Ethics of stealth sex

[Nicole]

Stealth is deception to what we are. We have the misfortune of being born male not born female. All we need is one record of our past(anywhere) as a male to get outed. Another way to be outed is being in the hospital (after our SRS) and the medical staff find we have a prostrate gland.
Another would be they find out that we don't have a uterus, Fallopian tubes and ovaries. We could be in the hospital for any reason like an accident or we could be complaining about pain in our bodies. Also don't show up at a high school reunion and brag about beating him at chess and you were the only one that beat him. Watch out for anyone is curious about you but there is no history of you on the internet. Another way would be you had sex with him without telling. he finds out and he carries out his friends opinion. Which means he kills you. Times are slowly getting better where there is more society acceptance.

I don't know how often this needs to be explained.
I've got 2 friends that know, my family also know, if anyone was going to was to be contacted, it would be mum (I think she knows), other family members or my 2 best friends, all know.
The doctors also, under law would not discuss a huge thing such as being trans with just a friend, it would be a family member.
Not that hard to understand, surely. Yes there are some who cut all ties with their past, inc. family, but a simple search of a health care system would track down family members based on ID.
As for men, in Australia there has been 1 trans person killed that I can remember, she was murdered by her partner that knew about her past, he then killed himself, from reports it had nothing to do with her being trans. I think it says a lot more about where you're from than anything else, living in fear is not life.

Yes there are dangers being trans in Australia, it was one of the many reasons I went stealth from day dot. It's also one of the reasons why when I was fighting in the family courts when I was 15 to get on HRT, my details were suppressed. My old name, my new name and my families name all suppressed by a judge who knew what she was doing because she had worked with trans youth even back then.
The details weren't released at all to the media, I'm sure a search of a court record by someone knowing what they're doing and looking for could turn it up, but I have money and I will sue.

As for high school reunions, there isn't a way in hell you could get me to one, I hated high school so much that I spent most of the time hiding, head down in books or wagging (cutting), the times I did go I was bashed, bullied, treated like ->-bleeped-<-. Even going back to my home state can get me in a corner crying.

Those of us who are stealth that have been at it for a while know what we're doing

[janetcgtv]

Nicole:
I can understand stealth. When I was young George Jorgensen came back as Christine from her surgery in Denmark. The press attacked her in every manner and a cross dresser was murdered walking on Chicago Ave near State St in Chicago, The murder was not investigated, I went completely underground.For those who try to ignore that they were unfortunately born male instead of being born female,There is saying,#5% happens. And it happens at the worst time.Unfortunately fear is a part of life. Try fantasing(keypad stuck) your a wildebeest and a pride of lions is coming your way. As well as what happens to all the other animals. or be Jewish and the Gestapo is coming up your steps.You can be in stealth with strangers. But if you want to get involved with a boy friend you should tell him. After all you want him to get involved with you not someone else he is thinking you were born. In high school I threw everyone off by being a bully, except I would pick on bigger kids.

[Nicole]

I think you're just living scared. I don't know if thats a product of living in the states, which I seem to think that a lot of americans walk around with a fear of being murdered/attacked as a everyday thing or a by-product of being out in a time that was hell for transpeople, it could be the lack of real education in the areas you're also from.
In Australia, and having worked in the media, I can tell you that NO dead body ever goes un-noticed, people go missing, but they are all looked into. We often used to get releases about missing people who were just hanging with friends for a couple of nights without a phone.
What happened back then to that cross-dresser is a shame, but I think it says more about the American system than anything else.

I wasn't having a pick at you by saying all that, btw.

I have dated guys, I have slept with my fair share as well, I have been in love once.
I debated long and hard with the pros & cons of telling him, I wanted to, I didn't want to. I was never scared of what might happen, he wasn't a hitter, he ended up cheating on me with his ex. While broken hearted and hurt, in a way I was glad, we were drifting apart at the time.
I had many long chats over many drinks with my 2 closest friends about it, I also talked with my mother about it.
He knew from the second date that I could not have kids, that was never an issue, he was fine with it, but deep down wanted kids.

As for the rest of the guys, some know I cannot have kids, others don't need to know.

Nothing from my appearance says I'm trans, I've had the same gynaecologist since I had my GRS/SRS, she can see nothing trans about my vagina, I've had to change doctors once since then as well. I've even had transpeople who've I met through work have no idea, and no one clocks a transperson better than a transperson.

No doctor in their right mind would ever just some out and say to non-family members anything about being trans.
Of those in my life who know, none would ever say something about it, I know this because I know them, I love them and they love me.

