So, in a couple of weeks I'm going to see my Dad and Brother for the first time in six months. I want to come out to them but I don't know if I'm going to have the courage to do it in person. Just in case I panic and get too chicken, I decided to write him a letter that I'll give him before he goes home and ask him to wait to read it. I'm wondering if anyone here would mind looking over it for me and make some suggestions on changes? I want to get my point across but I don't want to overload him with information either...
Whatever I decide, by the time he gets home I expect him to know what I am.
QuoteDear Dad,
As I write this letter, I do not yet know if I will have the courage to tell you in person or not. Since you're reading this, I was too afraid of your rejection. I hope that you can find it in you to forgive me, but this is my darkest secret that I have hidden from even myself as best as I could. Before I go on, I must beg that, no matter your feelings at the end, that you extend me the courtesy of telling Mom myself.
Since my earliest memory, and even before that, I have silently borne a curse that has caused me immense pain and sorrow. I have fought and resisted against this condition every waking moment of all my twenty five years. You already know the culmination of my struggle with my recent attempt on my life and subsequent hospitalization. Now, I wish to impart to you what has lead to such a decision. This is also the core reason behind my Medical Evaluation Board and potential separation from the Navy.
I want you to know that what I am is by no fault of yours. There is nothing that you, nor anyone else, could have possibly done to prevent it. With that said, I am left with one two options for my future. I can choose to do what I need to in order to live a happy, fulfilling life or I can continue to struggle against my very nature. I fear the latter choice would lead to another suicide attempt and I am convinced that next time I won't be so lucky.
By now, I am sure that you are wondering what this is all about so I will go ahead and say it.
I am what is known as a Male to Female Transsexual. This essentially means that for my entire life, I have identified and seen myself as female.
If you're still reading, I pray that it means you have already decided to not reject me outright. I also pray that you will forgive me for the pain that reading these words must cause you.
What this means, is that pending my separation from the Navy, I will begin a process called Transitioning as soon as I am able. Throughout this lengthy process I will take steps to begin living my life as a woman. There is no other 'cure' for my condition. This is my only option for a bright future.
The first thing I will do is begin Hormone Replacement Therapy. I will be taking anti-androgens to blocks the testosterone produced by my body along with estrogen to feminize myself.
The estrogen will cause many physical changes. Fat will redistribute to feminine proportions, my face will soften and round out. My skin will soften as well. The most noticeable change, however, will be the development of breasts.
My mind may also change in subtle ways. While my interests, likes, dislikes, humor, and everything else that makes me a person will remain largely unaffected, there may be slight changes to my personality and emotional state. In the early months of HRT, it will be very similar to experiencing puberty again, but this time as a female.
After a time on HRT, I will begin dressing and talking like a girl. I will change my name and other legal documents to reflect the correct sex. I will be required to live "full-time" as a woman before I take the final step of Transition should I so choose.
That final step is Sex Reassignment Surgery, colloquially known as a Sex Change. I believe I will spare you the details of this process, suffice it to say that once it is complete I will be as close to being a natural female as I can possibly be.
I know that while this is an oversimplification of everything, it may still sound very sudden and drastic to you. I ask that you remember that I have had over two decades to consider this while you have only known about it for a few minutes now.
I cannot say with any certainty what makes me this way. I have lived with this all my life and have spent many hours researching it. I have spoken with professionals as well yet barely understand it myself. I do not hope for your understanding, but rather I pray for your acceptance.
If you decide to not cast me from you life, as is my fear, then I know that this will all take some getting used to. I know that it may feel like you are losing a son, but I hope that you will also look at it as gaining a daughter. A daughter who can finally live her life as she was meant to be and not have to pretend to be happy for the ones she loves anymore.
I will not attempt to contact you first. I will offer you as much time and space as you need, though I pray that eventually you will welcome me back, if not with open arms, then at least an open mind. If you have more questions, I will be more than happy to answer any and all. I can provide you with resources and even a few books that I believe may help your understanding.
Know that no matter what happens, no matter how you think of me now, I will love you always and forever. But know, also, that while I will wait the rest of my life for you to come to me, I will not wait to be happy.
Your Loving Daughter,
Kylie (Redacted)
Thoughts?
