Wondering if any one else has felt this

[SimplyThea]

So in the months since coming out as trans to my friends and family I have been thinking a lot about it and talking to my friends about things and I find it kind of weird how there seems to be so much about my past that makes more sense to me now that I've come-out. It's not like I haven't known for years that I was trans. I mean I have memories from as early as 5 or 6 about wishing I could join the girl scouts instead of the cub scouts or feeling weird because I'd rather play house at recess instead of play with the G.I. Joe's or things like that. Then once I hit puberty I definitely knew things weren't right with my body. However, even though I've known I was a girl for years it seems like a lot of past experiences and feelings make a lot more sense now that I have accepted myself and actually come out about it. I was just wondering if any one else has had a similar experience to this because while it doesn't worry me it does seem a little strange that I would be having this enlightened feeling when I realized I was a girl years ago.

[Puffery]

I have had that feeling but id say it is more of an affirmation then a realization. when someone who has known me for years brings up somthing I personally never noticed, like the way I sat as an example. No one ever said anything tell after my transition and a close friend said something along the lines "now the way you sit kinda suddenly makes a lot more sense" and little things like that I discovered along the way, things out of place for my former gender that I never noticed I was doing.

[KaylaMadison]

I didn't always know I was trans. I just knew something wasn't the same as the other boys. When I came out things in my past sort of clicked and made sense. Personally I tried so hard to be the "man" that i thought I was supposed to be, and in hind sight it seems it didn't matter my mind was going to do what it wanted. At least I have an explanation for things i couldn't quite put my finger on before.

[KatelynBG]

I recently saw the movie "Inside Out" and one of their plot devices was the use of "Core" memories. After getting to self realization I realized that all of my "Core" memories were from all the times as a child and teen I internalized the shame of who I am. Like when I looked up "transsexual" in my old Encyclopedia Brittanica and recoiled in horror over what it said. Or the time my dad wouldn't let me paint my room Red white and blue because red was too girly. Or the time after I tried to come out to my mom and she asked me if I felt like a woman trapped in a man's body and I lied and said it's just a phase and she breathed a sigh of relief and said "Ok, good." All of that baggage has been internalized and no one has ever said that ot's ok to be myself.

My friends tell me about their happy empties with me as a child and I draw complete blanks, but anything related to my transness is there as clear as day. It makes sense why now.

[suzifrommd]

I only started thinking I might be trans a few years ago at age 50. But looking back, there were all kinds of signs. When I was 7, my best friend was a girl. Everyone else teased me, so we stopped being friends (major regret, but hey, I was 7). In preschool, I made two friends, both girls. As a teen, most of the people I was interested in being friends with were girls.

I've always been most interested in movies and books about strong female central characters, and always enjoyed listening to music by female singers. All of this started falling into place as I began looking back.

[Cindy]

I think the repression or suppression of our trans* identity is quite common, particularly for the older members for whom there was little chance of transitioning or acceptance when we were young. Coupled of course with the total lack of information for ourselves and our parents; so we were just 'odd'. Many of us thought we were the only person in the world with such feelings. So we buried them to survive. Now, in more liberal times many are 'coming out'; dealing with our early life situations is for many the root cause of PTSD that some of us have to deal with.