I don't feel non-binary, I feel double-binary, like there is literally one man and one woman in this same body, and both want to live separate lives. I hate it. I can be something in between, but I can't be two opposing things at once.
Even as someone in between, there is no place for me in society. Sure, you can say all the happy, flowery things about being yourself and finding your place, but I mean. Rationally speaking. Where is my bathroom? I have to pick a gender to pee in public. When I go shopping, where is the men's department for female-proportioned bodies? When I'm in ritual with my Wiccan coven, do I speak the part of the Goddess or the God? When someone asks for "the guys" or "the ladies", do I go by my apparent gender or my biological gender?
Sometimes I like being me, but sometimes I wish I could just be one or the other. There have been times when I accepted that I might be a trans man, fully FTM, and then got envious at how pretty MTFs look years after transitioning. If I could just flip a switch and be a pretty woman sometimes, and a proud tough guy other times, that would be great.