Also, in the end, its my life.

[beren_ts]

I think you're just living scared. I don't know if thats a product of living in the states, which I seem to think that a lot of americans walk around with a fear of being murdered/attacked as a everyday thing or a by-product of being out in a time that was hell for transpeople, it could be the lack of real education in the areas you're also from.
In Australia, and having worked in the media, I can tell you that NO dead body ever goes un-noticed, people go missing, but they are all looked into. We often used to get releases about missing people who were just hanging with friends for a couple of nights without a phone.
What happened back then to that cross-dresser is a shame, but I think it says more about the American system than anything else.

I wasn't having a pick at you by saying all that, btw.

I have dated guys, I have slept with my fair share as well, I have been in love once.
I debated long and hard with the pros & cons of telling him, I wanted to, I didn't want to. I was never scared of what might happen, he wasn't a hitter, he ended up cheating on me with his ex. While broken hearted and hurt, in a way I was glad, we were drifting apart at the time.
I had many long chats over many drinks with my 2 closest friends about it, I also talked with my mother about it.
He knew from the second date that I could not have kids, that was never an issue, he was fine with it, but deep down wanted kids.

As for the rest of the guys, some know I cannot have kids, others don't need to know.

Nothing from my appearance says I'm trans, I've had the same gynaecologist since I had my GRS/SRS, she can see nothing trans about my vagina, I've had to change doctors once since then as well. I've even had transpeople who've I met through work have no idea, and no one clocks a transperson better than a transperson.

No doctor in their right mind would ever just some out and say to non-family members anything about being trans.
Of those in my life who know, none would ever say something about it, I know this because I know them, I love them and they love me.

Also, in the end, its my life.

Im with you on this. I think most people who are against the idea of being stealth don't even have the opportunity to do so because they do not pass. It may sound insensitive to say so but it's true.
I mean there were instances were i had to come out to specific people in order to get my documents changed, the thing is they even refused to believe i was ''transitioning''. They thought i was fu..ing with them!
That would make some trans girls on this site really happy, but it was horrible for me to explain them everything and answering their (really inappropriate and insulting) questions. After i convinced them, they made comments about my surgeon being such an artist and that how good he made me look. And i don't even had any work done!! Nowhere on my body!!!

That's what i fear the most about being openly trans. If you look entirely female, they'll always asume you had plastic surgery done. Then they will always comment on how fake you are and that how without surgery you would still look like man and stuff... Look at the comments on some transgirls instagram accounts. They are so hateful.
I could never ever imagine to be openly out as trans. I think id rather die!!!

Mod Edit- Singling out a specific group is against TOS.

[Jessica Merriman]

Im with you on this. I think most people who are against the idea of being stealth don't even have the opportunity to do so because they do not pass.
I could never ever imagine to be openly out as trans. I think id rather die!!!

Actually we older transitioners do very well. Why? because we have life experience to keep us on course and able to comprehend and react appropriately. Most of us were also raised with strong moral convictions and an honest days work. We know that stealth by definition means to deceive or lie. That goes against many of our personal credos. You cannot erase who you were so making peace with it is the only thing you can do and then move on.

The last sentence in your quote makes me think you find your community to be an embarrassment or something to be ashamed of. Well, like it or not, deception or not it is your community. You are like the rest of us, you will never not be transgender.

[beren_ts]

Actually we older transitioners do very well. Why? because we have life experience to keep us on course and able to comprehend and react appropriately. Most of us were also raised with strong moral convictions and an honest days work. We know that stealth by definition means to deceive or lie. That goes against many of our personal credos. You cannot erase who you were so making peace with it is the only thing you can do and then move on.

The last sentence in your quote makes me think you find your community to be an embarrassment or something to be ashamed of. Well, like it or not, deception or not it is your community. You are like the rest of us, you will never not be transgender.

Jessica. I think we should agree to disagree on this topic. I did never identify myself as transgender. Never really.
I don't think it's bad if you do, but i never really did. I don't know maybe im mentally ill to think or to know that im female, but i do. Im going to get srs this year or next. After that im done with everything trans related. After that nothing differentiate me from a XY female with ais. Not even my pelvis like you stated before.
And they are definitely not trans, they just happen to be born with XY chromosmes.

[Mariah]

 
Okay folks here is the deal. This discussion has run it's course and as a result of TOS Violations this thread will remain closed. It's important to be careful in what we post because singling out any group is against TOS and offensive to those people that are being singled out. Remember it's all about treating others as you want to be treated. Not everyone holds your same views that includes on being trans or stealth for that matter. Thanks
Mariah

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