Any way to fix cracking/broken&lost voice?

[makipu]

Hello, I was wondering if there are any suggestions (if there even are any) for my lost and cracking voice from taking T for a couple of months.  I am not willing to take anymore because I already messed it up more than enough. I was fine with it sounding neutral before taking T but now that my voice is all over the place,most of the time I don't have the desire to sing(since my ability is completely gone) and sometimes I don't even want to talk to anybody (where I spoke little to few selected people in my family and doctors only anyways)

I know I brought this upon myself and I regret messing with it because I don't get to choose the amount of effects and the kinds of effects the hormone gives but I am just looking for advice from MTFs from the other side.

[Laura_7]

There are a few blogs of trans men who looked into voice and singing.

They said to start slowly... with half the dose for 3 months, then going to full dose... so the larynx might expand a bit more naturally.
And they kept on singing. You might look up their experiences.
Its possible you have not been on the full dose yet... many people start out with half the dose...

For helping with voice keeping the throat moist might help... drinking enough water...
and not overstraining the voice. Taking a break then.

It might get better with some practice... reading a book for example... trying to sing...

hugs

[Dena]

I would suggest you work with a speech therapist. The odds are your voice is still usable but you will need to find the new ranges that you have and make then work for you. The male voice isn't as flexible as the female voice but the number of male singer show that it's possible. You are going through what i did when I was a teen. It is possible you might have to go back on T to finish the process but be carefully evaluated before you do so because the fix might be simple now.

[Rejennyrated]

Its a fallacy that a deep voice will always be gendered male - if you doubt this just listen to Lauren Bacall, Greta Garbo, Joan Greenwood, Fenella Fielding, Bea Arthur, heck the list is endless - all of them have deep resonant voices and yet all were universally and unequivocally gendered female...

I like my rich, slightly deeper tones - I value my powerfull vocal cords, and I too am universally gendered as female even when I used to broadcast on the radio, or indeed when I speak on the phone... I also love singing - I sing contralto/tenor and I have rich and versatile voice.

So a broken voice - once it settles does not have to equate to a loss. I like my voice as it is, one reason why in over 35 years of presenting as female I've never felt the need to have any vocal surgery or indeed speech therapy. I sound broadly female anyway, just a little deeper.

I presume you took the T because you wanted some virilising results... and if so why not just learn to enjoy them? Your patern of speech and intonation is what will gender you, not the pitch. I suspect stopping mid way may not be a good decision as you currently have a mismatch in the resonance of the various parts of your vocal system - which is what causes the instability. The instability would stop when all components have reached their new testosterone induced size.

[makipu]

Thank you all for the replies. I am going to see if my family doctor can refer me to a speech therapist.  I actually never searched for anything related to this but this first video I came across really impressed me:



I really liked the flexibility of her voice.  Is it true that when MTFs take E, it doesn't do ANYTHING for the original voice? 

I have T in my possession but I don't want to take it because everytime I hear myself talk and it uncontrollably cracks and breaks I just get depressed and keep myself muted.  In order for that to not happen , I have to talk at a low volume at all times. 

I try singing but I fail miserably every time.  I guess I'll try reading a book though.

Your patern of speech and intonation is what will gender you, not the pitch.

Could you explain this better? I am not sure if I understand.

[LesleyAnne]

Makipu wrote "Is it true that when MTFs take E, it doesn't do ANYTHING for the original voice? "

Sadly when MtF take "E" it does nothing!
The reason is (especially for us older gals) that the voice box is already formed post puberty, and larger than cis females so the resonance is deeper, and the vocal chords are longer creating the lower pitch men have.
No, I'm not a speech therapist, but I've talked to a few and this was their answer. Estrogen does nothing to correct this, just like our feet the bones are formed and the size won't change significantly even as the musculature recedes a little due to hormones.  Some things we are stuck with, but there are ways to compensate (like don't wear long toed pumps if your feet are already size gazillion , and like me I'm daily working on controlling my voice, enunciating more like a female, trying not to slur my words, and working on avoiding a monotone speech.
So I'm sure that if you continue to work on your voice you'll become comfortable with how you sound.
Also remember that if I am correct when starting HRT one goes thru a little bit of puberty regardless of age. Even if you've already experienced it, you get to experience it again when starting HRT.
I'm 66, and have experienced a lot of what a young woman experiences going thru her puberty ( bumping into things with my chest I'm talking about.... So if you are like me in the sense that you desire to be who you feel you really are then you will find a way 

[Laura_7]

Sadly when MtF take "E" it does nothing!

Well this is not completely true...

estrogen changes the tissue somewhat... some people report feet getting smaller a half or one size... height getting a bit smaller...

there are changes in muscles and in gait...
people might become a bit more feminine, using more inflection and a more breathy voice...
which all influences voice...


hugs

[LesleyAnne]

Actually I was referring only to voice....when referring to "E" doing nothing. At least from the speech pathologist's I've talked with.....

