The Mysterious "Head Nod"

[sparrow]

Can you explain what this culture is? Is greeting other guys a nod a part of it? I'm just trying to be polite and/or not beat up when I interact in public places. Thank you for your help.

First off, if you're passing, you won't get beaten up for nodding or failing to nod.  If you don't pass, I imagine most people will think you're a butch lesbian or a tomboy, unless they think you don't belong in their bathroom (they won't be looking at you that closely).

Maybe if you nod at a dude in a bathroom and he gives you a ->-bleeped-<-ty look and you go up to him like a fanboy or something, then there might be some aggression (starting with posturing that you can probably back down from)... but fights and beatings just aren't common between strangers.  If they were, you'd see them happening in the streets on a regular basis.  There might be places where fights are more common in bars... I don't drink and I live in a large city.  Have you seen guys walking around sporting black eyes much?  Do you commonly hear guys bragging about fights?  Most guys brag about fights that they've never been in.  Cut whatever you've heard in half.

When I say "douchebro culture," I basically mean frat boys.  It's a larger group than just frat boys (and once-frat boys).  It includes pickup artists, there's a large amount of misogyny and homophobia, a strong focus on using women, drinking to blackout, fanatical fanboyism surrounding one's sports team, etc.  This cluster of behaviors and attitudes are what comes to mind when I hear guys calling eachother "dude" and "bro" three times per four-word sentence.  These are the guys who make me disgusted with men, and make me *so* happy to be leaving their gender behind.  No offense. 

Nodding is not a part of that culture.  I nod to crusty old dudes all the way down to middle school kids, from all walks of life.  Even when there's a large chance that they're recent immigrants or tourists.

Gosh, I had no idea there was so much to this.....

I know, right?  My first thought when I saw the title was "pfft., what mystery?"  I could write pages on this.  And since it's an aspect of culture that is taught implicitly and never spoken about, my pages would probably be quite different from somebody else's.

[V M]

It's kinda funny this topic should come up    I know that the cowboy nod is generally considered predominantly a guy thing, but I've noticed over the years that quite a few women have been adopting it and that tipping your hat a bit and saying howdy is somewhat becoming a thing as well    It's a polite gesture so it doesn't bother me none, but I'll have to admit to getting a bit of a chuckle now and then

[orangeskipper]

Clever is awesome for getting us sharing on this topic. We should break out a "Two-way Traffic" thread, where we can help each other out with these nuanced questions we've always wanted to ask, but never had the guts to.

VM, perhaps this is pure midwestern girl queer thought, but if a well-educated, cute cowgirl who rocks the denim mini and huge clunky boots were to tip her hat at me, well that would be just about the end for me. There's no heart that wouldn't melt at that.

Clever, happy to help, but keep in mind that we all have very different experiences. It seems to me, however, that you are getting a good feel for what could work for you, if you pick out the points that resonate with you. The key to not looking like a dork is to be natural, and use your non-verbal communications to rock what represents your personality.

Considering all the nodding complexities, the most important thing, in my opinion, is to confidently express in little ways, every day, what honor and respect mean to you. Should you succeed in this, nobody will question you as a man of integrity.

I agree with a previous post that fights are really rare. In fact, the nod dispatches almost all possibilities of conflict. Unless you ignore somebody asking you a direct question, the head nod can get you through a lot of social awkwardness.

Now, if only somebody could help me to figure out the lifelong dilema of how to prevent nylons from rolling at the waist, and leading to day-long extreme discomfort, all would be well in the world.

[Amadeus]

I actually got a head nod from a stranger today and thought of this thread.  I was leaving a job site and a chap in a SUV drove close by.  We made eye contact and both of us, at the same time, inclined our heads ever-so-slightly.  Eye contact was broken and we went about our business.

It just seemed like a friendly gesture.  Just a sort of "I am acknowledging your presence as a human being who is walking to his car.  Be well, my friend."