Are these trans people giving the wrong impression of being trans?

[FemPossible]

Disclaimer: I am not trying to bring another site's drama here, nor am I saying there is a "right" way to question your gender. This is just something that's really bothering me.

I regularly go to a (EDIT) sub called AskTransgender. It has helped me figure a lot of things out. It, in my opinion, is not like the rest of (EDIT). However, whenever someone asks questions about their gender and they mention that they're into kinky, fetish-y stuff, it seems like the members give them the go-ahead to start hrt. In most cases, the people say they don't even have the desire to be another gender after they've "you-know-what". However, when someone mentions things like being really into gender roles, they get interrogated and told to start therapy. Now I get that being feminine or masculine doesn't determine gender, but why is being kinky more legit? In the case of trans women, it's like telling them that being a woman is all about being a submissive sex toy. That's not right.

Am I missing something here? Am I being a prude or something? Please tell me what you think and I apologize if I come off as being prudish, I don't think that kink is a definite no but it shouldn't be a definite yes IMO.

_______________________________

(EDIT) for terms of service #1.

[Tessa James]

Ahh that interminable junction between sex and gender resurfaces again!  Transgender is a huge rainbow colored umbrella and can fit part time crossdressers, agender people, people just questioning gender and some who got "through that stage" and now just consider themselves a man or a woman.

While we might all want to see shining examples of positive transgender lives this is an era when disclosure often includes a sexual preference, orientation or practices as part of the package.  Take a look at music videos which are more like soft core porn these days.  And then I grew up in the dark ages when a sears catalog was a source for anatomy lessons.

[HoneyStrums]

Its hard to say.

I just saw two comments here recently.
Somthing sugesting, a coralation of left handedness and trangenderisme.
and somewear sombody pointed out that being into BDSM seam to be common amongst some of us here.

Do I think having either of these, attributes are a sugestion a person is transgender? No.

although, i can understand how a person that is transgender might say other people are, if a lot of the kink (especialy gender based kink) is in their background too. and for every trans person with this in their background saying i was like that too, SUGGESTS they are trans, but....

If 100 people like swimming, chocolate ice-cream, my little pony, top gear and jeremmy kyle, BUT 99 OF them are transgender, that doesnt mean that 1/100 is transgender too.

its so easy to find sombody that has had a similer exsperience as we have, and say maybe you are trans, but what should be highlighted is, only they themselves truely know if they are or not.

they might still be questioning, meaning they still dont know yet, but to try and influence their outcome instead of offering advise, and suggestions towords being able to better understand themselves as a person, is perhaps just placing sombody into a box inwhich they may not belong.

eg,
kinky -> trans box
penis -> man box
vag -> woman box

this mentality is counter productive, IMO. their is but one box.

person -> people box

[stephaniec]

Maybe I'm isolated . but I never visit any other sites . The land of gender expression can be quite divergent and peoples ideas have a wide range. I found this site to be quite compatible to how I look at being trans, so I've tended to stick around. I really wouldn't hazard a guess as to what others believe. You can just about find any belief system you want on the internet. You just need to find one or more that fits your needs.

[FemPossible]

although, i can understand how a person that is transgender might say other people are, if a lot of the kink (especialy gender based kink) is in their background too. and for every trans person with this in their background saying i was like that too, SUGGESTS they are trans, but....

If 100 people like swimming, chocolate ice-cream, my little pony, top gear and jeremmy kyle, BUT 99 OF them are transgender, that doesnt mean that 1/100 is transgender too.

its so easy to find sombody that has had a similer exsperience as we have, and say maybe you are trans, but what should be highlighted is, only they themselves truely know if they are or not.

I don't mind when they say, "I went through this too" but then they go on about how they started transitioning and stuff. As if the person was sure. The only thing the person is sure of is that they feel like they might be a woman only when they masturbate or engage in forced feminization. Sure, that doesn't invalidate them but it could just be a fetish and they're rarely told to seek therapy first. The only ones who get questioned are those who say things like they're really feminine, like feminine things, like to be treated as a lady etc. To me it seems like being kinky gets a pass.

Maybe I'm isolated . but I never visit any other sites . The land of gender expression can be quite divergent and peoples ideas have a wide range. I found this site to be quite compatible to how I look at being trans, so I've tended to stick around. I really wouldn't hazard a guess as to what others believe. You can just about find any belief system you want on the internet. You just need to find one or more that fits your needs.

I try to ignore it and say that I should just focus on myself. I even took a break from that place. But then I'd see someone asking (anywhere online) if transgender people only transition for sex and then that person gets flamed for asking. People respond that sex is not the reason why people transition. So that makes me feel like we're covering up the sexual people just to make ourselves look good. That's not really fair. We should say things like "some people might but not all of us".

[suzifrommd]

I've never really spent much time there, so I can't speak directly.

I do know that a lot of people who post online (even here) don't have a clue. Many of the rest see the world through the lens of their own experiences. I've been at this site a number of years, and there have been times where it seemed like everyone felt a certain way, when it was just a few, very vocal people.

What I'm suggesting is that it's not a good idea to put much stock in what people post online, especially when it comes to what's right or not right for some individual. When you're online, people don't know you, don't know your life, so really have no clue what you should be doing.