However other changes in tissue....yes, one of the bonus's for being on estrogen is that the upper body musculature shrinks over time too, and thus giving way to fat deposits enhancing the things us girls value  .

So I didn't mean estrogen has no affect on us MtF girls.....it actually does have some very positive effects which of course
I personally relish. And it doesn't hurt to put efforts into helping HRT along. I have an FtM friend that has really got some awesome pecs to boast about, and some guns (arm muscles) that he is also proud of, but he works very hard (as most of us have too) to achieve that, and is rewarded by a very handsome physique    

Much love to all,
LesleyAnne

[Laura_7]

Actually I was referring only to voice....when referring to "E" doing nothing. At least from the speech pathologist's I've talked with.....

Much love to all,
LesleyAnne

I read quite a few statements that it does.
Not as much but it can have subtle influences.
If trying to speak more breathy and with more inflection for example this can make quite a difference (don't exaggerate ).

hugs

[LesleyAnne]

Hi Laura_7

I could use all the help I can get, so crossed fingers
When I've tried the breathy........eewww as Jimmy Fallon would say
I end up sounding like Mae West.....not a good thing. 
But you've given me encouraging words, since my voice (for me) is my biggest hangup for passing, well that and not being a Victoria Secret model (not even close  .

Love,
LesleyAnne

[Laura_7]

Hi Laura_7

I could use all the help I can get, so crossed fingers
When I've tried the breathy........eewww as Jimmy Fallon would say
I end up sounding like Mae West.....not a good thing. 
But you've given me encouraging words, since my voice (for me) is my biggest hangup for passing, well that and not being a Victoria Secret model (not even close  .

Love,
LesleyAnne

Well practise makes for improvement...

You could have a look here for a few more hints:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190936.msg1701516.html#msg1701516

For the OP, its the other way around...
and you could have a look at
nyspeechandvoicelab dot net/transgender/voice-masculinization

hugs

[iKate]

Is it true that when MTFs take E, it doesn't do ANYTHING for the original voice? 

It does very little. It may thin the vocal folds a bit and affect the brain so prosody becomes more natural. There is also the placebo effect. I've raised my pitch a little subconsciously over the months that I've been on HRT. Other than that? Nothing.

Surgery and training are about the only ways to fix our voices.

[Gothic Dandy]

I've noticed, from watching videos, that FTMs who get off T have their voices raise up ever so slightly. In the most recent one I saw, his speech patterns also magically became more effeminate after a year or two off T. His pitch and enunciation and mannerisms all changed. It was such a trip to watch the two videos taken years apart.

I know you are all currently talking about MTF voices but I thought this tidbit was relevant to the OP.

Your voice would settle on T at some point, but I have no idea whether or not it settles if you stop T while it's currently in the process of changing. If it's causing you so much grief that you can't stand speaking to anybody, I second the suggestion that you make an appointment with a speech pathologist, if you have that ability. Otherwise, maybe scour Youtube for tips and tutorials?

[makipu]

I asked my PCP and she said that I could either go on T for it to settle down which I am not willing because I don't want my voice to sound even more deeper than it already is.  I know I made the biggest mistake in my life due to other female related triggers and I will be permanently depressed about it. I wish AT LEAST the cracking OR the voice loss would end.  I also asked about if they can refer me to a speech therapist but she said that MTFs go to them. So FTMs don't?...

[Dena]

Normally in FTMs the hormones do all the heavy lifting so speech therapy isn't needed. You just go though puberty like half the population does. If you stop now, it will be a matter of mapping out your voice and seeing if you have a usable range that you are happy with. Continuing with T will give you a whole new set of ranges to work with. As I was exposed to natural T, I was really unlucky and ended up with a Bass voice. The mouth voice and falsetto pushed me higher but not in to the female range. Many MTF are able to reach the female ranges with therapy or somebody who knows how to work with voices.
My only solution which I just took was voice surgery. Because my voice was so low, the best it could do was to push me into the lower female range. As my voice has many other issues, I don't think I will ever have much of a singing voice but  it will be a feminine speaking voice.

One possible issues for FTMs is they sometimes have problems breaking out of the mouth voice into the chest voice. Failure to do this results in a higher voice which many are unhappy with. A therapist can help a FTM who has issues with this get into the chest voice.

If you don't have a usable voice where your are, your only option may be to continue with the T letting your voice stabilize and see what you have to work with. You might end up with a wonderful male singing voice and then you might not.

You should indicate to your doctors you may have made a mistake taking T as your voice was important to you. You wish now to evaluate what you have before deciding what to do next. A speech therapist should be able to get an idea what you have in one or two sessions so pay for it out of pocket if you must. I am not a speech therapist but I could even figure out where your voice is now as it's just a matter of seeing what ranges you currently have access to.