I have been diving deeper into some of my lower vibrational emotions. These emotions would include my inner feeling of sadness and fears.
These are the emotions I like to avoid at all costs. I feel as though they are like the plague when it comes to the emotional palette, but the most important things actually are birthed from sadness...
I remember feeling lost. I remember feeling out of place. I remember identifying with Cinderella and her family consisting of the wicked stepmother and wicked stepsisters. Cinderella was treated very unfairly and one of my greatest analogies for the feeling of being lost, but then becoming found...
I coped with alot of my undiagnosed transgender issues in passive aggressive ways. I was very much like the black sheep of my family. I was always the one getting in trouble while I had cousin's and a brother who got away with everything. I was the bad one. I was the one excluded from everything...
The sadness eventually arose to anger. By the time I was 13 and in therapy because my mother simply didn't know what to do with me. I was totally withdrawn and in my own world at that point.
I eventually realized that the fact that I needed to be the family black sheep and dumped off into therapy, I could get very creative... I was now at that point the "Identified Patient" of my family, so I could basically do alot with that title. If my family was going to black sheep me, I could easily do whatever and say whatever since I clearly had low expectations from them. I had this voice inside me saying "screw them."
When I came to the point several months into therapy of being confronted by my therapist about the "gender issues" my mother was allegedly concerned with, there was this huge Pandora's box opened for me.
I basically rose like a phoenix, and I am turning into the hell raiser for my family it seems. Most of them failed to have an impact when it really mattered, but they will be dealing with that burden, rest assured.
Karma really does exist to me. I am very spiritual, and began soaring as I went through my process of transition starting at 18 as soon as I finished high school.
Most of my extended family/cousin's are now kissing my butt, where's before I was not even of the least bit of concern to them...
My mother had sacrificed alot of her own old preconceived ideas and notions to assist me with my transition. I haven't always been on the best of terms with her, though my grandmother, who died when I was 11 months old has always been with me through this.
I found this out last year through a medium... Anyways, I am just curious how you all have dealt with your feelings of sadness and being lost? When you all didn't know where to turn, how did you keep fighting? What kept guiding you even when you knew you probably had no chance of hope?
