Annoyingly nosy friend

[BenKenobi]

My friend knows I am transgender. She knows I am going to therapy and she knows I want to get on hormones. Personally I don't mind when people ask questions. It allows them to learn on a more personal level so I absolutely abhor saying "none of your business". That said, I hate how she turns things around on me like I'm doing something wrong. For example she asked how my recent therapy appt went. Fair enough question. I say not bad and that i could be getting on hormones a lot sooner than anticipated. She inquired about what i said about having to wait a certain amount of time. Another fair enough question. I informed her about "informed consent" and such. Then she asks "so why bother with therapy at all?"

Gee i dunno. Maybe some people want professional help to work through it? Maybe because I'll need a referral to endos who DO that?

At this point in time it was late and my mind does NOT operate well at night so i just remained silent in aggravation. I did say i wanted a therapist for my own reasons because I'm as neurotic as they come. The final kick in the head was "i think you should wait until you have those issues handled before you start hormones".

What the ->-bleeped-<-? I never asked what you thought. I don't care. Nevermind it would take YEARS for that to happen because I can only afford a once a month visit at most. Then she presses me to see her therapist (which she specifies handles women issues). Ok my therapist isn't the best in the world but I AM capable of doing research and i sure as ->-bleeped-<- am not going to someone who probably would be ridiculously ignorant of trans issues not to mention more expensive.

-flips desk-

[AndrewB]

Yikes, I've experienced a few issues like this, when people try to dictate how you go about conducting your therapy/HRT/other issues, like they understand a process they've never experienced. I know it's not super similar, but back when I was getting my top surgery letter from a therapist, my parents kept suggesting what I talk about with him (we were fighting quite a bit, between the three of us) and insisted I had anger issues without understanding that they were my biggest triggers in suggesting how I conduct therapy. So yeah, pushy, nosy, "mother knows best" attitudes are the worst, and it sucks you have to push through 'em, too. If it were me, I'd just tell that friend that how you go about treatment is between yourself and healthcare professionals, and you'd like to keep it that way, since she clearly has nothing nice to say about your journey toward transition.

On a happier note, here's to hoping you get your letter and T sooner than expected! That's always a happy moment!

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Its just an uninformed person trying to help.

If people only spoke on what they truly know about, the world would be a very quiet place.

[BenKenobi]

Thanks. She's a great friend but I hate when she starts going on about what I should or shouldn't do. I find it ironic that she gets annoyed when other people do the same to her.

The funny thing is that she also wants me to move in with her because she's about to be homeless. She quit a great paying job and just stuck with her lower paying one that she -sometimes- goes to. Now I'm in an awkward position where i want to help but I can't trust her and i can't tolerate her for more than a few days.

[suzifrommd]

I did say i wanted a therapist for my own reasons because I'm as neurotic as they come. The final kick in the head was "i think you should wait until you have those issues handled before you start hormones".

Sorry you have to put up with this, Ben.

Thing is, cis people don't get it.

This isn't like changing our hairdo or redecorating our foyer. This is our opportunity to be ourselves. There's no way your friend could understand what gender dysphoria feels like or how hard it is to live a life that belongs to someone else.

If it were, me I would take this as an opportunity to educate her, and would not count on her for support. But I wouldn't blame you if you decided it was just to aggravating to deal with her.

[RaptorChops]

Honestly, I would NOT move in with her. I'm not trying to be mean I mean yeah I would feel bad if she was going to be homeless but she's putting herself in that position. She sounds like the type of person that will at some point dick you over with rent. So if she messes up you're going to pay the price for her mistakes.

You're at the time in your life where you need to think about yourself. Transitioning is a huge change and it's going to need all of your energy. Worry about you and don't let her make you feel bad for not helping her. Yeah it sucks but seriously she needs to be an adult not a child and take responsibility for her own actions.

Just an opinion

[Jill F]

I have plenty of experience with annoying, nosy and perpetually broke roommates.

Don't even think about it.

When you go home, you need to be able to relax.  If you can't relax where you live, it's time to find somewhere else to live.  Your sanity will eventually evaporate. 

I lived on edge for almost a year with a lunatic crackhead narcissist on steroids (literally  ) who kept breaking into my room, freely "borrowed" my stuff (like my clothes and car), and was constantly threatening me with violence.  After I snapped and had to temporarily drop out of school, I made him more afraid of me than I was of him.  This was the worst year of my adult life by far.

About 10 years later, my wife and I were both losing our jobs and needed to move to LA so she could go to law school.  Money was super tight, so we conveniently moved in with a good friend whose soon-to-be former roommates were leaving to work in Vegas.  The place was dirt cheap and in bad shape, but we were happy to at least have a place to live.   What we didn't know was that our friend had a serious drug problem and was about to lose his job because of it.  When our friend became unemployed, we had to pay ALL of the bills until we found somewhere else to live at the end of the lease.  This meant frequent arguments and plenty of tension between us.  My wife would only come home to sleep at night and food money had to come from selling off some possessions, including my 1964 Gibson ES-335.

It's nice when you can find someone to live with that is financially stable, friendly, supportive and easy-going, but I would rather live alone in a trailer than have roommate issues again.

[BenKenobi]

Don't worry, I don't plan on moving in with her. I have a roommate who is unemployed so i know how it is supporting someone else. Though his parents pay his share while he looks for a job and i've been with him for years so i know what to expect from him.

Still though, I feel like a bad friend. She's helped me out a ton but i feel like a favor like this is too huge for me at the moment. Just coming out trans, about to switch colleges, and i still have my own debt from loans not to mention my old cat i might have to euthanize. Not to mention her apt is one bedroom so i would have almost no privacy.