Problems with co-worker

[poznetpunk]

So I have this co-worker that has been treating me horribly. I talked to my manager about it and she told me to try to ignore it and said that he has a habit of doing this with new people. Well, including me there are 4 new people. 1 is a male who the co-worker is all buddy buddy with the other 2 are a couple of "girly girls" and he treats them perfectly sweet and helpful... I feel there is something off here..

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[Ms Grace]

How is he treating you badly? What is he doing? You should write it down, time and date - then you have something to take to your manager.

[poznetpunk]

Well whenever I have a question about how to make things or something like that he completely ignores me. Then when he does speak to me he is very rude and talks to me like I'm stupid. Also the other night I heard him mocking me and making fun of me to the male new employee. Now the male employee is starting to treat me the same way that's when I brought it up to my manager. I just don't understand what I did to offend him so badly, I am a very kind and polite person I never treat people in any way I wouldn't want to be treated. It has gotten to a point that when he is working with me I start messing things up and making mistakes. I am not a stupid person I have tested well above average so I'm not sure why he feel he needs to speak to me that way. The manager I spoke to said she would have a talk with him and if that fails I'll move up the later to the higher up managers. If push comes to shove I have been offered a job at the gas station I go to everyday before work.

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[Ms Grace]

Is it transition or gender presentation related?

Mind you some people can just be jerks for no reason other than they are jerks but it sounds like they have some bigoted attitude towards you.

[Cindy]

It is important, if you can, to keep a record or a diary of such events and even what was said and in what circumstance. I'm not familiar with USA law but workplace bullying is a serious issue that is taken seriously by management and the Courts. Management know this and they are responsible for your safety under law.

May I also express my heartfelt sorrow that you are suffering in this way.

Cindy

[poznetpunk]

I can't say for sure but I feel has to be somewhat related to the fact that I'm not a textbook girl since I don't see him treating any of the other women that way. He treats all the other women with a very charming personality. Not including he just started off treating me this way before I even had a chance to do anything wrong so I feel it has to have something to do with appearance or something. I've run into problems with co-workers before who are homophobic since many assume I am a lesbian due to my boyish dress and boyish personality. Maybe that's part of the problem I'm not sure. All I know is its starting to really bother me which is saying something because I really don't get easily upset or discouraged. I've even considered quitting just to get away from him.

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[poznetpunk]

Thank you very much Cindy it's good having people to talk to about these things. With my regular friends and family if I tell them I think someone is treating me wrong because of the way I dress they simply say well if you would just be more girly. On the subject of writing it down.. I can't really stop to do it (I work at a restaurant) but maybe I could down load a voice recorder and quickly pull it out and say the time when he does something and try to keep track in my head the order he does it in so I can write it when I get home.

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[Cindy]

There is absolutely no reason to criticise or be rude to anyone for their gender identity or sexulaity.

We are human beings, the same as everyone else. And we are strong.

Always remember you have your family, your brothers and sisters here to talk to. We do understand!

[suzifrommd]

Don't know what country you're in. If you're in the US, your employer has a legal obligation to provide you a workplace that is free of harassment. If your treatment rises to the level of harassment and is based on your gender presentation or identity, that is considered sex discrimination by the EEOC. Your employer is required to address the situation and not simply say "ignore it".

My advice (though I'm not a lawyer):
* Write everything down. Document everything your coworker or your employer says, with times and dates.
* If you're a member of a union, consult your union. If not, look around for a local LGBT rights agency, like Lambda Legal. Most areas have them.
* Before you quit, speak to your employer. Be very professional, but tell them you are being subject to a hostile workplace and ask that they do something about it.

Good luck. You have a right not to be treated badly at work.