A blessing in disguise.

[Sondra Marie]

So I'll be telling my girlfriend (of 5 years) I'm TG this Friday after I go see my therapist. We've talked about a plan of attack, and considered some of the possible reactions and the best way to respond to said reactions and so on and we've had a few sessions at this point to talk about it. Expect the worst, hope for the best. I'm prepared for the worst but I'm terrified of losing her. I love her to death and our lives are pretty much entwined. Naturally, as the day draws closer, it's all I can think about so I'm horrified and I can't sleep which amplifies my anxiety and makes me more tired at work which makes me feel worse. Lucky for me I think a spider egg hatched somewhere in, or near, my bed because I've found like 30 baby spiders crawling on me in the last hour. But hey, maybe it's a blessing in disguise because now all I can think about is the spiders in my bed which is at least more comforting than the horrible outcomes I keep playing over and over in my head.

Sorry for the depressing sarcasm but I'm just sitting her thinking "Really? spiders too???" Why couldn't it have been bunnies?!? I really wanted to cry but instead I think I'll just sit here and vent to you all and try to keep moving forward. Life's a bully sometimes but they say it's always darkest before the dawn so hopefully things will get better after Friday.

-Ondi

[katrinaw]

hugs Ondie...

I wish you well for Friday... all my fingers and toes X'd

Hmm spiders in the bed v's snakes in the plane???

It's so true you're last sentence...

best wishes and good luck for Friday

Hugs...
Katy

[Yenneffer]

hugs Ondie...

I wish you well for Friday... all my fingers and toes X'd

Hmm spiders in the bed v's snakes in the plane???

It's so true you're last sentence...

best wishes and good luck for Friday

Hugs...
Katy

snakes any day

[Jacqueline]

Sondra Marie,

I just went through this about 3-4 months ago. I always knew something was weird with me, I thought I was a pervert and was always depressed. Started therapy 6 months ago and finally came to self discovery. After 50 years I concluded that I am transgendered. The hard part was telling my wife of going on 25 years. Have not told the three teens yet.

I prepared similarly to you. I was also advised to be simple and clear. Don't describe every little thing. Certainly check to see that she understands the basics once it is revealed. The other advice was to be still and leave room for her to react. She may ask the same questions more than once. She may take a while for it to process. As others have said communications are key. Not saying it always helps. Oh yes, I was also advised not to chase physically (or verbally). Make yourself available and try to breath.

That's what happened with me. She did not run screaming. She did not say, "Oh good, I always wanted to marry a transsexual".  We are taking it slow now and seeing where it all leads. Between us talking and both of us doing therapy, it has not been the tragedy it could be. Love is still there. We will see if it is enough in time.

I wish you all the luck you can have and the best communication skills.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Sondra Marie]

Sondra Marie,

I just went through this about 3-4 months ago. I always knew something was weird with me, I thought I was a pervert and was always depressed. Started therapy 6 months ago and finally came to self discovery. After 50 years I concluded that I am transgendered. The hard part was telling my wife of going on 25 years. Have not told the three teens yet.

I prepared similarly to you. I was also advised to be simple and clear. Don't describe every little thing. Certainly check to see that she understands the basics once it is revealed. The other advice was to be still and leave room for her to react. She may ask the same questions more than once. She may take a while for it to process. As others have said communications are key. Not saying it always helps. Oh yes, I was also advised not to chase physically (or verbally). Make yourself available and try to breath.

That's what happened with me. She did not run screaming. She did not say, "Oh good, I always wanted to marry a transsexual".  We are taking it slow now and seeing where it all leads. Between us talking and both of us doing therapy, it has not been the tragedy it could be. Love is still there. We will see if it is enough in time.

I wish you all the luck you can have and the best communication skills.

With warmth,

Joanna

Ohh boy, I was just having a heart attack, couldn't breathe because the moment of truth is about an hour and a half away, then I read this and now I can breathe. Thank you!! I will be leaving for an appointment with my therapist in about 10 minutes, at which point I will be telling her there's something we need to talk about when I get back (she doesn't know I've been seeing a therapist because I didn't want to lie about why I was going). When I get back, we'll sit down and talk about it. This made me feel a lot better. Thank you. I think now I'll be able to drive to and from my appointment without having a meltdown.

-Ondi

[Jacqueline]

Glad to have been of some help. It's odd, there are moments where I feel I can't do anything right for myself but it is easier to help and see things through other's experiences. Thank you.

I know how you felt. I think most of us have been there in one way or another.

Let us know how it goes. We wish you love and hope.

With warmth,

Joanna

[Sondra Marie]

Well, this is the first time I've been to Susan's without an incognito browser. I can't wrap my mind around the feelings I'm having. She said she wanted me to be happy more than anything but she couldn't be with me if I were a woman. She's not romantically attracted to women. She thanked me for telling her before we were married and she's glad I told her. She started crying and she said "I don't want you to think I'm crying because I'm angry. I'm crying because I'm in shock." She was very understanding and respectful. She's a sweetheart.

BUT...

We came to the conclusion that now that it's out in the open our relationship will never be the same.

If I'm aloud to present myself as myself and we stay together:
- she will feel horrible forcing herself to be with a woman and will not live a happy life.
- I will feel horrible making her feel horrible because i really want her to be happy.

If I'm not aloud to present myself as myself and we stay together:
- she will feel horrible knowing that I'm forcing myself to live a lie to be with her.
- I will continue to feel horrible knowing I will always struggle for happiness in this cage.

The outcomes were not appealing.

If we call it quits and say it was a good run, we both have an opportunity to start over. She is my best friend and I think we'll always be very close, but it's over (romantically). As depressing as it is right now, I think she will be happier , and I will be able to live without a mask. It ended respectfully and mutually. We both cried and it really sucks, but somehow our friendship completely overwhelmed our romance. I may have lost my girlfriend but at least I still have my best friend and thinking about it now, that's all I really wanted in the end.

-Ondi

[Jacqueline]

Ondi,

It is so hard to do. I am sure you are feeling a mix of relief and regret. You may have avoided resentment.

Painful now but you seem to be in a good spot. I may end up in the same one in the future. I think I don't resent any.

Congratulations and I am sorry. However, a best friend is nothing to sneeze at.

I wish you all the luck and smooth progress you can have.

With warm thoughts,

Joanna