Big Man Hands...does it matter?

[lemons]

I feel like this is so stupid, but I'm caught up on how big my hands look. (8 inches from middle finger to wrist, 3.5 across palm) Like, every time I look down at myself I see cute skinny feminine arms with big man hands. At least they're relatively slender and not stubby and meaty looking, but....I hate that painting my nails just extenuates them.  I'm actually somewhat ok with having bigger feet, because I at least went down a few shoe sizes,(I went from like a size 15 in womens to size 12 or so) but ughhh why do my hands look so stupid to me.




I don't even intend to ever go stealth, I just want to be seen as female 70-90% of the time in short passing social situations.  If someone pegs me as cis or trans, whatever, I just don't wanna be seen as male is all.  I've also noticed most older women tend to have these sized hands, although slightly smaller and more slender palms.

[natash]

Judging by your wrists, they look proportional to me. I think there will always be some flaw that I will see when I look in the mirror. I think it's about the same thing as the anorexic girl thinking she's fat.

[Ms Grace]

You're really having a hard time with yourself, aren't you? FFS, neck, now your hands.

Most of us are damaged in some way or another thanks to testosterone poisoning. My voice and height should be dead give aways that I am trans. And yet they barely register with anyone.

Like I said when you posted about your neck, people don't walk around singling out other people's body parts and proclaiming them "man necks/hands/whatever". 99% of other people are just too preoccupied with themselves or their smartphones to care.

[natash]

Voice & height.. not so much. My mother was 6'2", as am I, and she had a dark voice. My voice... well, it ranges between deep baritone and deep baritone. Might have to have surgery on that. Just want to give voice therapy an honest go first.

[ShadowCharms]

As someone who also has large hands, I don't think I've ever noticed anyone having an issue with it. In fact, people sometimes comment that my hands are pretty. I have also had people peg me as female after staring at my hands for a lengthy amount of time while I fill out paperwork or something. I don't think I could even tell you the last time I actually noticed the size of someone else's hands.

All of that being said, I know what it feels like to obsess over some detail about yourself that seems too masculine to you; sometimes it's not really about what other people think of it, but rather what you think of it. It can be really hard to just accept parts of ourselves that we can't change, when they really matter to us. For instance, I don't have particularly feminine hips, and that bothers me. My guess is that not a lot of other people notice that, but it still gets to me in private.

I think part of being a girl is learning to tolerate the things you don't like about your body. Every woman out there has stuff she thinks is too masculine, or too big, or too strong. Part of being a woman is learning how to cope with that stuff either by hiding it, or flaunting it. One of the ways women bond is over the stuff we hate about our bodies. I think that learning to live with it and share it with the right people is part of transitioning.

[misty2]

Hi Lemons,

Your concern with details is intense but OK. You will be well educated from your passionate search for enlightenment. However,  ultimately I think you will learn that it is not as important as you think. I will post here again, what I wrote to you on the "passing" thread...


Hi Lemons,

Andrea James wrote about the three critical areas of passing over a decade ago, I believe they are still true today.

1. Face (solved with FFS + Hormones)
2. Beard (solved with Laser + Hormones)
3. Voice (solved, best, in my opinion with VFS.)

FFS, VFS, Hormones and beard removal will allow 95% of those undergoing those procedures to pass. Perhaps even 98% to 99% (Add SRS and "pass" naked.)

Hands, feet, waist to hip ration, breast size, height are all distractions (have little effect on passing or getting clocked) to the primary goal. The only time these things (big hands for example) will be mentioned is when the person, who brings up big hands as an issue, already knows the person is trans. Either because the transperson reveals it openly or because the transperson was clocked due to shortcomings in beard removal, voice correction or masculine facial features.

I will personally add that having your natural hair rather relying on a wig is helpful. But, still, is not one of the "core" items.

Kind Regards,

Danielle

I will add to this comment that if I told 100 people Gisele Bündchen was trans (and they did not know Gisele Bündchen) 91 of those people would find some aspect (after the fact!) that proves to them it was true. "oh, yeah, now that you mention it, he/she does have big hands, is too tall, has a masculine jaw..." they would find something to confirm what they now believe.  In a way you are doing this, right now, with yourself. Lemons, eventually, as you learn and evolve in your femininity you will be OK.

[amber roskamp]

I will add to this comment that if I told 100 people Gisele Bündchen was trans (and they did not know Gisele Bündchen) 91 of those people would find some aspect (after the fact!) that proves to them it was true. "oh, yeah, now that you mention it, he/she does have big hands, is too tall, has a masculine jaw..." they would find something to confirm what they now believe.  In a way you are doing this, right now, with yourself. Lemons, eventually, as you learn and evolve in your femininity you will be OK.

^^^^ this is so true. if you look around the web there are always celebrities ( female ones) that people here a rumor that they are trans and then they all the sudden point out there masculine traits. a few celebs that have had to deal with this are lady gaga, iggy azeala sp?, and Michelle Obama. None of them look like anything but women, but when people heard some rumor that they were trans there like "woah!!! look at her shoulders" or "her boobs are really small" or "she's got man hands"

[Jill F]

My cis wife has hands that are just as big, wrists that are almost as big, and has longer fingers.  My advice- get a really sweet manicure and give any haters the finger. 

Did I mention manicure?

[misty2]

Thank you beautiful Amber.

And Jill...

My cis wife has hands that are just as big, wrists that are almost as big, and has longer fingers.  My advice- get a really sweet manicure and give any haters the finger. 

Did I mention manicure?

Love it. Hilarious. Thank you for that day-brightener. I want to go out to dinner with you and your wife... come visit Florida. I need to steal your material. Kind Regards, Danielle

[Jill F]

Thank you beautiful Amber.

And Jill...

Love it. Hilarious. Thank you for that day-brightener. I want to go out to dinner with you and your wife... come visit Florida. I need to steal your material. Kind Regards, Danielle

I'd love to hang out with you as well, but I'd have to get over this whole fear of flying thingy first.  Well, it's either that or drive across a bunch of red states with California plates.   I've actually never been to Florida, or as I like to call it, America's flaccid penis.   

I'll be here all week.

[sam1234]

In general, I think we tend to see the features that we don't think fit our genders more than others do. Having to pass in the world as our brain genders tends to make us scrutinize ourselves to find things that may give us away. If you look at people in general though, there will always be women with big hands, men with small hands, tall women, short men. Take yourself out of the equation and really look at people next time you go out.

Your discomfort is understandable, and to a degree we probably all have it, but the less you dwell on it, the less people will notice. For instance if you are always worried about your hand size, you will subconsciously hide them or try to avert people's eyes from them. If you can tell yourself that your hand size is just part of you, your behavior regarding your hands will be more normal.

I'm a guy and only 5'6", pretty short, so I know the feeling.

Sam1234

[ClaudiaLove]

Big hands ... oh , they do matter in passing  , i am not passable but i could blend somehow if it wasn't for the Adam's Apple and my big hands . They can be seen from miles away . Yes , maybe other girls have them but cis girls can pull 'them off ' differently . There are thousands of girls with bigger arms than mines yet i stand up instantly that i have muscular arms although they got almost in the skinny range .

But yes , i  could live with them , if i was pretty overall . You know , just a beautifull-clearly-trans-girl . After all i am used not to pass and trying to get a guy being stealth seems like a burden anyway , for a transhobic man , no matter how passable and ' real ' i'd look , i'd be still a trans .

[Danielle89]

I have big hands too and a lot of veins appear in my arms. So sad (