Hormones for emotional relief, not physical feminization

[translora]

AnonyMs,

My spouse is, at the moment, unwilling to meet with my therapist, despite the fact that my therapist encouraged such a meeting. I think that would make it too real of a thing for her. She did find her own therapist, but has not pursued the process because A) it's very expensive, and B) she just doesn't want to deal with it.

JoanneB,

I get your point. By "lay the groundwork for a full transition" I only mean that I have to prepare for the ultimate because it very well may happen, whether I want it or not, and even if it is not my initial intention. I also have to be honest with myself: Full transition would probably be my preferred outcome.

What I'm hearing is that there's no predicting how I will feel -- how my feelings will change -- once on even a low dose of hormones. With that in mind, it's best to consider all possible outcomes, and make sure I can live with them, even as I try to decide which I prefer.

Autrement,

That's an amazing analogy. I can use that! Thank you.

Lora

[AnonyMs]

My wife refused to go for a long time as well, but that single half hour changed everything. Which is probably why she wouldn't go.

I think you're like me, planning things out like you do. I still do it, researching in depth and mapping out all the possibilities, but I've learned that at the end of the day I have no control. Probably because I was trying to stop rather than going forward. I agree entirely with JoanneB as well.

One thing about how you feel on HRT, its probably just normal or good. You get used to it. I get euphoria from the estrogen for the first week or two. But it's really hard to go back to feeling terrible when you can feel good. You probably don't realize what you're missing right now, which is good or bad depending on how you look at it.

[Joelene9]

AnonyMs,


What I'm hearing is that there's no predicting how I will feel -- how my feelings will change -- once on even a low dose of hormones. With that in mind, it's best to consider all possible outcomes, and make sure I can live with them, even as I try to decide which I prefer.

Autrement,

That's an amazing analogy. I can use that! Thank you.

Lora

That's correct. As a late transitioner, I had decades to consider the ramifications of going on HRT. Also I did not even date during this time because I did not want to hurt the woman that I would be involved with. It was the high PSA readings I had that triggered me to go on HRT at age 58. About a month and a half on it I noticed that I was not depressed anymore. More than 4 years and 8 months later, still not depressed.
  The HRT may have helped me to cope with the severe pain associated with my rare autoimmune neurological disorder that flared up the past 3 years. Ironically, both would of been treatable in 1977 when I requested HRT from my shrink back then. The neurological disorder was known before 1952 and the treatments for that are the same today with 90% effectiveness. The HRT, no doctor back then would want to alter the hormone balance in men. That was taboo. Women yes, as in birth control and hysterectomies aplenty! The neurological disorder hid behind the topical drug resistant athlete's foot/psoriasis problem in the feet. My current main provider has not heard of the disorder. He does re-up my HRT prescriptions and checks my blood panel though.

Joelene

[judithlynn]

Anonymous;
One interesting side effect for me from my Low dose HRT is that  my very bad arthritis triggered in my left leg/knee (i Nearly lost it due to necrotising fascists after a Strep infection of the lower leg)  is massively improved by me Oestrogen HRT. I don't know how that is possible, but if I miss a dose for some reason (I ran out on my medication on a recent trip), after 2 days I am nearly crippled with the arthritic pain in the knee, which almost doesn't exist with Oestrogen therapy. Also  like other my depression has been non existing seen been on Oestrogen!

[AnonyMs]

Anonymous;
One interesting side effect for me from my Low dose HRT is that  my very bad arthritis triggered in my left leg/knee (i Nearly lost it due to necrotising fascists after a Strep infection of the lower leg)  is massively improved by me Oestrogen HRT. I don't know how that is possible, but if I miss a dose for some reason (I ran out on my medication on a recent trip), after 2 days I am nearly crippled with the arthritic pain in the knee, which almost doesn't exist with Oestrogen therapy. Also  like other my depression has been non existing seen been on Oestrogen!

Another coincidence then because I had a serious medical problem that also got better when I increased my HRT from low dose to a full transitioning level. It didn't go away but improved significantly, and I think it was the massive reduction in stress. That revelation made me take my problems much more seriously. Its not all in my head when it shows up in blood tests. I won't mention what is was here as I don't want to put all the pieces of my life in once place for people to find - there's a reason for my choice of user name. Your one sounds different though.

[Chloe]

So I'm seeing that my next step is really to work through the life conditions which are inhibiting me from transitioning. (It's totally a spousal thing. I think I'm actually ready for whatever the rest of the world may have in store for me, but she is not.)

Aye! The truth be known . . . the 'ole marriage tyranny, knew it well, obviously ye are not free!! There's absolutely no reason why you cannot "reduce dysphonia" while still presenting & performing "as male"? Sprout small breasts with a more feminine appearance where people actually mistake you for ma'am? Having done it for years I assure you nobody will really know or care WITH THE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION OF HER!!

So the question remains: where does your true passion lie?? In the servicing of some other's selfish needs or the greater fulfilment of your own? Have children already? Many will dish out guilt & paint transition as a very self-centered choice but it doesn't have to be that way ALL remains entirely up to you!!

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

[translora]

...some other's selfish needs...

Not exactly how I would characterize it. She doesn't say "no," or make threats or anything like that. She tries to understand but honestly cannot. How could she? Were the situation reversed, I would have exactly the same problem.

Right now, the idea of me being in any stage of transition gives her deep, psychic pain (as well as physical nausea). If I didn't care so much about her, I could ignore this, I suppose. But our relationship is wonderful, and I could never bring myself to say (about this or anything), "This is what I'm doing. Deal with it."

Because she is filled with compassion, her approach has already softened since my dysphoria returned and became an issue again a couple of years ago. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and I know her well enough to know that she reconsiders her opinions. She adapts and grows. And she wants very much not just to tolerate this, but to embrace it, and to be my advocate.

We're just not there yet. In her professional work, she is an advocate for LGBT issues, among other things. But it's different when it hits so close to home...

When we first married, one of our specific promises was to accept that each of us will change, and that the other will strive to grow with, and adapt to, those changes. I don't think either of us imagined a change this big, but here we are.

I am optimistic, and patient, and will be so for as long as I can manage -- hence the question which started this thread.

...dysphonia...

The typo made me smile. With an 'n' in the middle, it sounds like a condition of the ears -- perhaps that they feel like the wrong size or shape!

Lora