Oblivious cis people

[samtheant]

I've always tried my best to be a "proper woman" (although I'm not very good at it!)

Recently the feelings have been getting harder to deal with and harder to ignore, and I've found some relief in basically going full time wearing male clothes, and I've also stopped censoring my mannerisms and speech so much.

I'm starting to get called "sir" a couple of times a week as well as getting asked for ID when I buy age restricted products like alcohol (I think some people are beginning to assume I'm a teenage boy but I'm actually 35)

I've also changed my name on Facebook to my initials to make it more gender neutral and given myself gender neutral pronouns on there. I'm not able to come out as a guy (maybe I won't ever be, I don't know) but I'm not going to misgender myself anymore.

Literally nobody has noticed! I've spent all these years worrying about whether I'm doing the girl thing right, and whether I'm behaving acceptably, and now I've stopped doing that so much, it seems I needn't have worried so much! I'm quite astonished. Nobody has said a thing - maybe they think I'm suddenly REALLY into being a lesbian or something?! LOL.

I keep waiting for someone to say "got ya! I know what you are!" and nobody has, which is wonderful. It's giving me the space I need to work this stuff out without piling on pressure.

Of course it will also mean that if and when I do come out, I'm going to have to spell it out to everyone as hinting just won't work.

Has anybody else been surrounded by completely oblivious cis friends and family? I'm wondering if it's because I'm FTM and married to a woman so maybe that lends me some licence to be gender non-conforming?

[Ms Grace]

Literally nobody has noticed! I've spent all these years worrying about whether I'm doing the girl thing right, and whether I'm behaving acceptably, and now I've stopped doing that so much, it seems I needn't have worried so much! I'm quite astonished. Nobody has said a thing - maybe they think I'm suddenly REALLY into being a lesbian or something?! LOL.

Most people are too caught up in their own stuff to notice overly much about anybody else. And you're right, most people don't assume someone is trans, they will usually assume gay/lesbian first instead.

[Mariah]

As Grace mentioned most people will never notice. It's always those people who think they have some way of determining who is or isn't trans no matter how inaccurate they sometimes are that try to figure something like that out. Congrats, It's an amazing feeling having people accept you as you authentic gender. Hugs
Mariah

[suzifrommd]

Has anybody else been surrounded by completely oblivious cis friends and family? I'm wondering if it's because I'm FTM and married to a woman so maybe that lends me some licence to be gender non-conforming?

People don't like to comment on things that might be a little bit heavy. When I grew my nails and hair long, no one said a thing. They all noticed, but didn't want to get into a heavy conversation about something that would make us both uncomfortable.

And you were already out as a lesbian. So many lesbians adopt a male presentation that people are almost more likely to comment on someone who doesn't, right?

[JoanneB]

Time and time again the members of my support group have said that people mostly just plain don't notice anything. For the MTF members anything short of wearing a skirt it seems. So there is that factor. The much larger one IMHO, is that it is known you are are married to a woman and given the way you do present it is pretty obvious you are "The Guy" in the relationship. What if anything people notice will be passed off as no big deal and totally expected

[RaptorChops]

Newer people at my Job are oblivious to it and they call me he,him and sir. When people I have known for a long time decide to screw up my pronouns in front of the newer people their face gets kind of crooked and confused. I just walk away and laugh that's all you can do in that situation. I'm not the type that gets defensive because I know people are trying you know? When they constantly do it though that's when it bothers me a lot.