Who else would love to have a body that could morph between fully functional man and fully functional female besides me? That would make life 2x as fun.
My development in early age has always been quite asynchronous to my same-aged peers and I often found solace with women & people older my age.
People often said to me: Why make everything so complicated? Why take everything so seriously? Why is everything so important to you? I was always 'too': too sensitive, too intense, too driven, too honest, too idealistic, too moral, too perfectionistic, too much for other people! My whole life I have been trying to adapt but I still feel like an outsider. Without a label to appoint to myself I had created my own, "I'm obviously insane. Nobody else but me gets upset by this injustice."
Giftedness
This view differs radically from the general consensus about giftedness as outstanding performance in school or visible success as an adult. Asynchrony means that you develop faster: you're not synchronized with peers and age-related
cultural norms. Giftedness is universally recognized as a disparity between mental age and physical age. The greater the difference between mental and physical age, the greater the sense of otherness. Ironically this asynchrony, this otherness, often is hard to fit in the patriarchal pictures of "a successful life." Asynchrony is apparent accompanied by anything but popular social characteristics: sensitivity, independence, intensity, curiosity, wit, depth, passion, reflection, moral awareness and perfectionism.
Androgyny
One aspect of the identity of the gifted woman is associated with androgyny, a concept that was developed by a psychologist at Stanford University: Sandra Bem. She sees femininity and masculinity not as opposite poles on a continuum but rather as parallel-running sets of traits. According to her you're neither completely feminine or masculine, you have a little of both or a lot of both. The androgynous person will exhibit high levels of so-called male characteristics (independence, autonomy, dominance) and at the same time feminine traits (warmth, awareness of others' feelings, expression).
If you want you could read her book "The Lenses of Gender" . She argues that gender polarization can be personally and socially destructive and that there are many more variations of masculine and feminine behaviour than society usually has in mind. Given the fact that we have a prejudice on certain qualities being masculine or feminine a number of psychologists and others state that creative people and gifted women are inclined to androgynous behaviour.
Heck one even states: "Women who are more androgynous, meaning that they have more male traits that go along with female have a significantly higher feeling of self-esteem than those whom are judged exclusively as female"
-> "Revolution from Within" - Gloria Steinem
So crowding out one of the two is really backwards...-> Studies in creativity* propose the following: creative people* have both an above average self-esteem as well as an above average degree of androgyny. Psychologist Ellen Winner speculates in her book about the subject of above exceptional children and prodigies: "Maybe because gifted children reject the prevailing values,
they also reject the gender stereotypes."She refers to a study of gifted teenagers by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihaly which found that "talented women score higher on achievement-motivation and dominance, two traits that are typically associated with masculinity and reject traditional feminine values such as cleanliness." Bararbar Kerr notes that: "Although gifted girls in many respects lean more towards giften boys than ordinary girls, they may nevertheless have the attitudes, values and social behavior of girls, perhaps to not show themselves different from the ruling norm". Put all the gender stereotyping besides but it's so obviously apparent and it's this protective attitude that is perhaps the reason that some gifted women and girls suppress their androgyny. Professor Constance Hollinger noted that it can evoke fear; as being told "that they can be anything they want" in terms of career and that it is ambiguous to accept "to be both masculine and feminine."
*Sorry for broadness, read the books if you want sources !
http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/can-you-hear-the-flowers-sing-issues-for-gifted-adultsThis is a good read too, "Can you hear the flowers sing?"
Four seminal quotes set the stage:
1). "Personality: A self-aware, self-chosen, self-affirmed, and self-determined unity of essential individual psychic qualities. Personality as defined here appears at the level of secondary integration" (Dabrowski, 1972, p. 301).
2). "The propensity for changing one's internal environment and the ability to influence positively the external environment indicate the capacity of the individual to develop. Almost as a rule, these factors are related to increased mental excitability, depressions, dissatisfaction with oneself, feelings of inferiority and guilt, states of anxiety, inhibitions, and ambivalences - all symptoms which the psychiatrist tends to label psychoneurotic. Given a definition of mental health as the development of the personality, we can say that all individuals who present active development in the direction of a higher level of personality (including most psychoneurotic patients) are mentally healthy" (Dabrowski, 1964, p. 112).
