Finally figuring things out!

[MeganeRei]

Hey everyone, I'm Mel. I'm 18, and DFAB.

I'm FtM and only just really am beginning to wrap my mind around that. I've been lurking here for a little while and I think you all seem like a pretty fantastic community so I hope to talk to you all!
It's really freaking late and I need sleep, so I'm not going to make my story super long, I'll just briefly say how I was one of those girls*gah I hate saying girl* who grew up pretty much wanting to be a boy. Or with several career thoughts, said: If I was a boy, I'd REALLY want to do this'' Acting, for instance. I LOVE acting, and dressing up in cosplay and I've always loved to play pretend and be different, always male, characters.

I've never been in any sense of the word girly or feminine, and for the last year or so have been identifying as Gender Neutral or Gender Fluid, but it was maybe a week or more ago after some REALLY bad dysphoria(which I experience fairly often to varying degrees of intensity) and lots of googling that I came to the conclusion, yeah, I'm probably a transguy.

I've told two of my other trans friends, a close friend, and my best friend so far. I'm not telling my immediate family yet, but if they guess, well I won't say no. Not that my mom really knows what trans is, but I've been dropping hints more or less/making it obvious through the shows I've been watching, crocheting a transgender colour themed hat, dressing exclusively male(which they are used to...),
but I don't plan on coming out to my family until after I get a therapist, which I'm hoping will be soon, assuming dad won't drag his feet.
I wouldn't be able to explain this on my own, I'm afraid. Or they wouldn't take me seriously.

Annnyway, I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now, getting things worked when I am

If this all seems disjointed, I apologise... it's late!

[Ms Grace]

Hey Mel!

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

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Cheers

Grace

[MeganeRei]

Thanks for the welcome and the links! Those can be hard to find sometimes when they're needed, so I appreciate that.

Looks like I'll be able to call a therapist who specialises in gender identity/transgender issues, which is making me really anxious about making that phone call! Anxiety's the reason I was recommended therapy /anyway/ just so happens that since I'm picking my own therapist, I get to choose one for my bigger issue, which is my coming to terms with being trans.

I'm mostly nervous about having to tell my family, but unless no one has been paying attention, the signs are all there, I'd say. I'm not being very secretive. When mom was making sure I'd know like what my main reason for going to therapy is so I'd know what to talk about on the phone, I told her that on top of the anxiety there are other things I can talk about and she agreed pretty quickly so maybe she suspects something. I hope so. that'd make things easier.

Gaaah I'm nervous though! I've read countless threads on here in the last few days which has only assured me but also been confusing.
The road ahead of me looks interesting.

[Mariah]

Hi Mel, welcome to Susan's. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[katrinaw]

Big warm welcome to Susan's Mel..

Thanks for the kind words xx

It seems you may be in a good place, I am glad you think your parents will be accepting albeit maybe without full understanding, wish you well on that side.

Nah, was not a disjointed post...

Look forward to seeing you about the forum's

L Katy 

[V M]

Hi Mel 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[MeganeRei]

Thanks! I'm looking forward to getting more involved, but it does take me a little bit to figure out exactly what to say/where to give input and whatnot. New communities =) But this seems to be the best trans community I've found online so far.