Come out to Parents

Murplethepurple · July 24, 2015, 08:43:56 PM

It helps when the people who run the school are very understanding as well. Also I had not much else to do so I just started writing emails I wanted my parents to send. I guess I should mention that they even agreed to let me wear a wig until my hair naturally grows out if I want to. I don't think I will. My hair is already to long for a boy anyways. I will let them know tonight at dinner. I was surprised myself how well it turned out. I think my hardest time will be explaining to everyone that I am now a girl. And using the correct pronouns. But I am quite understanding about the position I have put them in.

Dena · July 24, 2015, 09:01:34 PM

Don't be hard on people if they make mistakes. My mom used my male name for years after I moved into the female role and it was most embarrassing when we were in the tall woman's shop purchasing clothes for me, I was presenting as female and mom use my male name. I am glad I was facing away from the sales lady because my face must have flashed a bright red and I don't blush.

It may be a good idea to let your hair grow out naturally so people get used to the change in your appearance. As for wigs, I couldn't wait for the day that I had enough hair that I didn't need to wear it anymore. It was uncomfortable and the style was something I needed somebody else to set. I only used it when I was part time. By the time I lost my job and was ready to go full time, I had enough hair for a female cut.

As for the hardest time, that was when you told your parents. Dealing with others will not be easy at first but it will become easer as time goes on. With my voice surgery I am working on a stealth image, not because I don't want to talk about myself but because I want to be accepted as a woman. If it's important, we can talk about my medical history latter. I can be just as open about myself in public as I am here.

Murplethepurple · July 24, 2015, 09:39:53 PM

I hope people wont question it. The female name I chose can allow people to use the nickname I always went by as a male. I know how uncomfortable wigs are. I have a couple for when I kept my hair short and there was a nice occasion it was too difficult for me to make it look good. I don't think I will have voice surgery. Medical bills are going to be hard enough next summer I am going to get multiple jobs to help ease the load on my parents as much as possible. And also so I can go on massively expensive shooping spree's at the mall. What is the easiest and cheapest way to get a female voice?

Dena · July 24, 2015, 10:01:49 PM

For somebody so young you are really asking complex questions.
First, voice surgery should be a last resort. My male voice was about one of the lowest male voices possible. When my male voice dropped, it also took the upper end with it making the highest comfortable voice I could use below the female range.
The best place to start out is with speech therapy. There are 4 voices a person has and of that the lower 3 can be used as a voice. The top one is uncontrollable and can be used in some types of singing but not for voices.
Males tend to speak in the chest voice where as women speak in the mouth/head voice. It is simple to do as all you need to do is tighten up the muscles above the Larynx when you speak. For some people, this is enough to put them in the female range. One word of warning. If it hurts, stop doing it. A hurting voice indicates you are causing damage to the voice and if it can be corrected, it will be costly. The next voice up is the Falsetto and we will leave that alone for now because you need to use the mouth voice well before moving into the Falsetto.
The mouth voice is the key to all female voices. Women use it naturally. For a male to do a female voice, they must do it and most important, when I get my voice back after surgery, I will normally use the mouth voice to control the surgical voice. I am unsure if I will use the Falsetto voice because I don't know if I will need that much upper range. If I do, I suspect it will be for an excited voice or baby talk voice.
There is software for a PC or smart phone that can help figuring out where you are as well as using voice recording web sites so other can share in your progress. It also is possible that your parents can lend an ear as well.
Hopefully your voice is still high enough that speech therapy will do the job. By the way, after you use the mouth voice for a while it becomes locked in and it's hard to return to the male voice.

Murplethepurple · July 24, 2015, 10:14:51 PM

Thank you. I sing in the school choir as a baritone. I did change my elective this year so that way I could work on my female voice. I never thought about it that way. I guess I do. I am a very curios person who wants to know everything there is to know about the universe. While living as my true self. I will look into voice therapy as an afterschool type of thing. I used to take piano lessons. Maybe my old teacher knows somebody. I will probably just ask my girlfriends at school help me figure out exactly where my female voice is. The only good news about being in the choir is I can falsetto almost as high as a soprano comfortably (going into soprano is uncomfortable for me). I am on the higher end of the alto. Might make my prospect of using a female voice easier?

Dena · July 24, 2015, 10:27:46 PM

If you are comfortable in the Alto range, you are pretty well there. If you have a smart phone, we may be able to set that up as a speech lab. It would be better if we can keep you out of the Falsetto. I would be careful about relying on the girls because they may want to put your voice higher than it should be.
If all you have is a PC to work with, I can do some looking around for software but I have found it's better to have it with you at all times when you are working on a new voice. The singing lessons will come in handy because all we need to do is find the range that work for you. It appears your voice hasn't dropped much yet. A good reason to get you on blockers as soon as possible.

Let me know which smart phone you have if you have one.

Murplethepurple · July 24, 2015, 10:40:07 PM

All I have is a Mac but I have it with me 24/7 except when I go to bed because I do not remove it from my desk which is not in my room because my room desk is for things that have made me who I am today. I will take that tip and make sure that a speech therapist or at least my choir teacher thinks it is a good range. My voice has dropped a lot. I have just sang in a choir for most of my life so I have a very flexible voice. I used to not be able to sing lower than an alto when i was 13. I hope to get on blockers but I have to wait until the begining of the school year before I can start talking to a therapist.

