I was somewhat reluctant to do this, but for funsies I will copypaste the letter I wrote to him. Sorry, I had to edit out some very personal/embarrassing stuff and just copypasting from word failed to get the footnotes, but you get the gist:
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LETTER BEGINS
ON the Condition I Face:
PERHAPS THIS will take a bit of time to read, but I ask that you take about 20 or 30 minutes out your day to get a better understanding of this condition I face. It is a very real and serious condition and the Bible is about as equipped to deal with it as it is germ theory (in other words, not at all). And below I will prove it with sound science. Please, humbly I ask, never laugh at me for this stuff or accuse me of putting on an act or of "wanting to be a woman." I am not joking, the Bible and some blathering moron talk show host like those parasites on TMZ know next to nothing of this and anyone supporting their thoughts on my condition based on faith/2,000 year old allegory and tabloid TV is straight up dangerous. Please share this with [sister], but I ask that after you two read this, like any other thing I write, you destroy it in the shredder. Show this to no one, please destroy.
The condition I suffer from, that is being a transsexual, is not the result of some conscious decision or the result of external factors like being sexually abused or bullied as a child. At about 1% of the total human population, my transsexual lot clearly represents only a tiny fraction of the souls on this planet and as such we are understandably misunderstood. Adding to that, in the West, among other places, gender norms are fiercely and rigidly defended and enforced, so a general ignorance of the tiny 1% transsexual population coupled with what many if not most people believe and think they know about gender results in ideas that are often so wrong and so obtuse they literally hurt. This is undoubtedly one reason why our suicide rate is staggeringly high.
It seems to me some of the science out there that addresses issues related to transsexuals is in the embryonic stages, but much of what I have learned points to a genetic component leading to transsexualism. Please read the following study:
Transsexuals have the strong feeling, often from childhood onwards, of having been born the wrong sex. The possible psycho-genie or biological aetiology of transsexuality has been the subject of debate for many years. Here we show that the volume of the central subdivision of the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BSTc), a brain area that is essential for sexual behaviour is larger in men than in women. A female-sized BSTc was found in male-to-female transsexuals (which is what I am). The size of the BSTc was not influenced by sex hormones in adulthood and was independent of sexual orientation. Our study is the first to show a female brain structure in genetically male transsexuals and supports the hypothesis that gender identity develops as a result of an interaction between the developing brain and sex hormones.
Here are the words of yet another study:
From an early age, people develop an inner sense of being male or female. Transsexuals however, identify with a physical sex opposite to their biological sex. Such individuals might seek to alleviate their distress by altering their bodies through hormone therapy and sex reassignment surgery. The prevalence of transsexualism ranges from 1:2,900 to 1:100,000; and little is known about the etiology of this condition. Some theories have suggested that psychosocial factors - including dysfunctional family dynamics and traumatic childhood experiences - lead to the development of a transsexual identity.
Increasingly, biomedical research is implicating biological factors. Co-occurrence among twin pairs, father-son pairs, and brother-sister pairs raises the question of whether gender dysphoria is heritable. Anatomical studies show that certain brain structures in male-to-female transsexuals are more "female-like" in volume and neuronal density. Furthermore, the response to the odor of male and female steroids in male-to-female transsexuals was more similar to that of control women than control men. Other studies suggest that sex steroids influence gender identity. Female-to-male transsexuality has been associated with polycystic ovary syndrome and hyperandrogenemia. Moreover, female subjects with the disorder of sex development called congenital adrenal hyperplasia are exposed to high levels of androgens prenatally and seem to be at much higher risk of gender identity disorder than the general population. A significant association was identified between female-to-male transsexualism and the CYP17 gene (which encodes 17α-hydroxylase, the enzyme deficient in some virilized congenital adrenal hyperplasia patients). Aromatase (CYP19), the enzyme that converts testosterone to estrogen, has also been implicated in female gender identity. A 46, XX woman with congenital adrenal hyperplasia carried a null CYP19 mutation, was born with phallic enlargement, a uterus, and ovaries, and exhibited a persistent male gender identity and male gender role behavior.
There are few genetic association studies of male-to-female transsexualism. A study of 29 Swedish male-to-female transsexuals identified a significant association with a dinucleotide CA polymorphism in the estrogen receptor β (ERβ) gene (p = .03). It has been suggested that ERβ has a defeminization role in male brain and behavior, on the basis of knockout mouse studies. Altogether, genetic studies on transsexuals suggest that both androgen and estrogen might play a role in gender identity.
We sought to investigate whether sex steroidogenesis genes are associated with male-to-female transsexualism in the largest cohort collected to date. We analyzed the variable polymorphism lengths of three genes—androgen receptor (AR), ERβ, and CYP19—in Caucasian transsexuals and compared these with non-transsexual male control subjects.
Their results:
A significant association was identified between transsexualism and the AR allele, with transsexuals having longer AR repeat lengths than non-transsexual male control subjects (p = .04). No associations for transsexualism were evident in repeat lengths for CYP19 or ERβ genes. Individuals were then classified as short or long for each gene polymorphism on the basis of control median polymorphism lengths in order to further elucidate possible combined effects. No interaction associations between the three genes and transsexualism were identified.
