What a fight

[sparrow]

That's a beautifully written letter, Petti.  I'm going to crib some of that when I come out to my mom. 

[Tessa James]

Yes, an outstanding letter, +1, with research, explanations and appeals for understanding.  I hope your family appreciates your intelligence and efforts to just be yourself.

it is up to you to decide if fighting them is worth the sense of conflict when your energy might be better utilized to become independent of external controls and their ignorance??   I don't know what other challenges you face but that sounds like a terribly hostile environment?  You are a smart person and alternatives are out there.

[ainsley]

I agree with Tessa... that sounds like a terribly hostile environment...You are a smart person and alternatives are out there. 

My daughter and I love to fish.  One adage we have found to be true is that fishing success is all about location, location, location.  If the fishing in one spot is not making you happy, then move.  I feel like your happiness may be about location. 

And I have parents in their 70's that are like your father and faith in god is all you need according to them.  I stopped trying to use logic with them and adapted one of their favorite adages:  "Do not cast your pearls among swine".  I no longer try to educate them and that frustration has left me.

[KristinaM]

"...Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."  -John 8:7 (paraphrased)

[HoneyStrums]

What religion is your FATHER? if you dont mind me asking.

Id like to research that religion. If found the best way to educate members of a religion is to use ther very religion.

What i mean is, i wish for a chance to look for trans supporting texts, and passages that suggest your fathers behaviour isnt in line with his reigion.

This is not so I can say your father is being mean, but so I have a chance at finding a way you could aproah your father with the possibility that he maybe misinterpretting or overlooking a vital ellement of his religion.

This is because religios people are more open to the idea that they are wrong, then to the idea that their faith and/or religion is wrong.

In other words I want to see if in your fathers religion ther is evidence to sugest that comforting you and accepting you if not assisting you is not condembed by his faith.

further more, i am sorry about you father being the way he is.

also...

What you have written is very emotional...
blathering moron talk show host like those parasites on TMZ
well its understandable but this way people might shut down...

This is very true.
When we as people hear phrases like this, it makes us now want to listen anymore, or we focus more on how we felt when we hear words and/or phrases like this, and we somtimes hear the other person out just to respond to these kind of remarks. And this can do a great deal to take focus away what is realy important.

From what I've read of your words and your fathers responces this is a never ending battle.

Because its comming across as, dad stop being religius, no child you stop being transgender.

Your dad is a religius person, and his religion is very much a part of him, in the same way, being transgender is a part or you. He cant stop being religius anymore then you can sop being transgender.

It might be an idea, to look at Mathew, 19: 12. (if your dad is christian, and hopeing their bible has not been changed to suit the will of man for men, that is a rewording to "choosing not to marry")

This is just one of the things i spoke to my dad about.

[Petti]

Hey you all, thanks a ton for the replies.

My dad is Christian, a Baptist. Yes, some language in that letter was quite strong, but that's just how we communicate sometimes. To put it bluntly my father is a 1970s Wash DC street thug that survived and made a good life for himself. Sometimes I have to "talk street" to him.  When we argue I am free to say things like (and I recently told him this about his beliefs) "Your beliefs are so stupid I literally don't believe you" ... he just laughs and says "That's just what I believe." But those things I mentioned in the OP, he really believes it. It's like he's a real life troll. I told him to go troll the internet and he could have people breaking keyboards lol.

I love my dad, I do. When I came out with all this trans stuff he told me he loves me anyway and when I asked how would he feel when others laugh at him after seeing his "son" in a dress he said "f**k 'em, I don't care what they think" but when getting down to nitty-gritty beliefs and him thinking I can actually pray being trans away I just stand back in awe of the stupidity. So on one hand he supports me, but on another hurts me when he just trivializes my condition thinking if I friggin' pray it'll all go away, or that I am just a really gay man and that most gays would get SRS if they could. To put it clearly he thinks I am joking and that this is all a game, and that I and other trans folk are an "abomination" and that HURTS. He thinks transition is useless and a "fool's errand" and he continues to refer to people like Jenner as "he" and tells me how no matter what I'll be his son.


+_+_+_+_+_+

Just a little something that I thought about.  Just for the sake of convo let's say what science we do have on the genetic component of transsexualism is wrong. Let's just say, again for the sake of conversation, we are ALL guys who just upped and decided we wanted to be girls. What the heck is the crime in that? Even then why would we be deserving of such hate to the point where "it" is a slur for us, one that unlike so many other slurs takes away our very humanity? "I said I wanted to be a woman, not a baby eating cannibal who wants to start a tannery run by child labor that uses the skin of teenage virgins to make erotic wear." My, my - hyperbole can be fun sometimes... but yeah, point stands

[stephaniec]

So, I don't mean to be nosey , but why do you stay in that environment . I know everyone has a unique life and do things for all sorts of reasons. I left home when I was eighteen. My father was a good father and when he became ill I came back and took care of him until he passed, Just curious why put up with the abuse. If my father treated me with the disrespect that yours does I would of stayed in New Mexico where I was living at the time,

[Petti]

You're not being nosy, Stephanie. Because as it stands it's as if I have to. I wish I could leave, but it's very hard for me due to psych problems. I have worked over 30 jobs in my life... almost 1 job for every year I have been alive. At work I'll panic, cry, just not go because leaving the house was hard. See I mentioned the USMC in that letter to my father? When I was at Parris Island it was just a bunch of crying about how I made a mistake and just wanted to go home and how they were "stupid men." May have been blessing in disguise because this was in 2000 and I surely would have went to Iraq seeing as how I aced ASVAB but still wanted to be infantry (so tryhard) with 9/11 about a year off. Yeah, I am about as fit for combat as Sponge Bob Squarepants.

And if that's not enough I had a girlfriend a while back and we though it would be awesome to try and be criminals. Yup, failed at that as well and we both ended up with felony convictions for theft, which, might I add, is considered a crime of "moral turpitude" and not looked highly upon by anyone, especially employers. As the old saying goes "no one likes a thief."

Girl, I wanna work soooooo bad, I would love nothing but a job that afforded me even a basic place to live, but I stand back and see that that is a possibility equal to me diffusing into pure energy, traveling through these wires to your location and conjuring a ton of  gold for you since you're always so nice in my threads.

This is all is so embarrassing and I only admit it due to the relative anonymity of the internet.

[stephaniec]

Well, you definitely have a pickle of a situation

[Petti]

Well, you definitely have a pickle of a situation

I'll make it... hopefully 

[Tessa James]

Thank you for helping us understand more depth about your dad and your situation.  We have all had plenty of opportunities to fail and get back up with a new lesson learned.