When I look back at my early posts, an awful lot of people told me I wasn't trans. Right.

That being said, I don't think every trans person needs therapy. I figured out my stuff without it, and a lot of people I've spoken to has a similar experience.

[Laura_7]

Well I'd say don't take it personal...
if you really look at it its possibly only a few people, making the same remarks, and others joining in...
but I'd say you're right, people should make their own choices... you might say so if you feel like that... maybe in a matter-of-fact way so nobody feels the need to start an argument...


hugs

[HoneyStrums]

We as people have to accept that, inside the trans comunitty, as well as outside of it, people are unique.

And i dont think their is such a thing as a validating trans exsperience,

eg, if you havent done this your not trans, or
if you dont do this your trans ect.

what is true however is,
that once we start moving along those line it become invalidating to those of us, that are trans and havent dont this, or those that didnt do this and are not.

here at susans, the population is so divers, because we dont speak about what makes people trans, we speak about what makes us, the people we are.

we for the most part say,
I was like that, this is what i did

instead of, i did that too, you do this next.



It wasnt too long ago, that I made a post that sugested, that because a person used a few choice words that maybe they wasnt trans,

suzi, then god bless her pointed out that when she first came here she pretty much used all the same words and phrases.

i think if you try and paint a picture of the trans comunitty you will get it wrong, just like if you tried painting a picture of what man and women are like. it will just creat a sterio type with its own set of exspectations, and ways to be like in order to be accepted.

[EmmaMcAllister]

My personal opinion is that there is no such thing as a uniform trans experience. What it is to be trans for me is not what it is to be trans for you or anyone else. There will surely be overlap, but we shouldn't be suspicious of someone because elements of their experience are different from our own. What you call kink may be the process through which an individual discovers their identity. Different from most, sure, but not wrong.

That said, anyone who starts HRT based solely on the advice of strangers on the Internet is undoubtedly misguided. As a general rule, I try to avoid encouraging or discouraging a person to transition unless they know what they want to do already. Most of us aren't therapists, and we can do serious damage to questioning individuals if we're not careful.

[barbie]

There are millions internet sites where people rant and rave everyday. I do not care about all kinds of comments posted in those sites, especially when they take advantage of anonymity. Their opinions tend to be exceptional and extreme, rather than representing the mainstream.

barbie~~

[RaptorChops]

I get a little annoyed at the FTMs on youtube that make videos about their transition, then they decide to get off of T and they dance around why they got off of T OR make the excuse that they don't want to lose hair. THEN they get back on T?? I dunno what doctors would allow it unless, they had some kind of medical issue but I feel it makes the Trans community look like a joke.

Just my opinion not trying to start any arguments :p

[Laura_7]

I get a little annoyed at the FTMs on youtube that make videos about their transition, then they decide to get off of T and they dance around why they got off of T OR make the excuse that they don't want to lose hair. THEN they get back on T?? I dunno what doctors would allow it unless, they had some kind of medical issue but I feel it makes the Trans community look like a joke.

Just my opinion not trying to start any arguments :p

Well I'd say don't get upset... its def not the majority 


hugs

[Dena]

I looked at one other transgender site other than this be the walls around it were so high I couldn't see in so I skipped it. When I ran across this site. it reminded me of the therapy group I was in where the goal was to find a life style you fit into. I admit the options were far fewer in those days but that is still the goal. SRS was the only solution for me but I have understood for a long time it's not right for everybody. When I post with somebody finding themselves, I will provide ideas but they need to take the lead. It has to be what is right for them because they have to live with the decision. Transsexualism isn't a mental issue, it's a birth defect. Granted we do need help sorting everything out but I think the people into kinky may also have issues much transexuals that they need to sort out as well. I often recommend therapy when there is a conflict a person is unable to resolve.

This website is about agenda free as you can get. We get people here just interested in learning about us. Other are like me and want SRS. In between the two there are many people exploring different life styles but one thing we have in common is we don't judge others to be better or worst than us because they want something different in life.

[Beth Andrea]

I've registered and posted on three other TS/TG sites...and have always come back to Susan's.

The other sites seemed to have their own ideas about who is trans and who isn't, and what one should and shouldn't do to transition (and "transitioning" is one of those of course things, no other path is acceptable "if one is truly trans!"

Susan's is very much a "live and let live" place, and everyone gives their $0.02 which presents everyone with a bunch of options, as well as "me too!" experiences.

For me, its the best place to be (as far as online places are concerned).

[Ms Grace]

There are millions internet sites where people rant and rave everyday.

Too true!

[jaynemonroe79]

Glad you brought this up. I have a Facebook page, and I am bombarded with "->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-" men and kinky men and women. A lot of people who send me friend requests have a lot of porn on their pages. They are quickly deleted. I am no prude by any stretch, and I love sex and porn, but both have their places. Right now I am searching my soul, not my private parts. I spent years having sex with women and men in a body I did not feel comfortable with. Sexuality is secondary and even tertiary in my journey to finding myself. I was tired of trying to fix my broken soul with the wrong tools. Having sex with multiple partners was one of the tools I used to fill the emptiness in my soul. I am only interested in using tools that work from here on in.

I hope that made sense.

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