Help?

[futureboy645]

Hey guys, I'm Naomi!

Well, what I really wanted to ask is if I should feel bad for not wanting SRS. I mean, I feel like most people advise it and want it, but does it make me any less of a woman if I don't? I don't feel comfortable with it, and there are risks and expenses I don't want to deal with. But am I wrong to think that?

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[Laura_7]

Gender identity, gender expression, sexual orientation etc. are different things.

You could have a look at the genderbread person:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,185369.msg1650025.html#msg1650025

Well its up to you how you identify, and there is a transgender spectrum. Its up to you if you want srs or whatever.

You might get a bit more aquainted with what srs means... its possible you get used to the thought, there are descriptions of people who have done it...

here was a similar thread:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194526.msg1733327.html#msg1733327


hugs

[Hannahh]

Hi Naomi,

In my opinion, the wrong way is to be uncomfortable. You just have to choose what it makes you confortable and happy. not less, not more.
Take care of yourself.
Hannah

[Rejennyrated]

Yes I agree with the previous poster.

However I would say that the risks you talk about are genuinely much smaller than you imagine. If we went by outcome statistics we would concude that it is genuinely more risky to cross the road than to undrgo SRS. (And presumably you cross the road every day without a thought.)

There are also considerable life complications and risks to remaining with incongruent bits so while I would never tell you that your choice is "wrong" I would suggest that as you have explained it thus far, you seem to be magnifying the risk of proceeding and ignoring other risks of not proceeding.

The cost is another arguement altogether and that sadly is a real obstacle for many.

So I agree you should not let fear rule you - work out what will make you happy and then make a POSITIVE choice - in otherwords choose to do something or not based on what you WANT rather than what you fear, because fears are almost always irrational and false.

[KristinaM]

Your sexual organs do not make you a man or a woman where it counts, in your mind, your core, your soul, etc...

If you take hormones though, your bits will shrink considerably over time so that it is easier to hide if that's a concern.

Not wanting SRS does not make you any less of a woman than someone who does want it and goes through with it.  I want it just because I always have.  I haven't ever, well maybe a couple times, hated my penis, but I have always wanted to have a vagina instead.  That's just me though.

Do what makes you happy and comfortable.  Don't let anybody pressure you into doing or even thinking otherwise!

[futureboy645]

Yes I agree with the previous poster.

However I would say that the risks you talk about are genuinely much smaller than you imagine. If we went by outcome statistics we would concude that it is genuinely more risky to cross the road than to undrgo SRS. (And presumably you cross the road every day without a thought.)

There are also considerable life complications and risks to remaining with incongruent bits so while I would never tell you that your choice is "wrong" I would suggest that as you have explained it thus far, you seem to be magnifying the risk of proceeding and ignoring other risks of not proceeding.

The cost is another arguement altogether and that sadly is a real obstacle for many.

So I agree you should not let fear rule you - work out what will make you happy and then make a POSITIVE choice - in otherwords choose to do something or not based on what you WANT rather than what you fear, because fears are almost always irrational and false.

What exactly are the risks of not proceeding?

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[Dena]

You will find me mostly posting on threads where people are dealing with transsexualism and that's because it's something I know really well but I don't think the SRS is right for everybody. I believe in doing as little as possible medically to make yourself happy in life. If somebody wants to make no changes in their life but only wishes to talk with us, that's fine. If somebody wants to make a few changes in their life, that's fine as well. I don't think any less of them because they made a different decision in life than I did because I don't know what is right for them.

My post in introductions to you was open-ended. There were options that you could say yes or no to because you didn't tell me enough about your feelings. Had I known more about you, my post would have been different. Now you know what your are, there is a place for you here for as long as you wish to stay. The people here range from CIS to Transsexual and everything in between so you will fit right in. There are many people here who have opted not to have SRS but live in the female role. They are pretty open about their life style and you should have no trouble finding them. They are also very friendly and you will find your self posting with them soon.

Do what make you happy and listen to your heart and not to others.

[Rachel]

To answer your question, no you should not feel bad for not wanting SRS.

[Laura_7]

What exactly are the risks of not proceeding?

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Well its possible she means the need to take permanently anti androgens...

[futureboy645]

Well its possible she means the need to take permanently anti androgens...

So confused.

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[Laura_7]

So confused.

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Ok.

So it might be more advantageous to be predominantly under one hormone either estrogen or testo.

If you are mtf usually you take estrogen and an anti androgen ( There is one form of hrt with implants or injections where the estrogen levels are driven well into the female range which also lowers testosterone).

Well the need for anti androgen or higher estrogen doses comes from the gonads. So if they would not be there any more, either by ways of an srs or an orchi (you can read more about an orchi for about 1K CDN here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,193238.msg1722909.html#msg1722909 ) there would not be the need for anti androgens, which might have some side effects.

