Finding balance.

[CosmicJoke]

Hi everyone. As the title implies I am currently trying to find the balance in my life between fitting the mold of female and accepting that nothing is wrong with me as I am.
This has been a very hard issue for me to come to grips with; the fact that people did not see me as female. I was so desperate to just be seen as that. I would go to great measure and still go to great measure to fit the mold of what is seen and perceived as female.
Though, at the end of the day; it doesn't erase the whole transgender designation from me.
I can go out into public where nobody there ever knew me prior (That issue enlies with my family,) and be seen just as a girl and not be tormented by anyone for it; it's just who I am...
Though, the need to constantly uphold the facade gets exhausting. I realize I needed to find the balance between understanding there's nothing wrong with me and just being myself and expressing myself as I am comfortable doing so.
Has anyone else here come to this realization?

[JLT1]

Hi,

I think I understand.

My hair isn't quite long enough and my voice is a little deep in the morning.  If I go out without warming up  the voice or without a wig, I get labeled transgender.  If I  get all dressed correctly, my voice warmed up and makeup on, I am gendered as a woman.  Unless my family is there and every one is slipping with my old name or is having pronoun problems.  When that happens, I'm gendered trans.

I don't mind the work to get ready.  From wake up until out the door, it's one hour including shower, makeup and dressing.  Plus, I warm up the voice in the shower.  Its the cost in time of dealing with my being a very special woman. 

The family thing still isn't working for me.  Need to figure that one out.

Hugs

Jennifer

[suzifrommd]

I struggle with this heavily. I really, really like being able to pass, even though I deeply believe we shouldn't need to and that if fewer of us passed, there would be more acceptance. Passing takes a lot of effort and attention to detail, and I'm just not a detail person. It uses a lot of psychic energy to live this way, but I'm not willing to let it go.