Hi, everybody. I finally decided to make an account on the site - I keep ending up here whenever I go out into the internet looking for transitioning advice, so I decided I should just go ahead and join.
As far as I can make out I'm pretty lucky where I am - I started full MTF hormone therapy this February, at 19. My proportions are only a little above the average for women, and my college has a great support system set in place for trans students. I have a semi-regular counselor, a dedicated doctor, twice-weekly vocal coaching during the school year, and a group therapy, all through the university. I don't know where I'd be right now without these resources.
Like most, being transgender wasn't a concept I had ever known. When I got to college, for whatever reason, I thought about it a little more than I ever had. It was practically an overnight realization once I got the definitions down, aided by about a week's worth of online research. So obvious in retrospect. I think another poster mentioned always playing as female in video games with the option to choose gender - while that might not seem like much, my childhood was not lacking for games. I grew up with video games, and I tend to empathize with my avatar. I, too, could distinctly recall choosing female as far back as about age seven, and doing so consistently throughout my gaming experiences up to now. Obviously that wasn't the only thing that made me positive about being transgender, but that's my favorite example.
I feel like there's a weird catch-22 to being MTF transgender, which is probably what stops a lot of people from figuring this stuff out: If you wanna be female, but like dudes, then it might seem as though you're just 'super-gay'. Gayness is often associated with femininity in men, for whatever reason. And if you wanna be female, but like girls (as with me), then it might seem as though it's some weird self-absorbed sexual fetish (though I can't really speak for how people of other sexualities might look at this problem). I think what got me around it was just really, reeeally wanting to be lesbian. I never saw it as a matter of wanting to cross-dress. I never really had. If that makes sense.
Anyway, despite me figuring out my feelings on the matter pretty quickly, I recognized that this was about as big a game-changer as one could expect in a life. I was reading way too many accounts of emotional turmoil, anxiety, depression, and being ostracized from families. Setting out, I had really hoped that wouldn't be the case for me. Of course it totally was. Right now I'm kinda struggling with depression, and it often gets 'triggered' by stuff that reminds me of my transition - so, you know, exactly half of the human race. But I have good days, and I think I can manage for the most part. I just need somewhere to turn to on the bad days.
I'm not one for keeping up with social media, but I figure it's better for my sanity to come here as regularly as possible. Thank you guys for being here.
