Some passing thoughts (pun intended)

[Promethea]

Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense, I wrote it as a reply to another thread, but I decided against posting it there because it could be perceived as trying to detract from a positive experience someone shared.

This was triggered by reading a few threads on passing, stealth, and facial feminisation surgery for a cis woman with a chin most MtFs here would kill to have.

Being recognised as women is not the same as passing. Passing is not a requirement for being recognised as women. If we say it is, it wouldn't be different to those that say we're not real trans women (or real women) until we get SRS, or even that we'll never be real women because we can't change our chromosomes.

Beautiful, powerful women come in all shapes, and some are trans.

Being trans is just another way of being a woman (or a man in the case of FtMs), so there is a possibility that when we think we have passed, that people realised we are trans and decided to gender us correctly. If that is what happened, that's even more reason to be happy, because when that happens it's a little victory for everybody, trans or not (except those that work in industries sustained by self hatred), but specially women. It happens to me all the time, I can only pass gas, but almost nobody genders me as male.

Some are obsessed about passing, and concerned about aspects of their appearance or behaviour that also affect cis women, because it responds to a conception of femininity that is just not real. It's not an ideal of beauty, it's the opposite of an ideal. Ideals come from below, from the folk, but this conception of beauty we face today is constructed at the top and fed to us, to make us insecure about ourselves, hate or bodies, and sell us countless things we don't need.

Passing is not a requirement and everyday I'm more convinced it has very little to do with physical appearance anyway (beyond stuff like beard shadow for trans women or breasts for trans men), I feel most of the advice on passing does more harm than good, and some of it is bull->-bleeped-<-.

We need to love ourselves, accept ourselves. I'm not saying we should do nothing to change our appearances. We should do what feels true to us, for ourselves.

And this is why you won't see me in the "do I pass?" threads

Sorry about the rant, I needed to get it out. Hopefully it triggers an interesting discussion.

[teddybear_zach]

Passing is not a requirement and everyday I'm more convinced it has very little to do with physical appearance anyway And this is why you won't see me in the "do I pass?" threads

I agree with those two lines 100%. I don't concern myself with passing. I am a man inside and out. excellent thread

[Rejennyrated]

I feel most of the advice on passing does more harm than good, and some of it is bull->-bleeped-<-.

From the perspective of 3 decades on ... and having transitioned in an age long before support groups let alone internet I am etrnally grateful I never had any such advice because if I had it I might have followed it, and as you say a lot of it is bull->-bleeped-<- stemming from overthinking a rather simple situation.

Somethings in life are far better when you learn to do them your own way and in your own good time. This is undoubtely one such thing.

[teddybear_zach]

From the perspective of 3 decades on ... and having transitioned in an age long before support groups let alone internet I am etrnally grateful I never had any such advice because if I had it I might have followed it, and as you say a lot of it is bull->-bleeped-<- stemming from overthinking a rather simple situation.

Somethings in life are far better when you learn to do them your own way and in your own good time. This is undoubtely one such thing.

another excellent response. thanks ladies

[Naeree]

Just don't let the passing thought pressure us too much it we might end up hate ourselves. Each one have their own passing standard. So just be the best for yourself, be your own beauty not someone else beauty so that we are happy with ourselves.

[Ms Grace]

Yes, obsessing about being able to pass and constantly believing you don't or obsessing about one particular detail is a sure fire way to being miserable and feeling terrible about yourself.