Turnaround chance?

[Emileeeee]

So I posted the original coming out thread on a different board, but the gist is that I told all of my family and got an overwhelming vote of support from almost everybody, even from those that I didn't think there was any chance of support from.

But it's been about a week and now those same people are more in an observation mode and less in an interactive mode. When I try to explain something, they take a defensive stance. I'm also hearing about family discussions and confusion, but again, if I try to address the confusion, they go into defense mode. I'm not full-time yet and haven't actually seen any of them in person since I made the statement.

Has anybody else run into a situation where they got the too good to be true results, then had to watch their family walk out of their lives? Because that's what I'm afraid is about to happen to me. I'm not sure I can handle that. I was prepared for the total lack of support when I told them. Now that I have hope, I'm afraid of losing it.

[katrinaw]

Its a very hard thing for families to grasp, despite all the support...

You may well find they are really trying to understand you and what transgender really means...

I would be gentle with them, help them learn, can any go with you to counselling or Gender Therapy sessions?

Above all, don't despair yet, a week is a very short time... they are coming to grips with years of you as you were, now being turned about on them.

But you must keep positive and focused at all times but be considerate of them...They will, I am sure come round fully over time.

Katy xx

[Emileeeee]

I could probably take some immediate family to counseling, but the extended family is too large, larger than some towns in TX.

I'm basically getting the we'll treat you like family, but we won't support you response. I've had that my entire life and hated it. It's part of the fuel that made me want to transition.

I'll try to hold out hope though. Thanks!

[Jacqueline]

Emileeeee

Is it possible that you are looking closer than you need to? I know that I am often seeing everything in minute detail through my transfilter. I am pretty middle aged but early in my journey. I had noticed that for awhile I was seeing everything magnified and through a perspective that may not be shared by all.

I am not trying to discredit what you see of the family you know and I have never seen. It is possible that they want to support you as a family member but now see the descriptions and definitions and confusion and need to take in more before they can interact.

It is also possible that some are backing away a little. I have been given the advice to let those I have told have some time, and space. Don't chase them but don't write them off. I have seen many families come back together after a long misunderstanding. I hope it doesn't come to that but it is harder to mend when one side or the other creates a boundary.

Not sure if that makes sense. I am a little bleary eyed.

I hope this all smooths out for you. Best wishes.

With warm thoughts,

Joanna

[Emileeeee]

They've already made the statement that they'll treat me like family, but not support me. There's nothing to read into that, but maybe I'm letting it get to me more than is healthy.

I'm sure my emotions are amplified from so many years of feeling like it was my duty to be miserable so everybody else could be happy. To finally have the courage to be happy and get a response like this, feels like they're beating me back down again.

I'll give them some more time, like a month, and hold out some hope.

[Jacqueline]

Emileeeee,

A month seems pretty good. Then make sure you're not holding onto the stick too.

Plus, learn to duck.

Not to make light of a tough situation. It is now your duty to see how you could be happy. Try not to hurt others but don't let their perceived discomfort become your pain.

Good luck and with warmth,

Joanna

[Cindy Stephens]

It is hard to get a group to agree to much of anything.  The "group perception" is often determined by only one or two "influencers" who can taint the group psychology to their own opinion or view.  This is true in the real world, not just your family.  It is always wise, I think, to have a champion.  Someone on your side that can answer questions, defend you, and get others to look at uncle bob as a raving lunatic for trashing you.  Is there anyone that seems most easy, positive, encouraging toward your transition?  Maybe try to concentrate on totally educating and opening up to that person in particular.  It may be easier for your undecided or waffling family members to go to that person rather than you for information and support.  Just an idea, but one I have used frequently and successfully in the business world.     

[Emileeeee]

I was trying to avoid bringing this into the conversation because it can be a trigger for some, but the driving factor behind the resistance is religion. They won't listen to me at all because they read an article once that says I'm mentally ill. My mother did find a Christian website that says the opposite though, so hopefully she'll send that to them and they'll be more willing to read it coming from her and because it's a Christian source instead of a medical or scientific one.

I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it's hard. I pretty much cried all day yesterday. They're looking at a transition as being a drastic change that will make me more unhappy in the long run. I feel like what was drastic was living my life in misery so long so they could live in their perfect world.

I don't understand how the very people that taught me what unconditional love is, are showing me that they really have no idea. If any one of them had said the same thing to me, I would have accepted it without a second thought. What's ironic is that the people that preach acceptance are the ones that are denying it to me and the people that preached a lack of tolerance are the ones accepting me without question.

[KristinaM]

I was trying to avoid bringing this into the conversation because it can be a trigger for some, but the driving factor behind the resistance is religion. They won't listen to me at all because they read an article once that says I'm mentally ill. My mother did find a Christian website that says the opposite though, so hopefully she'll send that to them and they'll be more willing to read it coming from her and because it's a Christian source instead of a medical or scientific one.

I'm trying not to let it get to me, but it's hard. I pretty much cried all day yesterday. They're looking at a transition as being a drastic change that will make me more unhappy in the long run. I feel like what was drastic was living my life in misery so long so they could live in their perfect world.

I don't understand how the very people that taught me what unconditional love is, are showing me that they really have no idea. If any one of them had said the same thing to me, I would have accepted it without a second thought. What's ironic is that the people that preach acceptance are the ones that are denying it to me and the people that preached a lack of tolerance are the ones accepting me without question.

My mom is the exact same way as what you're describing.  Quoting things to me about how unhappy I will be or how likely I will be to commit suicide and all the regret I'll have.  How after I go through all of this, I'll have already damaged my entire family and there will be no turning back, blah blah blah.  How this is a mental illness that can be cured, there's supposedly proof from one doctor at Johns Hopkins!  One.  Doctor.  How 70-80% of children that exhibit signs of cross-gender desires ultimately change their mind.  That sounds about right, since nearly all children experience cross-gender play at some point, some don't, and the rest are ACTUALLY TRANS.  Geebus, it's like I'm talking to a brick wall with her sometimes.  I'm trying to be patient though.

I asked my mom today to stop looking at all the negativity out there on the internet b/c it will just overwhelm you!  Try looking for some positive stories instead as there are plenty.  Forget my father, I don't care if he ever comes around.

Please send me the link to that Christian-based article your talking about, I'd like to send it to my mom as well.