"my therapist tells me I have to find the answers myself because only I can answer them"
Makes you wonder why we see (and pay) them at all.
I have similar thoughts regarding my gender dysphoria, though I don't articulate them in forums such as these, as that kind of commentary can be destabilising for others. Personally I like deconstructing the how and why of my GD. Many people argue that the how and why isn't as important as simply knowing that you're trans. I don't think such statements are very helpful, because I do have doubts as to the source and nature of my GD, and those thoughts are surely one factor that drives GD. One thing is for sure, and that is there are times when the thought of not transitioning leads me to a very dark place, if you know what I mean. So that's a consideration that's difficult to ignore. That said, I can't help but doubt the idea that transitioning is the only therapeutic path available. Then again, perhaps it's the only path available to us today.
I'm a month into my third round of HRT in four years. Ironically, my on-again-off-again HRT isn't the result of not wanting to transition, but rather a result of numerous external factors (family, friends, workplace, etc.) Hopefully this time I'll continue with my transition (full or otherwise, I'm not sure yet), but whether I'm in the process of transitioning or not, my mind always ends up considering the roots of my GD.
