Pre-Transition - Confusion / concerns of being passable

[blondie]

I have been pushing away my gender issues for a couple of years by convincing myself I'm just queer gender. But lately I feel like the root of my depression is that I should of been born a woman and that I'm not just an effeminate gay man that loves makeup and hair.  I'm about to turn 18 (on the 19th) and I feel like I need to take the next step towards happiness. The problem is, somedays I feel somewhat masculine (kinda gender fluid), and because of my androgyny sometimes people in public mistake me for a woman (which sometimes makes me feel slightly weird but sometimes incredibly happy) and I also have no problem to my genitals.

I'm going to my physiatrist tomorrow and I'm gonna bring up this issue and ask if he knows any people specialised in gender, because I'm thinking of starting hormones perhaps.

But then another thing that worries me, is if I will be passable when completely transitioned. I have quite a strong jaw line and I'm rather tall (178 cm / 5ft 10) and I think I'm still growing as I'm young and have a nordic ancestry. Iv started to wear my clip in hair extensions for the hope of looking more feminine, but I almost feel I look more masculine.

Heres some pictures of me:










  (for an art project - half male/female)

[Alice Bracken]

I frequently have similar issues. I am masculine normally, my build and face. I have known something was up since around three and i have gone to many many sessions with my therapist about transitioning. I have had my letter for a year now and still have doubts. If you are worried about your looks you definitely should not. You look amazing. You aren't gifted with a receding hairline, and large pores like i do.

Some mornings i wake up with my mind in full blown woman mode, and sometimes i wake up wanting to throw out all of the stuff i have related to it. It sucks constantly flip flopping. The only thing that really stops me is being worried that i will not find someone that will accept me, a partner.

Now the passable part, i know i most likely wont pass, but that is more of a not caring factor for me. I want to do it for me, not random people walking down the street.

Good luck

[Alice Bracken]

Oh and welcome to the site. I know i have found alot of help just reading posts on here.

[blondie]

I frequently have similar issues. I am masculine normally, my build and face. I have known something was up since around three and i have gone to many many sessions with my therapist about transitioning. I have had my letter for a year now and still have doubts. If you are worried about your looks you definitely should not. You look amazing. You aren't gifted with a receding hairline, and large pores like i do.

Some mornings i wake up with my mind in full blown woman mode, and sometimes i wake up wanting to throw out all of the stuff i have related to it. It sucks constantly flip flopping. The only thing that really stops me is being worried that i will not find someone that will accept me, a partner.

Now the passable part, i know i most likely wont pass, but that is more of a not caring factor for me. I want to do it for me, not random people walking down the street.

Good luck

I also have the fear of not finding a parter, as a gay man I find it easy to find hookups (not so much dates). But I imagine it must be very hard being a trans woman and the fear of pissing off a homophobic straight man that thought you were a biological woman but discovered your are not.

[Marlee]

you look so much like you are already on HRT..very passable already.

[rachel89]

passing will definitely not be an issue for you.

[leacobb]

You will be fine, you look really good now. So when you start hrt they will just add to what you have got already

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[KristinaM]

gurl, wax those eye caterpillars and ur gud.



Srsly, you kinda remind me of Nicole Kidman 

[Rejennyrated]

Bloomin eck! I grew up kind of female - I had a bit of a gap in my teens because I couldnt get blockers - and then I transitioned properly and had SRS as a young adult... several decades on I'm now 55 and my looks are fading, but even at my postop best, which was pretty good, I doubt I looked as good as you. So don't worry - you got this.