What should I do?

[Magnolia88]

I have a dilemma. I'm currently in an awful living situation. My roommates and I don't get along and they are becoming unbearable to live with. Also I'm struggling with money and am down to almost nothing in my savings. I have the option of moving back in with my dad for a couple months which would help me save some money and not have to deal with my roommates anymore. The problem is he told me the only way he'd let me move back in is if I cut my hair since I shed so much. At first I thought no way because I've been growing it out for over a year now and finally have it the length that I wanted and I'd never want to go through the awkward phase ever again. Also no one knows I'm trans so they don't understand why my hair is so important to me. I told my mom and she thought I was being silly to not take my dad's offer. She said my hair will grow back and this would be good for me to get my life back together. She noticed I sounded a bit down after that and thought I was mad at her. I wanted to tell her why I was upset but I couldn't. it's so frustrating having to keep this to myself. I really don't know what I should do. This would solve a lot of my problems, but I know I would regret cutting my hair especially since it took so long to grow it out. Having my hair longer has made me feel more like a woman and like myself and I don't know if I can give that up even temporarily.

[Ms Grace]

Maybe cut it a little bit and tell him you'll wear it tied back around the house?

[Magnolia88]

Unfortunately that won't work for him. He's very anal. he even said he wants to be there when I cut it to make sure it's short.

[Dena]

I wear a shorter straight cut right now and have a full head of hair but like you I also shed a good deal. Because I live by my self, I don't have the issue of offending others. I currently wash my hair every other day and use a pick to comb it into place. This leaves a good deal of lose hair in place to fall out. You might consider using a brush on your hair every day to remove the lose hair before it can fall out all over the place. Long hair requires extra care and is one of many reason I wear a shorter style. If you need help with this, consider going to a beauty supply store and ask for help. They will be more than happy to sell you the correct tools to properly care for your longer hair.

[Ms Grace]

That argument about you "shedding" sounds pretty pathetic to me. How old are you? Over 18? Surely the length of your hair is your own business. This double edged offer appears designed to just stop you from having long hair, a fairly typical parent ploy. Your options appear to be accept and submit, or find a way to deal with what is happening in your share house situation... or find a third option that involves neither.

[katrinaw]

lots of hugs Magnolia

I would have suggested as Grace did, but you just killed that idea...

Do you have any other relations or other friends close by you could live with while you get back on your feet? I am presuming you are at college or Uni and doing part time work?... Can you room up with others?

feel for you

Katy 

[Magnolia88]

Yes I work part time and also have school. My parents are the only family that live around me and i don't have any friends i'm close enough with I could live with. My only other option would be staying with my mom but that would mean getting a new job since it's further out.

[Autumnleaf]

I think you should bear with it.

Transition is hard! Lots of sacrifices too!  But for your future and to be able to get away from the awful room mates, I would say that go with your dads plan for now.  After you cut it, you can slowly grow it out while you're there.  I doubt that once you're home, he would kick you out just because you have longer hair.

Sleep it off and think about it in the morning.

Good luck

[stephaniec]

I'm sorry if I sound weird and old which I am, but your talking about shedding and your father saying you shed too much. I understand being in a tough financial pinch, I've been there many times in my 63 years on this planet, but  having your father say you shed too much. I use to have a beautiful Belgium  German Shepard that shed his entire coat almost every week , but he was the best friend I ever had. I'm sorry I know we're talking humans/animals here ,but with out sounding uncaring or mean or offensive maybe it's time to get a new job and spend some quality time with your mother.( just an opinion from an old lady and no offense meant).

[Laura_7]

Have you considered a ponytail ? Binding your hair back might give you a well kept look.
You might say there is no shedding this way.


hugs

[Rachel]

Living with your Mom may provide a great opportunity to disclose and build on your identity.

[Promethea]

He may suspect something, or just feel threatened by your image that doesn't fit into his boxes. The shedding is an excuse. Long hair or short, I don't think living with him will be the most pleasurable experience for you.

Spending some time with your mom will be a good opportunity to be more yourself. There's worse things than looking for a new job.

Hugs!

[Claraaa]

+1 that this feels like a way to control you in some way.  Some dogs shed alot,  but if we love them we figure it out.  My 2 cents.

Clara

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[Jessica Merriman]

I only see three options here.
1. cut hair
2. spill your secret to them
3. Homelessness

Not being mean just, well, that is all you can do and be provided for.