3). "Intense psychoneurotic processes are especially characteristic of accelerated development in its course towards the formation of personality. According to our theory accelerated psychic development is actually impossible without transition through processes of nervousness and psychoneuroses, without external and internal conflicts, without maladjustment to actual conditions in order to achieve adjustment to a higher level of values (to what 'ought to be'), and without conflicts with lower level realities as a result of spontaneous or deliberate choice to strengthen the bond with reality of higher level" (Dabrowski, 1972, p. 220).
4). "Psychoneuroses 'especially those of a higher level' provide an opportunity to 'take one's life in one's own hands'. They are expressive of a drive for psychic autonomy, especially moral autonomy, through transformation of a more or less primitively integrated structure. This is a process in which the individual himself becomes an active agent in his disintegration, and even breakdown. Thus the person finds a 'cure' for himself, not in the sense of a rehabilitation but rather in the sense of reaching a higher level than the one at which he was prior to disintegration. This occurs through a process of an education of oneself and of an inner psychic transformation. One of the main mechanisms of this process is a continual sense of looking into oneself as if from outside, followed by a conscious affirmation or negation of conditions and values in both the internal and external environments. Through the constant creation of himself, though the development of the inner psychic milieu and development of discriminating power with respect to both the inner and outer milieus - an individual goes through ever higher levels of 'neuroses' and at the same time through ever higher levels of universal development of his personality" (Dabrowski, 1972, p. 4).
Dabrowskis overexcitabilities & the Theory of Positive Disintegration.
These quotes capture the heart of Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintegration. The theory describes a process of personality development - the creation of a unique, individual personality.
Most people become socialized in their early family and school experiences. They largely accept the values and mores of society with little question and have no internal conflict in abiding by the basic tenents of society. In some cases, a person begins to notice and to imagine 'higher possibilities' in life. These disparities are driven by overexcitability -- an intense reaction to, and experience of the day-to-day stimuli of life. Eventually, one's perception of reality becomes differentiated into a hierarchy and all aspects of both external and internal life come to be evaluated on a vertical continuum of 'lower versus higher.' This experience often creates a series of deep and painful conflicts between lower, 'habitual' perceptions and reactions based on one's heredity and environment (socialization) and higher, volitional 'possibilities.' In the developing individual, these conflicts may lead to disintegrations and psychoneuroses, for Dabrowski, hallmarks of advanced growth. Eventually, through the processes of advanced development and positive disintegration, one is able to develop control over one's reactions and actions. Eventually, development culminates in the inhibition and extinction of lower levels of reality and behavior and their transcendence via the creation of a higher, autonomous and stable ideal self. The rote acceptance of social values yields to a critically examined and chosen hierarchy of values and aims that becomes a unique expression of the self -- becoming one's personality ideal.
Dabrowski acknowledged the strong and primitive influence of heredity (the first factor) and the robotic, dehumanizing (and de-individualizing) role of the social environment (the second factor). He also described a third factor of influence, a factor emerging from but surpassing heredity - "its activity is autonomous in relation to the first factor (hereditary) and the second (environmental) factor. It consists in a selective attitude with regard to the properties of one's own character and temperament, as well as, to environmental influences" (Dabrowski, 1973, p. 80). The third factor is initially expressed when a person begins to resist their lower impulses and the habitual responses characteristic of socialization. Emerging autonomy is reflected in conscious and volitional choices toward what a person perceives as 'higher' in their internal and external milieus. Over time, this 'new' conscious shaping of the personality comes to reflect an individual 'personality ideal,' an integrated hierarchy of values describing the sense of whom one wants to be and how one wants to live life. With the new freedom and force of the third factor, a person can see and avoid the lower in life and transcend to higher levels. The 'ought to be' of life can replace 'the what is.' It is important to realize that this is not simply an actualization of oneself as is; it involves tremendous conscious work in differentiating the higher and lower in the self and in moving away from lower selfish and egocentric goals toward an idealized image of how 'you ought to be.'
