yes, anxiety pre-t is definitely normal.
before i started testosterone, my anxiety was out of control and i was actually homebound for 1.5 years. i felt like it was the end for me and there was no solution to my problems. once i came out (i really didn't have that much support, it's getting better, though) i felt like a massive weight was lifted off of my shoulders. my therapist urged me to make an appointment with an endocrinologist for nearly two years. and i finally did.
i remember being anxious beyond belief, this small voice on the phone to schedule an appointment. two weeks later i was in the car on my way there, and it was my first long trip in so long. i remember that my blood pressure was high and i just wanted to go home, but i had to push through because i desperately needed to start my medical transition. the endocrinologist (dr. christofides) asked me about my life, to get a better understanding of why i wanted to start testosterone. after expressing my fears and anxiety with transitioning, she chose to start me on gel; that may be something you'd consider as well. i was on testim for three months until i went back for my next appointment, where she determined i was ready for injections...but i was scared to death. i heard how much they hurt and burned, so naturally i was afraid...but that wasn't the case. the shots are honestly a breeze— and i do IM. i still have my mom doing my shot for me because i cannot muster up the courage to do it myself yet. lets say i'm getting my left (butt) cheek injected today. i'd put all of my weight on my right side and take a deep breath. she pinches the skin together, sticks the needle in, and draws back to make sure there's no blood. the shot is over in under 20s. the only reason i've had a shot 'burn' before is because she didn't let the alcohol dry before injecting, or she wiped the site with it after. as long as you're relaxed, everything will be fine.
as for the changes, i do not regret a thing. finally matching up with the voice i've thought i had is really nice. i was never misgendered (in person) after i started binding, so getting 'sir' on the phone has been exhilarating to say the least. i do have days where i still hate myself, especially after month 3 of being on testosterone. once the placebo effect wears off and you realize it's not as exciting as it seems, i realized i had put on a lot of weight and my self-worth was low. but once again, i picked myself up and i've been working on changing my weight. (note: everyone gains weight on t, whether it is visible or not. i gained around 30ish pounds, mainly because i didn't watch my appetite and ate way too much, so be wary!)
i am now 9 months on t. on the 27th, i will be 10 months on t....and i'm having top surgery on the same day, which is also my birthday. everything aligned for me (every date included a 27) and i feel like i'm starting to feel at peace with myself. it is a crazy journey with mood swings, bouts of aggression, an increased sex drive, an appetite to feed an army, and at times increased depression/anxiety (primarily dysphoria for me; everything is changed, why do i still have these man tumors!?) but everything is worth it. i do not regret it at all. starting my transition saved me.
if you weren't nervous to take this step, i'm pretty sure you wouldn't be considered normal. when your day comes, excitement will weigh out fear. it is worth it, trust me.
