I am very convinced with my chosen first name as, "Phoenix." But people who have known me for much of my life(especially my parents, particularly my father) are not accepting of that name and continue to address me as "Sparkle"(my at-birth female name) along with female pronouns.>.> This is not only embarrassing but confusing as hell(being called up by my dialysis manager and referred to correctly as "Sir" and "Phoenix" almost impulses me to "correct" him with "Ma'am" and "Sparkle" because of my father and because I am so used to it even though I have always hated it deep down
).
I know legal documentation can go a long way to undo this, but not with my father. He told me that I will always be "Sparkle" no matter what and that I always have been and always will be. To him, my at-birth name is set in stone and that I have no say in how I am addressed not only by him but by others too! This is so absurd to even tell ya'll but it is the truth.
I searched for answers to questions like; "What can I do to get my parents to recognize me as Phoenix and their son instead of Sparkle and their daughter for the rest of their lives?"
I think I may have found it in an autobiography book by Ryan K. Sallans, titled "Second Son," who is a fully transitioned(by his standards anyway) FtM. What he did was he shortened his original female name(Kimberly) to "Kim"(which is androgynous) and then connected it by a dash with a more masculine-sounding noun(Scout). So now his full name is: Ryan Kim-Scout Sallans. I think that was an awesome idea. Not at first, until I read that it made it easier for his parents to handle his transition and his name change too!
I think being called "Kim" is better than being called "Kimberly" if you are a man, right? And "Kim" is for him, a part of him he did not totally want to discard as a person, I suppose too. So he had some personal reasons also. Because of this, I am inspired to do likewise. But instead of "Kim," since my name was not "Kimberly" to begin with, I want to use "Sparks," which I think I heard is either male or androgynous. Its way better than "Sparkle" for me and I think it closely resembles the original name but not in a way that sounds nearly as feminine. More importantly, I hope to high heaven that this helps my family out. I do not want everyone calling me "Sparks" though. Only people who struggle to accept "Phoenix" as my name who I knew for a long time. I prefer "Phoenix." People who are close to me personally, like a bro of mine, sometimes calls me "Nix" for short. I know what I want my full name to be now: "Phoenix Sparks-King Rosemond" I think its kinda lengthy, but every name in this long name alone, has its own story and are important to my successful future transition.
So what do you guy's think about using a boy/girl name instead of just either/or depending on your gender alone?
And do you guys think I should try this on my father or no?
I mean, a psychiatrist(not mine personally) advised me to refer to him by his first name instead of "dad" as I involuntarily have all my life without even feeling connected to him on that level in the first place, let alone really knowing what a "dad" really is.
But I think sometimes my livelihood inside his house is at stake if I attempt this again, but for this reason. He is gonna demand to know why I am calling him "Michael" or even "Father" instead of robotically addressing him as "dad." Then I will be forced to say, "The psychiatrist who discharged me a couple weeks back advised me to, until you begin referring to me as 'Phoenix' from here on, out." Which is true.
My father is such a tyrant that I barely leave my room unless I either need to eat, use the bathroom(including showering or cleaning the bathroom), and/or when I leave outside to dialysis, doctor appointments, grocery shopping, and other errands. When I do have to cringingly accompany him to somewhere important(like the social security office), I keep quiet and only speak when spoken to so I can minimize any chances of unnecessary arguing. I hate arguing because no one really wins and he absolutely craves it. I mean, last night, I pretended to be asleep when he got back from work just so he could not talk to me so I do not have to risk an argument after being dialysized especially. Dialysis is stressful enough but dealing with him on top of that is pure exhaustion. Yes, I do feel guilty for my false pretense of sleep, but what else could I do?
I apologize for the last, irrelevant paragraph there. Just a little saucy rant from
Man-Baby Whinin' Central over here...help....
