[edit] Email updated. Finger hovering over send. Sent. Holy God.
I'm 37 years old, MTF pre everything. I really, really want to come out to my family (parents, sisters, brother).
I feel like it would be really hard to explain myself face to face, but after I've gotten out what I have to say in the email, it will be easier to talk to them.
I'd really appreciate anyone's feedback on my coming out email. Anything you think I shouldn't be saying? Anything you think I should say, or wish you had said?
Thanks . email below.
________
Hi everyone. I chose to say what I'm about to say in an email for a couple of reasons:
*It's easier for me to put my thoughts into words when I write them down and have time to think about what I'm saying
*I want to give you time to think about and process what what I'm saying, without putting either of us on the spot
I'm not using email to avoid saying this to your face. I'm happy to talk to you about this any time you're ready (just not tonight, please see my requests at the end of this email), on the phone, FaceTime, or in person. But I won't bug you - you tell me when you're ready to talk. The ball is in your court.
Deep breath...
I'm a transgender woman.
Exhale...
(reminder to self, try not to pass out)
[Cat name] already knows - sorry, she has been asking some uncomfortable questions.
What does this mean? Quite simply, although I was pronounced male at birth, my brain is and always has been quite sure that I'm a woman (there are differences in brains of men and women so a mismatch is possible). The phrase "Woman trapped in a man's body" is very cliché and isn't quite accurate, but it's the same general idea. This makes things difficult for me because as you may know, I was born with a male body, and have lived as a male for 37 years.
This mis-match has been a great source of stress for me throughout my life. Long before I realized I was a woman I've suffered from severe anxiety and depression because I have been living my life as the wrong gender. You know some of the struggles I've been through with depression and anxiety. Please know that is just the tip of the iceberg. Many repressed transgender people commit suicide long before they reach my age, and I am glad that I have had the strength to persevere for long enough to come to this realization. (I'm happy and safe right now and there is nothing to worry about).
This may come as a surprise to you. This may seem sudden, or like it's coming out of the blue. No doubt it is, to you. For me, this is the culmination of over a decade of soul-searching and self-discovery. This is not a phase or a rash decision. It has noting to do with 'Caitlin' or 'Jazz' or anyone else except for me.
But really, is it that much of a surprise?
For possibly the first time in my life I feel truly happy, hopeful and excited about my future; a future in which I no longer have to hide and pretend to be something I'm not. I hope that you will join me in celebrating this future. Please don't feel like you've done anything wrong, or that this is anyone's 'fault'. This is who I am, it's how I was born, and there's nothing wrong with it.
What does that future look like for me? At this point I don't know, and I probably won't ever know completely until I get there. Right now I'm talking to a therapist, thinking about my options and taking things slow. I'm glad to discuss as little or as much as you would like to know.
There are a couple of things I would ask from you:
*Please - get a hold of me and let's talk (once you're ready). If you don't, I'll worry like crazy about what you're thinking.
*but please, let's not talk tonight, wait until tomorrow at least. This is a very emotional email for me to write, and I'm going to need to take me some time to wind down and relax. Plus, I'd really like you to take some time before we talk as well. I'm safe, OK, happy. But the phone is going OFF after I click send. (reminder to self, try not to pass out)
*I would really appreciate it if you could refer to me using female pronouns - she, her, etc. This is as new to me as it is to you so I won't be offended if you slip up, I just ask that you make an effort. Don't worry it will be as weird for me as it will be for you. Please don't feel offended if I correct you. But I bet it will feel a lot more natural than you might imagine.
*Please, don't make jokes about this, even if you feel it's a way to show understanding and affection. I'm really sensitive right now and sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between an actual joke, and being made fun of.
That's about all I have to say for now. Here's to a happy and exciting future!
