Hi all. I'm currently struggling with the reality of being a mtf trans person but I keep double guessing myself about my situation and I'm looking for some perspective before I go any further.
While I don't have the strong gender dysphoria that most trans people seem to have, I definitely have moments in my past that I can recall that lead me to believe I am in fact transgender. I even attempted to come out to my parents at one point only to have them rebuff me with the argument of "You never exhibited anything that would lead US to believe you're not your assigned gender" which definitely gave me pause to consider what was actually going on, but in the years since that confrontation I've reached the same conclusion yet again. The biggest thing that's given me pause to consider this being fantasy rather than reality was that I first discovered what it actually means to be transgender through the world of pornography and I've fetishized it for the longest time, but before I did that I can distinctly remember a moment when I was in middle school or high school where I literally prayed to god to make me a woman, even if only for a brief moment which is what I hold on to as proof that I actually do want to transition. I want more than anything to meet with a gender therapist and talk to them about what I'm actually going through, but since there's nobody in my state that seems to specialize in that I'm stuck where I am right now until I can do that. In that regard, I have a few questions to ask you guys:
1. When did you realize you were trans?
2. How strong is/was your gender dysphoria?
3. How did you deal with the realization when it happened?
4. What resources did you draw from when you realized you were trans?
If any of you have answers for one or more of these questions I would be eternally grateful. I want to move into this next phase of my life, but I don't want to do anything rash at the same time. Any advice you have would be appreciated.