The idealized self is consciously constructed based on both emotional and cognitive foundations. Emotion and cognition become integrated and are reflected in a new approach to life -- feelings direct and shape ideas, goals and ideals, one's ideals work to express one's feelings. imagination is a critical component in this process -- we can literally imagine how it ought to be and how could be in this establishes ideals to try to attain.
Initially, people who are acting on low impulses or who are simply robotically emulating society have little self conflict. Most conflicts are external. During development, the clash between one's actual behavior and environment and one's imagined ideals creates a great deal of internal conflict. This conflict literally motivates the individual to resolve the situation, ideally by inhibiting those aspects he or she considers lower and by accentuating those aspects he or she considers higher. At the highest levels, there is a new harmony of thought, emotion and action that eliminates internal conflict. The individual is behaving in accord with their own personality ideal and consciously derived value structure and therefore feels no internal conflict. Often a person's external focus shifts to 'making the world a better place.'
In describing development, Dabrowski elaborated five levels occurring in three basic phases. The first stage, Level I, involves an integrated but lower level expression of hereditary and social forces. Dabrowski referred to this as a unilevel or primary level. The individual experiences little inner conflict and is initially, largely unaware of the 'higher possibilities of life.' Phase two is characterized by the process of disintegration and psychoneuroses are common features of these levels (Levels II, III and IV). The familiar security of habit is shattered by doubts as the person comes to discover higher levels in life. The lower versus higher continuum signals a shift to the multilevel experience of life (Levels III and IV). The third phase, Level V, is the highest level, second integration, characterized by the expression of one's unique and autonomous personality.
Difference between high-intelligence, giftedness and genius
Well there's still a clear diffirence inbetween highly intelligent and gifted although the intellectual overexcitability is one of Dabrowski's supersensitivities common in gifted people. This overexcitability is characterized by an intense and accelerated mental activity, it is not concerned with academic achievement. Instead, it is concerned with a love of truth and quest for understanding.
Signs of this overexcitability are a high level of curiosity, deep concentration, the capacity for sustained intellectual effort, and a wide variety of interests. Children with this overexcitability tend to be avid readers in their quest for knowledge. They are also excellent problem solvers and love to strategize.
These people ask deep and probing questions, questions about God, death, and the meaning of life, for example. They are theoretical and introspective and can be preoccupied with certain problems, often those involving moral issues
People often believe that intellectual overexcitability is the same as high intelligence, but it's not. people with intellectual overexcitability tend to be interested in cultural events, social issues, and learning new theories. people without these overexcitability or with a lesser degree of it, tend not to have such interests and may instead excel in practical intelligence.
A genius to me constitutes not only high intelligence but one that applies it too.
Moral of this story?
I discovered this theory at a young age so always had it in mind whenever I felt dysphoria well up.
Yeah I didn't win the ticket at life, all my school life I was dubbed smart but I am the classical underachiever, not being true to my feelings has led to depression, suicide & drug abuse & such a crippling anxiety I barely leave the house anymore.
Not only that my integerism is holding me back in the workforce aswell, most recently I did 80 hour weeks constructing, building & painting a 150m² space and I really only charged half of the hours invested because "it didn't feel right"
That was easily a 3k job in other peoples eyes.
That's pretty dumb because my family is poor and I dearly need cash.
But now I am finally breaking through all the barriers.
Perhaps I truely am female though, I know i've had reoccuring thoughts and feelings and even done things that do not allign at all with being male.
I just want to express myself and not be judged because I am male. Yes, I know I will be judged as a woman too but that's fine. I have some things I want to do in life but I withold because of a lifelong of judgement.
Thus I say i'm transgender and will go on HRT so I can finally get on with my life, it's easier for people to understand one or the other albeit I sure am choosing a road that will be difficult & harsh, I know my inner experience reflects it much more and will be in tune to the road of happiness.
I am tired of the ruling norm.
Whether my ->-bleeped-<- has biological, psychological or intellectual basis...
I will follow my dreams
The Duality witheld by a Sea of Blood.