Their conclusion:
This study provides evidence that male gender identity might be partly mediated through the androgen receptor. Here is a link to it all
Okay that's the studies, this is me writing again. Now what all this means is pretty much I have no control over being trans, and TRUST ME if I had control over it I would not be trans as I wouldn't wish this on anyone. You know how much I fear surgery, etc. Do you actually think I want to have to get a major surgery, eternally dilate (use a dildo) on my so-called neo-vagina and pop hormones my entire life? No, I don't, but it sure beats this alternative which is misery so deep and dark I cannot even begin to put it in words. Please know I am not twirling around longing to fulfill some fantasy of "being a woman." I am a woman, I am one who cannot express herself as such and it's destroying my life. Now one of two things could happen here – we can find someone who knows how to rewire the human brain and give me the "heart, soul and spirit" of a man, or we can find someone who knows how to bring my body in line with my rather feminine mind. I assure you as it stands the latter is much easier to accomplish with hormones.
You seem to believe I am like this because of the abuse in [our old house], but the complete opposite is true. I didn't become trans because I was abused, I was abused because I was trans. Those dudes ate my ass alive, bro. Not so easy for them to get a regular girl, so I was the next best thing. I was called bitch, girl, ho, laughed at and teased more times than I even dare to count. I failed at football, karate, the USMC, because I was trying too hard to be something I wasn't and I just couldn't keep up. You will NEVER truly learn about my condition from sexist, racist TMZ and quips about Caitlyn Jenner or Leverne Cox. You will never learn about my condition from your experience in the streets with the "Drag Queens" everyone there laughed at and hated (and probably secretly admired). Transsexualism is very, very deep and complex indeed.
You told me the other night I was "Full of it." You told me other times I was "Putting on an act"! I AM NOT JOKING!!! This is not game, this is not fun time, I am suffering from very real problems and I do not know how much longer I can continue in this state. I cannot rewire receptors or whatever in my brain, Dad. I was born trans, I will live trans, I will die trans. That's how your god made me. It's the hand I was dealt and it hurts to have some religion spread hate and intolerance about people like me. And when I do die, if I die before you of course, as I have done with [sister] you have it here in writing: I would much rather not have any reference to God, Jesus or the Bible to be written on my obituary or mentioned at my funeral or whatever fanfare is in store to celebrate my past "life." Why? The reason is because that religion, along with Islam and other such offenders, spreads intolerance and disdain for people like me merely because of our gender and/or sexuality. Right now transwomen suffer so much, and much of the thought that leads to that suffering is grounded in religion. I have demonstrated how I have no control over my transsexualism and the fact I am "condemned" for it is LAUGHABLE and sad at the same time. I cannot learn of these high assault, murder and suicide numbers of women like me, these crimes brought on by intolerance, and submit myself to a religion that has a lot to with the promulgation of those very beliefs. Even if the people who assault and kill us are not Christian, this society was formed in a matrix of Christianity, the child of Christendom, it is --- it's ALL history and I can so easily link it all together and have done so many times with professors being unable to strike red marks through my airtight writing.
Almost done here, but you and others believe that transwomen (and men) is something that is relatively new. Nope. It's older than recorded history itself. Please read:
Archaeologists have discovered a 5,000-year-old skeleton which they believe may be the remains of a transgender person.
The male skeleton was found in a suburb of Prague and is buried in a manner previously only seen for female burials. The body is believed to date from between 2900 and 2500BC and is from the Corded Ware culture of the Copper Age. Men's bodies from that age and culture are usually found buried with their heads towards the west and with weapons. But this skeleton was found with its head towards the east and was surrounded by domestic jugs – as women's bodies from the time are usually found.
At a press conference in Prague yesterday, archaeologists theorised that the person may have been transgender or 'third sex'. Kamila Remišová, the head of the research team, said: "From history and ethnology, we know that when a culture had strict burial rules they never made mistakes with these sort of things."
Archaeologist Kateřina Semrádová told Czech Position: "We believe this is one of the earliest cases of what could be described as a 'transsexual' or 'third gender grave' in the Czech Republic." This is not the first time a skeleton has been found buried as a member of the opposite sex. One woman from the Mesolithic period, who was assumed to be a warrior, was found buried with weapons.
Now you know history is my thing, and I assure you I can link more and more. From East Indians, to West Africans, to Native Americans, to Ancient Romans, in the annals of human history from all over the world there have been trans and gender non-conforming people. Shame, even in some of those societies people like us were actually revered yet here I am in 2015 in some supposedly enlightened, civilized society writing what seems like a term paper to my own father and sister so I can be fully accepted and understood. How did we get to this?
So there, I have absolutely no control over being trans, I can go on as I have been doing for the past 30 odd years a clumsy "man" and continue to suffer and screw up as I have been doing since literally my first day of school or I can finally shed this thin little shell and be the woman I always was and live my life with some sense of dignity, finish school, get a job and LIVE. But it's hard. Society hates us, we are freaks and weirdos. They hate us so much some insurance companies would rather pay $1,000 a month for anti-psychotics than a mere fraction of that for hormones which for many stand to improve our lives more while helping to make us productive citizens. Just like you said the other night "Well they just don't cover it" and it seems they may, but I ain't holding my breath. See why I am so hopeless. I know what will fix me, I am crying for help, but because transwomen are so hated and misunderstood many of us get none!
LETTER ENDS
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The answer to all that was god can deliver me. Tell me, girls, have you ever wanted to rip your hair out by the roots? I know I do!
