Told my dad...

[boredrooster]

...And he proceeded to tell me that I should kill myself and threw wine in my face. I told my brother he told me I will be an ugly female and will lose all job possibilities if I attempt to transition. He told me no one in his work place takes lgbt people seriously and he works at a pretty higher up firm. Also this is coming from a Columbia business school grad. (Mtf) My brother also said black females are ugly. Being Trans will just make it worse for me because I am half black. I told my closest friend and he said he hopes I die of aids because it's people like me who are ruining society.

I guess I won't transition. It isn't worth this BS. Are there any ways to deal with not transitioning. I don't want to hear dysphoria doesn't go away or w.e. There's no choice anymore. I can't fathom the amount of BS Trans people have to go to when they transition and the BS they have to go to if they don't pass. And yes passing may not matter to you but it matters to me because I want to support myself, my family and find a job. And I believe I won't pass if I attempt to transition, epically if I start once I'm age 24...

Thanks all for reading. Sorry if this sounds mean. I just needed to vent and needed some advice.

[Yenneffer]

Omg hugs please don't I'm sorry to hear this.i don't know but seek outside help

[Kellam]

Yes there are struggles in being openly trans but the world isn't as twisted as your family's perceptions. Some Ivy League people are the most self centered egoists around. Their opinion of others means jack if all it is about is a damn pecking order.  Don't let your family hold you down. I am so sorry they attacked you. Please find someone to talk to as you deserve to find a path to happiness.

[RoseH]

I feel so sorry for you.. You have my biggest sympathy, nobody should have to experience that and nobody deserves to be treated that way.

I understand that you now don't wish to transition, but I want to give you my advice anyway.
I know you are feeling horrible right now, and I'm sorry, but I need to try to help you. And I understand that is selfish, but I know what I would have wanted to hear in your position.

Do not believe what the poisonous people in your life are telling you. They will feed you lies because they do not want what is truly best for you. Sometimes you can't even trust the people who seem to be closest to you.
You need to do what makes you feel happy. You need to express your identity.

There is nothing shameful about being transgender. We are admirable for being strong enough to live our lives as we wish. We are strong!
Today it is much more commonly accepted to be transgender, and it should not be a problem to get a job.
It is not exactly easy to be transgender, nobody would make a conscious choice to go through all of this, but the fact is that we need to. That is our road to happiness. It is our basic right.

My advice is to get away from all the poisonous people in your life as soon as have the resources and are able to do so. Your 'friend' does not sound the least bit friendly to me, and he is not worth your time.
When it comes to family we unfortunately can't chose who we are related to. But we do chose who we call family and who we surround ourselves with after a certain age.

Now, I don't know too much about the conditions in USA, but in many European countries trans* people live without problems.
It is possible to be transgender and be happy.

All the love, Rose

[boredrooster]

Thanks everyone,  but no one answered my question

[sparrow]

What a bunch of <removed>bags.  I'm really sorry for how you've been treated... but your brother is an idiot, and just wrong.  For every crappy "higher-up firm" out there that "doesn't take lgbt people seriously", there are a dozen who don't want to run afoul of the Civil Rights Act and three who actively support lgbt-friendly legislation.  Do you need your family?  Do you love them after they've treated you like this?  If their initial instinct is to out you and expose you to more hatred and abuse, do you trust them?

Yes, there are ways of coping.  First and foremost, get you a therapist.  My therapist tells me that some people live "double lives," dressing and acting male for work and family functions, and female for nights and weekends.  It's not great, but it can help.  Keep posting here, you'll be treated as any gender identify as. (in general, interacting as female online can be a big help)

Hold on... black females are ugly?  No.  Just no.  I heard that <removed> growing up... it was bull<removed> then, and it's bull<removed> now.  Your brother is a racist <removed>ing idiot.  What a stupid <removed>ing pig.  Some of the most beautiful women I've laid eyes upon have been black, white/black, asian/black...

[katrinaw]

...And he proceeded to tell me that I should kill myself and threw wine in my face. I told my brother he told me I will be an ugly female and will lose all job possibilities if I attempt to transition. He told me no one in his work place takes lgbt people seriously and he works at a pretty higher up firm. Also this is coming from a Columbia business school grad. (Mtf) My brother also said black females are ugly. Being Trans will just make it worse for me because I am half black. I told my closest friend and he said he hopes I die of aids because it's people like me who are ruining society.

I guess I won't transition. It isn't worth this BS. Are there any ways to deal with not transitioning. I don't want to hear dysphoria doesn't go away or w.e. There's no choice anymore. I can't fathom the amount of BS Trans people have to go to when they transition and the BS they have to go to if they don't pass. And yes passing may not matter to you but it matters to me because I want to support myself, my family and find a job. And I believe I won't pass if I attempt to transition, epically if I start once I'm age 24...

Thanks all for reading. Sorry if this sounds mean. I just needed to vent and needed some advice.

First up... hugs to you for the onslaught of bigotry

OK my story, well the bit that may help you.

When I was a very young kid I had such bad Dysphoria... but no where to go... lasted till mid or late teens.
I realised that no one could help me, so I sunk myself in to work/career in IT, got married etc... Always the emotions surfaced, but through self preservation and focusing on work and family I muddled through my life in fairly good shape.

So it is possible, oh just forgot this bit - I did go through phases of Cross dressing and purging... it did help, well pacified the inner urges from time to time.

Can't say that's the case now... but that's me xx

Katy xx

[CarlyMcx]

There are a lot of ways to deal with not transitioning:  Sports, hobbies, yoga, meditation, golf, marriage, children, being a workaholic, hanging out with friends, secret crossdressing.

They all work pretty well -- for a while.  But the problem is they all eventually stop working, and then you are faced with transitioning at 34 or 44 or 54 or 64 instead of at 24.

LaVerne Cox is a black female and she is most definitely not ugly.

And if your father is saying that your life is worthless to him, then what is it to him if you go do what you want with your life?  It's your life, not his.

As far as your closest friend goes, dump him and move on to the next closest friend.  Life is too short to tolerate frenemies or bigots.

So:  Know that you have friends, here, dry your tears, and, like the saying goes:

Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.