First of all, after I get the obligatory "don't self medicate" disclaimer out of the way, it's well known that many women self-medicate. I did in the past. I would not recommend it as a long term solution (and I wouldn't recommend it at all if you have an underlying health condition), but the fact is is that if you carefully research what you're doing it is relatively safe. When I got my prescription my Dr told me nothing I didn't already know (spiro is potassium sparing, potential estradiol side effects = deep vein thrombosis and pulmonary embolism, etc). She had me do basic fasting blood work and didn't even check my T. She said it doesn't impact what she does anyway b/c it varies over time so much. (She said she would check it if my results aren't acceptable farther down the road). I didn't need to see an endocrinologist either. In fact there is a clinic here in my town that will prescribe hormones simply based on informed consent. I'm not condoning self-medicating, I'm just being realistic here.
Second, there is nothing wrong with having doubts. That's healthy. This is a major step in your life. I've had and still have my doubts, not about what's right for me, but how it will effect others in my life that I love dearly (ie my kids). What I've come to realize about being trans (imo) is that it's my identity, it's who I feel I am. I will never be able to intellectually understand it or reason out the why of it, but yet something drives me forward. Try to listen to your heart. It's hard in the western world where we value logic so much, but it sounds like from what you say that you know what you want. Your doubts are possibly insecurities or fears of the future and how it will affect your life and the lives of those you care about. Those would all be extremely valid things to have concerns about, but it all comes down to being authentic and true to yourself. Deep down just try to trust yourself.
