Depression and feelings of angst within family and environment.

[CosmicJoke]

I feel unhappy in the environment which I live in. Nothing is working out for me here other than my relationship with my mom.
My mom has made alot of sacrifice to help me get to where I am with my transition, which is very successful, though I am not genuinely happy.
I feel so lonely most of the time and feeling deprived of a sense of being loved and wanted.
I'm here in this rural place with no real sense of fulfillment in life, though I try and make it a positive experience.
It seems that my family has all these high expectations of me, though they don't step up to the plate and take responsibility for their own lives for the most part.
They bank all their issues on me being the "Identified Patient," it seems.
Most of them really don't have their own lives together, and apparently I'm somehow unjustified in not bending over backwards by the hopes of my one aunt.
She uses alot of emotional manipulation tactics on me and is a hypocrite in many ways. She seems very impressed with herself despite my thinking different.
I have a family that really is not a positive influence on my life in many ways...
Though, as I said. I have a tight bond with my mother, though still difficult nonetheless.
I am looking to be in a situation someday where I can be happy. My blood family is basically toxic for me in terms of the emotional dynamics.
In many ways, I am unconfident in actively seeking the support since I'm just used to feeling like I don't really deserve it, and that my family is justified in pretending that nothing is wrong.
I want to set up a reality for me that isn't so gloomy...
If anyone else here has any experience or advice relevant to dealing with toxic, disingenuous families, it would be greatly appreciated.

[Serenation]

My family is exactly the same, I am close to my mother and she is very supportive. Rural area also. My family is toxic, this town is toxic. I really come a live when I'm away. Aside from just not caring and showing no interest in their lives I just need to leave and forget them for good, which sucks because I love my mum.

[suzifrommd]

If anyone else here has any experience or advice relevant to dealing with toxic, disingenuous families, it would be greatly appreciated.

Distance.

When you get to the point of deciding that they are doing you more harm than good, it can be a very empowering decision to cut back on the amount of contact with them. See them less often and in situations where you can easily leave if the interaction becomes problematic.

I played the scapegoat role in our family. There were a number of problems, but everyone had decided that they were largely my fault because I was such a hard person to get along with. That's a lot to pile on a school age child. They took me to a whole parade of mental health counselors, therapists, and psychiatrists, without examining themselves at all. When I got older and wiser about the dynamics between us, I realized I needed to carefully control the time I spent with them.

[Mariah]

Anytime were around those who are toxic it can affect our health and well being. Distance is really the only cure for this. You could try telling them how you feel about things, but based on what you said I'm not sure that would help much. It is still worth a try because you never know how people will respond. My moving from Spokane and eventually restarting my transition away from there had largely to do with how toxic the area I came from was for trans. It's one of the best things I could have ever done. Hugs
Mariah

[Jayne]

I agree that distance would help, living in a rural area will limit your access to support groups so moving into a more populated area could help.
If you are suffering depression then speak to your gp about it, the longer depression goes on for the harder it becomes to break free from

[CosmicJoke]

Ok, thanks for some of the input. Distance really does sound great, though I will need to do this progressively, of course.
I have been setting up a network of friends that do not involve my blood relatives, but only those who raise me higher.
I've been doing this a little bit through instagram, a little through facebook, etc.
I have some very deep spiritual connections with these people, so it will be interesting to see what develops over time.
More recently, my aunt did confront me on this issue. I keep myself under the radar when it comes to my family, though now it seems that I am like the Rockstar when it comes to my mom's side just because I am trans and committing to a happy life. The comical thing is, they could care less about me before that point when I was living as a boy with all these problems when I REALLY needed someone to be there for me.
Though, I must say. The process has been an amazing growing experience... I became a much stronger person learning this the way I have.
Any other advice would be greatly appreciated. An abundance is always great, thanks :-)

[CosmicJoke]

Anytime were around those who are toxic it can affect our health and well being. Distance is really the only cure for this. You could try telling them how you feel about things, but based on what you said I'm not sure that would help much. It is still worth a try because you never know how people will respond. My moving from Spokane and eventually restarting my transition away from there had largely to do with how toxic the area I came from was for trans. It's one of the best things I could have ever done. Hugs
Mariah

Oh yeah, I just feel so depressed and drained most of the time...