Help me with clarity

[billiexero]

Ok as of late I have ben getting a lot of negative reactions from my family I.e. Mother, husband ect about me being transgender. My mother just doesn't want to accept that she doesn't have a son and she's a bitch end of discussion on that one. She shamed me and made me feel like ->-bleeped-<- my hole life to the point that it took me till I was In my 20s to even start to come to terms with myself! my husband on the other hand (who is trans himself) says that there's a good chance that I'm not trans cuz it's not what HE EXPERIENCED. The problem I'm having with that is one he's ftm there's a big difference there and two ever time he tells me this it makes me question myself and makes me think I'm just doing it for some BS reason that isn't right! He's pissed cuz 5 years ago I said I think I'm transgender not I know I'm a women ( mind you I didn't know what the LGBT was or what the transitioning processes was) I just had a feeling I wasn't in the right skin and it's only increased since. About 2 years ago I was put on anti depressants and it helps clear my head and let me see a lot more about me and who I really want to be, I knew I was a women since then and for the first time I in my life I started getting my body into shape actually runny and going to the gym not for anyone but me. To improve my own well being. I can't live a full time life cuz of my job but I wear what I can, not cuz it give me a sense of exhilaration or sexiness but cuz I feel comfortable in them. More so then I have in any men's clothing. And growing up and till recently watching movies I would sometimes wish I looked like the women in them! I mean if I'm wrong then I need to know so I can stop assassinating myself with the wrong group and misrepresenting them I just want to know if you all think my husbands right and I not trans!

[suzifrommd]

1. No one can tell you whether you are trans or not.

2. Trans is really just a label. What's important is how do you want to live? I.e. do you want to go on HRT, do you want to live as a woman, do you want to cross dress, do you want SRS, etc.? Do those things that are right for you, don't do those things that aren't.

3. A lot of us can't say "I am a woman". I've been living full time as a woman for more than 2 years, and I still can't say I feel like a woman, whatever that means. But I like living this way a whole lot better.

4. Don't listen to those who are not qualified to tell you whether you are trans (which is pretty much everyone but you, and possibly a gender therapist who has heard your whole story). Anyone who thinks they can tell you whether you're trans or not, probably doesn't have a clue.

I hope this helps.

[billiexero]

It does, I'm active duty military so I don't have the privilege to live openly at all. I can't see a therapist or start HRT let alone FFRS. It just sucks cuz I deal with people at work talking ->-bleeped-<- at being dicks and not being able to do anything cuz they don't know. when those who do know say ->-bleeped-<- like this it gets to me, takes my legs out from under me.

I mean i do want FFRS on my jaw it's big and I down like its it masculine as hell. I've come to hate the hair I'm covered in, I tried to be this guy my parents tried to beat me into and embrace it but I can't! I hate it it's itchy, thick dark and causes so many problems. And don't get me started on having to shave more then once a day.

And I know HRT isn't a end all its not the fix to all the problems in the world like my voice and hair ect but I know it will help with some stuff and help move things in the right direction when I can start!

[Paige]

I've come to hate the hair I'm covered in, I tried to be this guy my parents tried to beat me into and embrace it but I can't! I hate it it's itchy, thick dark and causes so many problems. And don't get me started on having to shave more then once a day.

Perhaps for now just take a few tiny steps, shave your body hair and see how you do with that.  You may not be allowed to take estrogen, but maybe you could start with finasteride, just tell the doctor you're worried about losing your hair.  I don't think this should affect your military career. 

Do you think that maybe your husband's protests aren't about you being transgender and are more about him not wanting you to change?

Paige

[billiexero]

my apologies Paige, i should have worded that in a better way. i do shave as often as i can without causing to much irritation (my skin hates razors, my neck get ingrown hair all the time its so bad.) i could try the med one but i dont have much faith in the militarys medical system. they will probably fight me something fierce.

as for the husband thing i know why he keeps doing it. its because as he has told me isnt attracted to women. so if i transition we will have to get a divorce and i dont like that either, but im sorry i dont want to lok back in 40 years and be ->-bleeped-<-ing misserable just because he isnt attracted to women. its ->-bleeped-<- that he keeps pulling that your not trans crap though cuz he should know damned well what kind of effect it can have on people when someone who is still somewhat struggling to keep hold of who they are is told by the way that not what you are. its like getting your legs pulled out from under you. it makes me freak out think am i really doing this because i want to or cuz i thinki i have to or cuz some other reason. it just messes with my head alot. 

