Hey everyone
Yep, I know what you mean! Been there, done that!
The whole dream story used to really freak me out. Having completed my transition 2 years ago and living in my preferred gender ever since, I can say it does get better! I spent lots of time thinking about it and trying to figure out what was going on, what it meant. Did it mean I was lying to myself and had convinced myself this was the right thing? Did it somehow reflect my real gender identity that I was in ignorance of? The short and simple is no.
From my experience, dreams reflect your experience of life. They're not necessarily in line with your psychological state, in the same way that the world out there is completely separate from the internal world. Seeing as how one hypothesised reason for dreaming is that of practicing how to survive and navigate the world, so much of what you're dreaming makes sense.
First, even if you maybe haven't spent much time thinking about them, you've probably in the last few months had an experience or two centred around erections that in some way had a significant emotional impact (whether you were aware of that impact or not) or triggered some sort of mild fight or flight response. Dreams tend to choose topics that we subconsciously feel are dangerous to us or about which we feel uncertain and unsafe. They allow us to be confronted with everything that subject means to us and attempt to live with it, find ways to avoid it or find ways to change our circumstances. Not pleasant, but your dreams make perfect sense.
Second, dreams don't easily take into account our most recent internal experiences. If an external experience has been more common, more persistent/consistent and, most importantly, more impactful/affective, your mind is going to consider that as a reality that needs facing. As such, if it has only been a few months, and even if we've gone the whole shebang and completed our transition, our brains tend to consider our previous gender expression (and thus, invalidation) as real. It will be a battle for some time. But the longer you spend in your new gender(s), the less relevant the old ones seem and the more your brain becomes attuned to your recent experience.
I hardly ever dream in my old gender. I most certainly haven't had one in a long while (and I can have lucid dreams, so I have a pretty good memory). Even when I dream that I'm back in my primary school (a really traumatic experience and thus still relevant to my mind), scenes play out in my new gender. I can promise that the only thing your brain needs is time to assimilate. Don't ever let it make you believe your gender is invalid or that you've made some grave mistake. This representation error that your mind makes is purely biological, and your brain can only adapt at the rate it does. As such, YMMV, but it will get better!
Much love
xx
