Dating and Sex

[Jaimey]

Forgive me if this is already a topic, but I didn't feel like reading through all 15 pages...it's 3AM 

It isn't that I don't have any interest in dating or sex, I do, just like most people.  But when someone that I obviously don't have anything in common with asks me out or tries to chat me up, I find it so repulsive!  My skin crawls.  To be honest, I don't even give them a chance, but I know that it would never work out...I have had enough relationships fall through, that I know with whom I will get along and with whom I won't.  I have some friends who constantly ask if I'm dating anyone or when was the last time I got laid and I just can't figure out why it makes any difference if I go on 300 dates a year or none!  It just isn't all that important to me.  I would like to date, but I'm not going to go out with someone just for the sake of going out and I'm not going to have sex with someone just to say I'm getting laid.  I would rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship.

Is it just me? 

[no_id]

I believe it's fairly human.
Especially when being a gender variant I suppose it is important to test the waters before jumping straight in, but that doesn't only apply to gender variant individuals (gender is an additional factor in this case). To me it seems that you're not looking for a quick-dip relationship, but for one that will last for quite an amount of time; one you will be able to grow in. There's nothing strange about that, and everyone has their own ways to find what they need.

[Jaimey]

that's true.  Also, the people that really 'repulse' me are stereotypical men.  I can't be friends with stereotypical women either...well, maybe frat-boy and sorority girl would be better descriptions.  Part of my question might be about the types of people I am attracted to.  I have read that androgyne people tend to be attracted to other androgyne people and I think that would be true for myself, but I can't find anyone else in Louisville (a million people and I'm the only one?  not possible) who identify themselves as androgyne.  So how do I meet people that don't make my skin crawl?    

I did read something interesting though.  Apprently people who are "artsy" (for lack of a better term) tend to be female brain gendered (this was an article on brain sex and gender...pretty interesting...too bad I can't remember where it was...) and I do like artisitic men.  Hmmm...

So my for my next question, is that typical?  Do androgyne people prefer others who are not as bound to the binaries?

[no_id]

Well, see it this way; what is the likelyhood that someone who embraces binary will be capable to understand and relate to an Androgyne person?...

As for meeting likewise individuals;
That's rather tricky since in most cases the AG gender identity isn't visible. However, you might want to try a Transgender scene and walk around; discover a bit, and see if you run into something interesting. Otherwise, I can only repeat the words of the great Karate Kid Sensei: Patience little grasshopper.....

The world is a large place with many people, but you have to move in order to meet them.

[Jaimey]

I'm trying.  People here just aren't motivated.

Another question (and perhaps this is the question I meant to ask originally):

Is it typical for androgyne people to be attracted to a person's mind instead of their body?

I guess what I mean is, I'm not attracted to someone when I see them.  I don't become attracted to that person until I meet them, get to know them, etc.  That is to say, sex really isn't about the body, but about the connection with that person.  (does that make any sense?)

[no_id]

Well, pansexuality seems to be more common in the TG-community as a whole. I suppose that the weight of physical attraction is less since there is an understanding that the external representation might not be on par with the internal gender identity. This understanding, and additionally element, draws more weight/significance to mental attraction.

However, I'm tended to imply that 'looks' still play a significant role; I believe someone is more likely to get to know an individual if their looks satisfy.

[Jaimey]

that's true...I'm not attracted to women at all, so you have a definite point there.  Although, it isn't that I couldn't have sex with a woman, but I don't think I could fall in love with one...but that might have more to do with the fact that I tried to BE a "normal" girl and woman for so long...maybe that's just some resentment.  *sigh*  Love sucks. 

[Kaimialana]

that's true...I'm not attracted to women at all, so you have a definite point there.  Although, it isn't that I couldn't have sex with a woman, but I don't think I could fall in love with one...but that might have more to do with the fact that I tried to BE a "normal" girl and woman for so long...maybe that's just some resentment.  *sigh*  Love sucks. 

You aren't alone with the ideas in this thread. I have trouble relating to people of the male gender, and it is only those who are truly spectacular in mind and personality that attract me. Still, I don't think I could ever have a relationship with a man, simply because I still have trouble relating in many ways. I, like you, can understand the sex part, but when it comes down to the relationship in whole, I just can't see it happening.

[Shana A]

Another question (and perhaps this is the question I meant to ask originally):

Is it typical for androgyne people to be attracted to a person's mind instead of their body?

I guess what I mean is, I'm not attracted to someone when I see them.  I don't become attracted to that person until I meet them, get to know them, etc.  That is to say, sex really isn't about the body, but about the connection with that person.  (does that make any sense?)

Makes total sense to me. I'm attracted to who the person IS. I've always been this way, my whole life, when people around me say, "oh, so and so is so hot" or "he's a hunk", I just never got that.

Zythyra

[chillin]

Yeah I feel what everybody is saying I don;t want a one night stand I want something on a serious level. Of Course I do want to have sex too don;t get me wrong but I think to communicate on a verbal basis first is more important than taking it to a sexual level first.

[Jaimey]

I'm so glad I found this forum!

I was reading the "androgyne frame of reference" topic and rebus said something interesting.  "Child-like".  I wonder if that has anything to do with it.  I wish I had majored in gender studies (geography turned out to be quite useless...unless you need directions...I give FANTASTIC directions). 

I also never understood all the "so and so is HOT" stuff.  I mean, I know when someone is attractive, but that doesn't really do anything for me.  Perhaps it is more of a child-like frame of mind...or more pure, at least.  I would really love to see a study on this. 

[Skye]

Jaimey

Forgive me for skimming some, but ultimately it sounds like you would like to meet people who have the patience to get to know you before you run off and get married or have sex.

You must be crazy!   Don't you know that you must meet, fall in love, get married and have 2.3 children, white picket fence, 2 cars in the garage and summer in the Hamptons within 4 years?   We need to get you a copy of the memo.

Seriously, there is nothing wrong with you.   Honestly, until I came here I've never seen the word androgyne used before.  Oh sure I've heard of Androgynous.  But it was always used descriptively.
There may be an obscene amount of people that have no idea that they identify with something that has a name.

In my case, what would I call myself if words like crossdresser or ->-bleeped-<- didnt exist?
Or even still, if they did exist and I had never heard of them.

I can't begin to know how frustrating it is for you in Kentucky.  I can say however that if you stick to your own fibers about what you want, then you will be happy.

In my opinion, if your friends cannot accept that, then perhaps its time for new friends.
Additionally, If your tired of this guy coming on to you repeatedly, simply tell him that you will not ever be interested in him.   If he continues, then you know what kind of person he is.

I think all I am saying here, is something you already know.   There are too many people in this world to get caught on speed bumps.

[Jaimey]

haha!  I did get the memo and promptly burned it.  >  It was a glorious bonfire!

Well, KY is not as bad as people probably think.  Especially Louisville...it's a very liberal, progressive city (especially for the south).  We do have our share of rednecks, but we also have plenty of tree huggers as well!  It's very friendly.

Thanks for the advice though (and the laugh!)!!!