[Paige]

my apologies Paige, i should have worded that in a better way. i do shave as often as i can without causing to much irritation (my skin hates razors, my neck get ingrown hair all the time its so bad.) i could try the med one but i dont have much faith in the militarys medical system. they will probably fight me something fierce.

No need to apologize.  I can imagine the military side of this really makes things much more complicated.  There are quite a few ex-military people here, maybe they have some ideas.  Hopefully the military will soon come around to recognizing transgender people are just like everyone else.

as for the husband thing i know why he keeps doing it. its because as he has told me isnt attracted to women. so if i transition we will have to get a divorce and i dont like that either, but im sorry i dont want to lok back in 40 years and be ->-bleeped-<-ing misserable just because he isnt attracted to women. its ->-bleeped-<- that he keeps pulling that your not trans crap though cuz he should know damned well what kind of effect it can have on people when someone who is still somewhat struggling to keep hold of who they are is told by the way that not what you are. its like getting your legs pulled out from under you. it makes me freak out think am i really doing this because i want to or cuz i thinki i have to or cuz some other reason. it just messes with my head alot.

Yes it's amazing he doesn't get it, but people often don't want to hear things that can change their life dramatically.  Since your husband is transgender, would he have a good gender therapist?  The reason I ask is maybe you should ask him to talk to his therapist about your situation.  I would think a good therapist just might correct his limited view of whose transgender.

All the best,
Paige

[Paige]

Hopefully the military will soon come around to recognizing transgender people are just like everyone else.

Looks like this could be soon according to the news today.

Paige

[billiexero]

This is true I really hope they don't drag there feet. This will be a long 6 months, I'm hoping they do take a year to implement training like they did with don't ask don't tell.

And I guess whTs really gets me about the who thing ( going back to the OP ) yeah maybe he knew immediately and maybe some of you did as well but I can only assume that not many were like boom in gunna do this it's what I'm gunna do no one can change my mind. It's a big thing in ones life figuring out who u really are, coming to terms with yourself, accepting yourself, then taking the steps to move forward. It's a lot of important and big pivots. One can not take something like that lightly.

Maybe some know right away, but for some of us it take a lot longer to get thing figured out. 

[Tessa James]

Maybe some know right away, but for some of us it take a lot longer to get thing figured out. 

And that is a major truth around here!  Yes some of us knew very early in life that we were very different.  Really understanding what being transgender is when we didn't have the words or knowledge can take much longer.

Good luck figuring it all out

[billiexero]

It means a lot to know that I'm just not over thinking this. And as he would say because I didn't know I wasn't. It hurt, but this is what my psychotic mother inadvertently trained me to shut out.   

[billiexero]

So I'm already receiving help for depression and anxiety, a lot of which I now believe can be attributed to my gender identity. But the other day I did something really domb without thinking about it and didn't think about it till like 5-10 min later. While traveling at about 45 mph ish I shot wishing 6 inches of the front bumper and rear bumper of two cars that were blocking the road. I didn't slow I didn't do anything I just went saw my path and took it had I been off even a bit if most likely be dead! I think I need help. I'm kind afraid that I'm letting go. That I have given up on actually getting to where I will be happy that my mind just does.

[Tessa James]

So I'm already receiving help for depression and anxiety, a lot of which I now believe can be attributed to my gender identity. But the other day I did something really domb without thinking about it and didn't think about it till like 5-10 min later. While traveling at about 45 mph ish I shot wishing 6 inches of the front bumper and rear bumper of two cars that were blocking the road. I didn't slow I didn't do anything I just went saw my path and took it had I been off even a bit if most likely be dead! I think I need help. I'm kind afraid that I'm letting go. That I have given up on actually getting to where I will be happy that my mind just does.

Close call and maybe a wake up too??  Yes, we can get carelessly preoccupied, distracted and off track.  I hope you will take a few deep breaths and refocus on your own dreams and possibilities.  Hang ON!