Between a rock and a hard place :/

[AshBear]

Okay, so I usually just browse here to see a glimpse of others daily lives, and maybe try to raise morale a bit with some inspiring stories that you wonderful people post. I'm only stepping up to make myself known, to ask for suggestions as I'm a very timid person so Being forward isn't my forte.

Here's the story; I'm 16 years old, and I'm pre-everything associated with transition. My aunt (who I live with) knows that I've had gender identity issues in the past and I've told her in a letter (about two months ago, now) about my struggle with living as a male, because It's honestly not me.

She's a nurse so I'm sure she's knows some about hormones, but I've been very afraid of confronting her about beginning hormone replacement or at least considering it. I've no idea how to even bring it up, because we've been distant for so long, and I don't want to face rejection (yes, that's me being immature. It's just a character flaw, I'd guess). I'm very nervous about talking to her about these things, because where I live there's not really any LGBTQ+ support, and the closest Gender Therapist is four hours away so that's not something I think I'll be able to do.. But I can't wait until I'm 18 because sometimes I'll fall into a dark mood and get very self-doubtful and it becomes impossible for me to live with myself and it's killing me.

I'm sorry for ranting/going off-topic so far, I have a lot on my mind

Well, what I'm looking for is just some advice on how to convince my aunt to at least consider letting me begin HRT because If I wait longer, It'll have less effect *or so I've heard, correct me if I'm incorrect.*

I'm not sure how to bring it up, or to ask about it/

Thank you for your time, friends.

[Ms Grace]

You might find you will have more to base your request on if you are able to talk to a counsellor first. Your aunt is more likely to agree to HRT if there is some professional backing behind you. Chances are you may need to do that to get started anyway.

[AshBear]

Well, I was seeing a therapist however she didn't want to discuss anything related to gender in the four months I saw her, so I told my aunt that It wasn't helping to see her. So, I'm not sure how I'd be able to start seeing a therapist again after I'd told her that therapy wasn't helping

[suzifrommd]

Make sure your aunt knows:
* Being transgender is not something you chose. You were born that way.
* Being transgender is SERIOUS. Severe anxiety and depression are common among those who ignore it.
* It typically doesn't go away on it's own, and no one has found a way to make someone no longer transgender.
* Transitioning to live as our identified gender is a recognized treatment with a very high success rate.

I.e. the choice is between transition and a lifetime of serious psychological complications.

She also should understand that there are therapists that specialize in transgender people. Because your issues involve being transgender, seeing a therapist who is not knowledgeable about trans people is not going to be helpful. You were right to ditch your therapist. If she's not willing to talk about the one thing that bothers you or get you help from somewhere else, you are, very literally, better off without her.

It might help to get other adults involved. If there is a counselor at school or a local PFLAG organization, they might be able to help.

The bad news, is that your days of acting timid may need to end. Your best hope for getting help is advocating for yourself. You have the courage within you to get the help you need. Look inside you for the courage. It's there. I promise.

Hugs, AshBear. Please keep posting. We're here when you need us.

[JoanneB]

Being 16 puts you between a rock and a hard place
Being 4 Hours from a for real gender therapist puts you between a rock and a hard place
Living with your aunt (legal guardian?) puts you between a rock and a hard place.

Having lived for a while out in the boonies where the closest gender therapist was a good 3 hour drive away I'll take a wild guess that IF you actually the permission slip from a therapist (Which presupposes your aunt is in full agreement and can get the time off from work to get you to your appointments) and if you were lucky enough to find an endo that treated adult trans people within anything less then a 2 hour ride, he'll want to go the way of puberty blockers untill you are at least 18. From what I hear, they are super expensive compared to hormones.

Plan B... start googling for some "Local" support. For me local was only an hour and a half away. Even the more local college town college had no official resources I found out after some digging there. A good way to start is contacting state or county level LGBT groups, especially a trans specific one. You should especially get a hold of PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. There may be a local group and from what I've seen with them they do a great job with transgender youth and even adults.

Being afraid to really talk to your aunt is pretty normal. Especially in your situation I think. But, the genie is out of the bottle. You told here about feeling trans. Perhaps rather than escalating that (especially since there has been this long period of nothing about it and she is perhaps thinking "just a phase") to today's "I want to start HRT", tell her you want to, need to, find some support, be it a TG support group or therapist that is T friendly. The Psychology Today doc find can be of some help. They do have a "gender issues" search key. Since she is a nurse she has contacts that she may be able to reach out for help in finding an LGBT friendly therapist. Keep in mind that this is a huge step and perhaps risk for her if you are in a small minded rural area

[amber roskamp]

First thing I want to say is fearing rejection isn't immature, especially when that rejection is potentially coming from a family member. It one of the hardest things to do. Unfortunately since u aren't 18, you need to have your legal guardian give consent before you go to treatment of any kind. so unless u want to wait till u are 18 to start therapy then you need to bring it up to her. Also u don't need to bring up hormones right away. Bring up therapy first. You, your guardian ( your aunt?) and your therapist can talk about it. He can help your legal guardian understand why it is so important that you take hormones.

I understand that the distance is an issue but you may be able to find someone who can work with you online.

Good luck, hun! I hope everything world out for you.