I have an I-Pod nano 7th generation maybe there is an audio track that can help?

Dena · July 24, 2015, 10:53:44 PM

Going to have to be the MAC. Don't worry because I am all MAC hardware in this end with laptops and a Mac Pro for the main power house. I think I have the software found but I need to look at it more as it's far more complicated than what I wanted to give you and I have't had dinner yet so I want to do that as well. I don't know what timezone you are in but I am in Arizona which currently is in California making it about 9Pm. I will check back latter.

Dena · July 25, 2015, 12:16:14 AM

This isn't what I really want but it will get the job done. We are interested in the frequency and for now we want it to at or below 220 Hz. You will probably have the package figured out before I get on the web tomorrow.
As I said, do not force your voice and if you have pain, stop and don't try it again until you know how to do it without paint.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,150142.0.html

Murplethepurple · July 25, 2015, 09:59:22 AM

Thank you for the help. I will spend some time tonight looking at it. Don't have much time because of golf and then getting my ears pierced.

It will be a little difficult but I think about an hour of work with it should be good.

stephaniec · July 25, 2015, 10:04:18 AM

Quote from: Murplethepurple on July 25, 2015, 09:59:22 AM
Thank you for the help. I will spend some time tonight looking at it. Don't have much time because of golf and then getting my ears pierced. It will be a little difficult but I think about an hour of work with it should be good.

If you want to talk about the universe or physics your more than welcome to interrupt my chanting into the void to discuss matters of importance.

Murplethepurple · July 25, 2015, 10:52:10 AM

Ok. Thank You.

Murplethepurple · July 25, 2015, 10:43:28 PM

I think I figured out how to use Praat but I'm not sure. Ah, whatever. It at least allows me to listen to myself and I sound so unlike a girl. I really need to at least go talk to my choir teacher cause I can't go for more than a couple of hours without getting a really dry throat. Maybe I just have to get used to talking like a female. I should probably start out until my throat starts getting dry and then stoping and letting my voice rest. But what I am trying to say is this program works! Thanks so much Dena!

Dena · July 25, 2015, 10:52:30 PM

Nothing wrong with having water handy when you are talking. When i worked product support on the phone I always had water or tea available to sip on. When you first start talking in the female range, you will be using muscles you have never used much before. It will take time to build up the strength in them but the more you can use the new voice the faster it will happen.

I need feed back!! I want to know the frequency you are reaching in your voice and the what your old voice frequency is like as well.

I knew the program would work as it is one of many out there. I use a iPhone when altering my voice but for years I didn't use anything. In any case, let me know what is happening and you are welcome.

Murplethepurple · July 25, 2015, 11:00:32 PM

Yes. I forgot about letting you know what frequency I am hitting. In my normal male voice I was hitting 95 Hz and in my "female" voice I consistently was 240 Hz.

I hit 209 Hz a couple of times but was unable to hold it consistently.

Just takes practice.

Dena · July 25, 2015, 11:08:57 PM

Quote from: Murplethepurple on July 25, 2015, 11:00:32 PM
Yes. I forgot about letting you know what frequency I am hitting. In my normal male voice I was hitting 95 Hz and in my "female" voice I consistently was 240 Hz. I hit 209 Hz a couple of times but was unable to hold it consistently. Just takes practice.

I hope you still have flexibly left in the voice. You are around the same as my old voice. As I said, if this hurts, don't do it. Try working the 190 to 220 Hz range. It is a little low for someone your age but pushing it all the way may be more than that voice can handle right now.

Murplethepurple · July 25, 2015, 11:11:53 PM

It doesn't hurt. My throat just starts to get dry and then my voice cracks at like 300 to 310 Hz and then it drops back in my deep bass voice when I sing. I'm just going to keep practicing and hopefully I will be able to control it.

Dena · July 25, 2015, 11:16:48 PM

Middle C 261 hz is the "average" female voice so you don't need to go any higher than that.
This chart will show you where Transexual voice are normally placed.
http://www.nyspeechandvoicelab.net/transgender/voice-feminization/

Murplethepurple · July 25, 2015, 11:24:04 PM

Ok. Thanks. I will aim to hit around 246 Hz until I can control it like I was born with it.

Turtlesrule · August 06, 2015, 03:13:24 PM

Thank you Murplethepurple. Sorry I have been away so long everyone. My family was very accepting right away and even said that they were thinking I was transgender for a while. When I told my best friend however him and his family shunned me and made me so angry I did a couple of illegal things and would up in juvi for a couple of days (also lost my driver license for 180 days). My parents took away all my rights to my computer and phone because of my actions and I have not been able to check. I have had access for a couple days now but I had a lot of emails and other such stuff to go through before I could check the forums. I am sorry if I have worried you but I am in good health and all is well. Still waiting to start living full time. Due to the recent happenings I haven't had time to buy new clothes and donate my old ones to a non-profit organization for under-privilaged kids in Zambia. I am hoping in the next month or so I can start living full time and that my other friends don't just despise me after it. I guess only time will tell.

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Come out to Parents