Got Dumped by the Woman I Love: Moving On Advice :(

[CMD042414]

First, I'm sorry you're going through this. It is tough, and everyone deserves an honest explanation at the end of a relationship to help them get over it.

I've been the person who was over the moon and then feelings disappeared. So perhaps I can shed some light on the whys. It absolutely does have a lot to do with the speed and intensity of a relationship. The only time I've ever gotten like this has been when I've jumped into a relationship too quickly. I'll share an example from recent history.

Last fall I started dating another trans guy. We met online, went on two dates, made it official within two weeks, and within a month were talking about super serious stuff like moving in together, moving to a new city together, getting a house, etc. We were spending all of our spare time together. We would text each other all day, I'd go over for dinner one weeknight, and he'd come over and stay on the weekends. It was intense. Now, I know everybody brings both good and bad qualities to the table in a relationship. But when you get as close as we did as quickly as we did, seeing things about him that I disliked seemed to pile up very quickly. It didn't leave me with time to adjust to them and decide whether or not to accept them.

I won't go into detail about what exactly those qualities were, but as they started to accumulate, I realized that not only were they things that he readily acknowledged and refused to change, but they were also things that were incompatible with me as a person. It was like flipping a switch - my feelings just immediately changed, I no longer saw a future in the relationship. Had we taken it a little slower, dated longer instead of jumping into a relationship right away, I may have been able to tease out those traits before I got so invested in the relationship.

I think one of the things we're guilty of as a community is jumping into whatever relationships we can get, because we think being trans makes it less likely to find a partner. It's an utterly toxic way of thinking, and it was absolutely why I got into that relationship and why I let it drag on longer than I should have.

That's quite eye-opening. She never gave a valid reason so I will never know.