My supposed LGBT 'friend' at work has turned on me today

[saraht123]

First off, he offered everyone a cookie from the packet. Except for just me, he took one out with his fingers and gave it to me like I'm a dog or unclean.

He's just moved to another desk away from me. We're all moving desks soon anyway, but he was super keen and moved early, as if to drive home the point that he can't stand being near me. Then he made some comment that he can now sit up straight for the first time in years (now that he doesn't have to look at me sitting opposite him)

Every conversation where there are 3+ people involved, he will maintain constant eye contact with the other person, and  try to sideline me completely. He'll even answer my questions while looking direct at the other person.

Micro aggression/mini lecture directed at me, in an attempt to liken me to an Alpha male silverback gorilla......

I'm a bit disappointed that we should be allies, but he seems to really not like me very much any more. I'd really like to keep him on side, but not sure how.

People are treating me differently recently and most of them aren't very happy, it seems.

[stephaniec]

I worked at a company for twenty years and it seems no one liked me and it got worse toward the end. I haven't a clue as to why. It's pretty hard to work when your not part of the group.

[suzifrommd]

Hugs, Sarah. I hate when people are aggressive.

Write down whenever it happens. Your employer has a responsibility to make sure your work environment is not hostile. Consider letting him know you will report disrespectful behavior.

Don't let him gaslight you. He is being aggressive.

[saraht123]

Stephanie, it sounds like we've had similar experiences at work Were you happier once you'd got out of there?


Suzi, thanks. Ironically, he's officially my LGBT friend in the workplace, following an earlier campaign by collegues that forced me to come out to mangement and HR. I wasn't ready to come out as trans at the time but made it clear I was on the LGBT spectrum. Things were supposed to get better. That was 18 months ago.


I really feel like it would be better for me to quit, but I'm too stubborn and I need the money.

Yes, I think I may be being gas lighted.(gad lit?) I ended up on anti depressants before,  now I am more condident that I'm not going crazy, but it's tough. And of course, despite everything, I'm viewed as the aggressor 

I have notes going back four or five years because it seemed I might have to walk at any time. I just don't know when to quit.

[suzifrommd]

Oh, Sarah, please don't quit. You have the right to a non-hostile workplace. I hope you find a way to exercise that right.

[saraht123]

I'm too bloody minded. I don't think I could let myself. I might need to talk to HR though, maybe see if I can switch departments (which is almost unheard of where I work)

[steyraug96]

It's immature, but other things can be fun to even the scales....
Eye drops in coffee, for example...  (Causes the runs)

Or if you know of a drug test coming up...?  Special brownies for the workplace, he gets one that's "laced".... 

This is all IN ADDITION to HR complaints, of course.  ;-)

I'm not one who believes in being a doormat. 

[saraht123]

Nooooo. Don't go putting ideas in my head 

[HoneyStrums]

Is it possible, for you to ask the person, what it is about you that they dont like? Because, it might not be anything to do with you being trans, or only partially related?

Im not saying that this behaviour is somthing you should tolerate, but if the cause of it is somthing orher then being transgender, you might be able to resolove the issue and salvage a friendship?