub against material as much as you would wearing something tighter.

I actually prefer to be shaved because I think a bush of pubic hair is more feminine than not. And I find shaving and grooming myself to be very relaxing generally. But yeah, dysphoria is still awful. I try to think about how a vagina is kind of more androgynous than a dick, like I imagine that if the world had only one gender, everyone's genitals would resemble a vagina, like we would all have more smooth, simple bodies? Maybe that's weird, but... it helps me feel a little better about not having a dick.

[Jake25]

In my opinion anyone who demands you make changes to your body is a tyrant. You shouldn't feel pressured to have sex if you don't want to. If I were you I'd dump him. Find someone more understanding who sees you as a human being capable of making your own decisions, and not a sex toy.

[Contravene]

It's not an unreasonable request to ask your partner or be asked to shave or at least groom that area. Personally I wouldn't want a mouthful of pubic hair either. That's hardly worth dumping someone over.


I suggest getting clippers and trimming the pubic mound area, thighs and wherever else there's an excess amount of hair. Trimming it will stop you from getting razor burn, keep it masculine looking and it'll be cleaner than just letting it go wild. Then use a razor to shave the uh undercarriage, if you know what I mean, basically the parts that correlate to a bio male scrotum and perineum. Yeah, sorry, even with medical terms it sounds kind of gross.

Edit: If you're still having problems witch hazel helps a lot with getting rid of irritated skin after shaving.

And there's your FTM manscaping guide. Grooming always gave me very bad dysphoria until I figured it out so hopefully some of that helps alleviate dysphoria for others.

[Lorlor]

I'd recommend continuing to not shave. I was bare down there for years at the request of various partners. It was painful and uncomfortable and just generally like the worst thing ever. I tried everything, only shaving after a warm shower or bath, baby lotion, rubbing deo on after shaving, all that jazz. Instead of shaving now I just let it grow (occasionally trim if I'm feeling it) and I feel so much better all the time. I finally have a partner who just wants me to be happy and doesn't care at all what's going on downstairs. Talk to your partner about why shaving is so awful and if he loves you he should understand, maybe tell him to try shaving...then maybe he'll at least understand how itchy and burny it is.
If ya gotta shave then avoid wearing tight undies or tight thick clothes. Use a brand new razor every time. Applying vasiline or baby oil after helps. Go very slow. Also I used nivea sensitive after shave lotion (for men!) it's super soothing and smells manly.

[AndrewB]

In my opinion anyone who demands you make changes to your body is a tyrant. You shouldn't feel pressured to have sex if you don't want to. If I were you I'd dump him. Find someone more understanding who sees you as a human being capable of making your own decisions, and not a sex toy.

I don't think asking someone to accommodate a little to preferences should be called something as extreme as a tyrant, especially if they don't know that shaving causes dysphoria. Now, if someone demanded you get top surgery, (or in the case of women, implants), that might be a little less acceptable in my book. Also I think you misunderstood a bit, it sounded like, to me, the OP wants to do stuff down there but his partner is uncomfortable with that much hair if he's going to go down there (which I totally understand, some people have a LOT of pubic hair).

As for advice, Axxon, I'd just talk with your partner about why it's so uncomfortable for you to shave. Another option might be trimming it down, at least, either with a guarded clipper (I use a #2, I think) or with scissors, by hand. If it doesn't work and still triggers some dysphoria, hey, he can't blame you for trying, right?

[AleksiJason]

I think it looks gross when its NOT shaved....I've been shaving down there since i was 17....after a year of shaving down there the itchiness and bumps go away.....it happened to me really bad but i just stuck with it and i guess my skin adapted and i dont get any irritation or bumps or itching.....if u keep up with shaving there every other day or so eventually the irritation symptoms go away

plus shaving makes your dick look bigger and makes sex feel a lot better

[AleksiJason]

as far as masturbation goes i find that humping things or just the floor feels much better than jerking off and hte orgasms are more intense

[ThePaper]

Honestly? If you hate the thought of shaving, it feels and looks gross to you afterward, and the only reason you're doing it is so your boyfriend will go down on you...don't do it. Because you're going to feel uncomfortable before, during and after as he tries to get off, and it's going to make getting aroused more difficult if you feel gross.

There are other fun things to do with a partner that don't involve direct genital contact. He can suck your nipples, he can lick and play with other parts of your body while you jerk yourself off, or you can rub on him and dry hump (fribbing). You can even use a soft packer as a barrier between him and your junk as you frib, so you get sensation and you don't have to look down and see something you don't want to. You could also do anal play, but you need to make sure things are clean down there first...