Hi from Maine

[KatelynBG]

Hello everyone. I've been a "lurker" off and on here for awhile but things really seem to be coming to a head with my own gender and I thought it would be a good time to join in and be more active.

My story: I've dressed since I was about 8ish. I remember wishing to wake up a girl at 10. My friends used to tease me that I'd go for any girl in a skirt but no one knows that I was secretly watching the girls in skirts out of jealousy. I learned early on from my brother's attitude to hide any semblance of femininity, I tended to overcompensate, becoming a 3 sport HS athlete and a 2 sport college athlete. I've always dated girls but have also been attracted to certain men. I married a lovely woman and we have a child and another on the way. I gave up dressing for years but the fantasy was always there. When we bought our house I found a perfect hiding spot for a stash of clothes and started up again.

My wife discovered my stash in February and I nearly lost her. She said some very hurtful and ignorant things to me and I had to promise to never do it again in order to keep her. Over that time (since December) I've been losing weight in a healthy way and have lost 80 lbs. This has presented a new problem, as I lose weight I seem to be experiencing increased dysphoria. My gender thoughts dominate mind and I look at feminine women around me with complete jealousy. I know I can't keep my promise not to ever dress again, but I'm hoping to hold out long enough to establish a relationship with my unborn child. If she leaves me, I'm going to come out and transition, 100%.

I won't be an active poster here but I'm looking forward to using this outlet for my thoughts and the thoughts of others like me.

[Mariah]

Hi Katelyn, welcome to Susan's. It's very common for gender Dysphoria to come roaring back like that. A gender therapist would be great to help you work through things at this point. I hope you get the chance to get to know your unborn child. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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[gennee]

Hi Katelyn and welcome to Susan's.

[V M]

Hi Katelyn 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[katrinaw]

A big warm welcome to Susan's Katelyn

I had that problem, well most of my life, watching girls and so wishing I was one of them too... So tick  Would suck if they caught you, thinking you were just an ogle'r... but I always found it easier to befriend women, girls etc.. than guys! personally never had much in common with guys and guy talk...

Certainly Dysphoria, however triggered, does become stronger as you "stretch out" the natural you, for me I purposely shed lots of weight to help me in transition (not knowing how long it would take)... I found HRT regime settled me down... at least enough to ensure I can transition with the surety of having provided for my loved ones...

Regardless of how and how... or even when you reconsider your journey, you are welcome here and look forward to seeing you about the forums.

Take care, best wishes..

L Katy