Unconfused  ?

hugs

[Dena]

So confused.

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What she is saying is that the likelihood of death as the result of surgery are far less that death from other causes. There is a small risk of death as the result of surgery but you need to weigh it against the great improvement that you might see as the result of surgery.

In my case, I have a great fear of anything medical and surgery is at the top of the list. For me, when the time for my decision came, I knew there was no other option for true happiness in my life other than to undergo surgery and the risk of surgery was worth what I would gain.

I could have lived without surgery but remained in the female role had surgery not be available but for me I would have felt incomplete. That is not true of everybody and people on the board for a number of reason live in the new role without SRS and are happy. The decision is yours and not our.

[futureboy645]

Ok.

So it might be more advantageous to be predominantly under one hormone either estrogen or testo.

If you are mtf usually you take estrogen and an anti androgen ( There is one form of hrt with implants or injections where the estrogen levels are driven well into the female range which also lowers testosterone).

Well the need for anti androgen or higher estrogen doses comes from the gonads. So if they would not be there any more, either by ways of an srs or an orchi (you can read more about an orchi for about 1K CDN here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,193238.msg1722909.html#msg1722909 ) there would not be the need for anti androgens, which might have some side effects.

Unconfused  ?

hugs

Yes! Thank you!

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[Rejennyrated]

Well its possible she means the need to take permanently anti androgens...

yes exactly - they arent very good for you longterm so that, and the fact that while as others have said there are plenty who genuinely dont want surgery that has to be a POSITIVE choice and not something you do because you are running away from fear - if you do it from fear and I know one or two who have, you end up frustrated, repressed, possibly self harming because you dont respect yourself, and of course you confine your sexual life to people who like people who are for want of a better word physically incongruent - now that last part (sexual) may be what you want in which case I would be the first to encourage you if you are going to be happy. However in your first post it sounded as if you actually do want SRS but are just scared of it - and so my response was to that.

I think it is perfectly valid to choose not to have it - but I think you have to be sure that you choose not to have it rather than secretly wishing you could but chickening out because of imaginary fears.

Do you see what I am getting at? I'm not arguing for or against the actual surgery - I'm probing whether or not this is a POSITIVE choice or a negative failure because of fear... if it's the former then great - if the latter then please think further.

[futureboy645]

yes exactly - they arent very good for you longterm so that, and the fact that while as others have said there are plenty who genuinely dont want surgery that has to be a POSITIVE choice and not something you do because you are running away from fear - if you do it from fear and I know one or two who have, you end up frustrated, repressed, possibly self harming because you dont respect yourself, and of course you confine your sexual life to people who like people who are for want of a better word physically incongruent - now that last part (sexual) may be what you want in which case I would be the first to encourage you if you are going to be happy. However in your first post it sounded as if you actually do want SRS but are just scared of it - and so my response was to that.

I think it is perfectly valid to choose not to have it - but I think you have to be sure that you choose not to have it rather than secretly wishing you could but chickening out because of imaginary fears.

Do you see what I am getting at? I'm not arguing for or against the actual surgery - I'm probing whether or not this is a POSITIVE choice or a negative failure because of fear... if it's the former then great - if the latter then please think further.

I'm not afraid, really, I just don't want SRS. I'm afraid of how people will think of me, mainly.

I read up on getting an orchiectomy, and that sounds like a good plan. I'm mainly attracted to women, and didn't really have anything against my genitals, so I wanted to keep it. However, I'm willing to get the orchiectomy so that the hormones and such can work properly without any side effects from AA.

It seems like a better choice based on how I want to live, and it would make me very happy if I kept my genitalia. Don't worry, I'm not terrified of SRS, it just isn't for me.

I think an orchiectomy and the hormones, along with any hair removal and possible facial surgery, should do me well in my mission. ^^

On a separate note, do hormones help with hair growth? I have very curly hair right now, and I was wondering if those curls would extend and grow in length accordingly, or if that's just something they'd do anyway. Like, my mom's hair is very long, curly, and I suppose has a lot of volume. Would hormones aid that kind of growth?

Hugs

-Naomi

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[Rachel]

I have very curly hair and the curls are through the entire hair and the hair is just about at my shoulders. I have had girls stop me at work and complement me. Also, one EVP commented twice and ran her fingers through it in an elevator lobby.

It takes a long time for curly hair to grow in length. Hair grows about 6 inches a year but it tales 2 years to get 6 inches of length due to the curl.

[KristinaM]

I have super curly hair too, but it grows closer to about an inch a month.  It curls up to about 1/4 is actual length or less.  So to get ~6 more inches of length I'm looking at like 2 years!  I'll probably break down and get some extensions or straightener.  I really want awesome hair for Halloween this year!   Oh!  And I discovered today that my hair looks totally cute and feminine with a hairband!   

Sorry if I derailed the thread there.  >_<