I'm doing something stupid and it hurts

[Promethea]

Those that have read me before know that I'm pretty radical in my views on what I think we should do to feminize ourselves, and that I'm not too particularly concerned with passing as long as I'm treated fairly and respectfully.

While I have mostly accepted that I can't currently afford laser or all the make-up it would take to cover my beard shadow and go out merrily letting people deal with it, I would be lying if I said it causes me no dysphoria at all.

So last week I took my tweezers and proceeded to pluck out the hair in my soul patch area. It took a long time and it hurt like crazy, but I did it.

The next day I started with the upper lip. I started in the middle, because if I didn't finish it in one sitting (as I didn't) I would prefer looking like Cantinflas rather than... than... you know... Charlie Chaplin! Of course, totally Charlie Chaplin! The whole upper lip took me two days. Gosh, do those hairs hurt! I swear some of them felt like they were rooted into my eyes! It was slow, hard, exhausting and painful, but once I start I can't stop.

To give you an idea of what I'm working against, here's an older picture of me from the days when I could as well participated in one of those beard and moustache championships. Take into account my chin and neck were shaven, it was friendly mutton chops, not a full beard.



Wait, that is an actual contestant in a beard and moustache championship. Here's old me:



These last few days I've been working down to my chin and in reducing the sides. I kind of look like Wolverine now. Or his sister. But I'm now touching the tip of my chin and it feels so smooth! I'm almost crying! It's stupid, I know... But it's how it makes me feel.

And today something happened that showed me one more time why facial hair is so much important than any facial surgeries. Now, I FEEL completely feminine, I don't need this to feel it, but today, when I was in front of the mirror working on my chin, I saw femininity looking back at me from the mirror. The awkward contorted femininity we (trans and cis) don't show men, of when we do things to look prettier like plucking those stubborn hairs from the chin or the bikini line, or clipping and painting of toenails.

I feel it, but I don't often get to SEE it in me.

Just wanted to share that. Now I need to exfoliate.

Did any of you pluck before starting laser/electro? I hope it gets finer or at least manageable. Some soul patch hairs are starting to show and I'm still not done with the rest of my face.

[stephaniec]

way too tedious for me

[Jill F]

It will grow back in a month or so.  This is good, because laser and electro don't work on a plucked hair.

[JLT1]

Wow...

That had to hurt.

If you can get electro as it comes back in, it may help. 

Hugs

Jennifer

[Promethea]

Jill, you mean it won't work on a plucked hair that hasn't yet grown back, right?

I know it will grow back, but not having to stare at all that shadow even right after shaving, or having to take days off from shaving (and from leaving the house) when I need to let my face rest from all the irritation from shaving.... That's good enough for the time being.

[Jill F]

Jill, you mean it won't work on a plucked hair that hasn't yet grown back, right?

I know it will grow back, but not having to stare at all that shadow even right after shaving, or having to take days off from shaving (and from leaving the house) when I need to let my face rest from all the irritation from shaving.... That's good enough for the time being.

Correct.  If there's no hair there, the laser can't see it and the electrologist can't zap/pluck it.

[Promethea]

Laser or electro are still some time down the line for me...

Now if hair didn't grow back laser wouldn't be necessary But I can already see some growing back. At a week. Six days actually... I should apply for the Guinness book, and use the prize to pay for electro.

[Valwen]

Ouch I tried just shaping my eyebrows, took about 3 minutes to give up and go get them waxed. More embarrassing at the time as it was pre full time. Infact I just realized it was the last new place I went to before I have up that masculine mistake.

Serena

[amoeba]

I had super thick facial hair and used to pluck my cheeks and chin years ago, before I could afford laser. For sure, it hurts, and it took me ages to get through it all. It made me feel good at first, and I do think the hair thinned out somewhat, but it also caused other new problems that I didn't have before I started plucking. The areas where I used to pluck had a much higher incidence of ingrown hair than other parts of my face. Eventually, I went to a dermatologist for help with the ingrown hair pimples. She told me male facial hair isn't meant to be plucked [gee, really? ], and that I should stop if I wanted the ingrown hairs to go away. I weighed it up, and decided to live under the dysphoria rather than ruining my skin further. Laser was truly helpful.

[Promethea]

Serena, don't get me started on my eyebrows. They are not so hairy, but they are so uneven that I look like I'm permanently doing a Sean Connery impression. When I remove some stray hair it gets worse. I don't know what to do to fix that, I don't like the idea of painted eyebrows.


Amoeba, I'll try exfoliating to keep that under control.

[KristinaM]

Try an epilator, it's like electric tweezers.  Does the same thing you're doing in 1/50th the time or less.

[AnonyMs]

Try an epilator, it's like electric tweezers.  Does the same thing you're doing in 1/50th the time or less.

Only problem is, it hurts 50 times more. I tried it, and its really really painful.

I've been advised not to do it due to potential ingrown hair problems, but I didn't get any. Lucky that, because I've had them elsewhere, and they are bad.

You could also try a topical anesthetic. Perhaps it will help with the pain.

[Promethea]

I've tried an epilator on my legs, it only managed to break some hair and give me a lot of pain.

My hair seems to grow really deep. The ones in my face are about 3 mm deep, I'm not exaggerating.

There's no way I'm bringing anything fast and automatic near my face. I know some people wax their facial hair. If I did that it would look a lot like a scene from V.

The soul patch is definitely growing back. Today I had to pluck a lot of those hairs that were already sticking out, too many to be just the ones that broke.

It's unbelievable how this single thing can bring me down and make me question my plans for the next few months... It's not just this, but this is how everything that is not going as I would want to comes at my face attacking me from the mirror.

My plans were to stay here in Brazil until carnival to play, save some money in the meantime, then go back to Uruguay to get some documents in order and renew my Swedish passport, and from there go to Sweden where, because I'm a citizen, I can start government funded electro, HRT, voice therapy, etc.

But saving money here is getting really hard. I have a job that keeps me mostly bill free, but I need something else to bring in any actual money, not just avoid expenses. My ID was stolen and my consulate won't help me get a new one, so I can't get my work permit. Without that getting a regular job is almost impossible. Even if I had the permit, they are unlikely to hire a foreigner, and being trans doesn't help.

I've tried making different things to sell, macrame jewellery, food, now I'm making an alcoholic beverage, but the locals seem to only like foreigners when you buy from them, not when you have something to sell. They don't like food that is different than what they eat here and they already have where to get that. People that tried my drink seem to like it, but not many people want to try something different. This freaking rainy season isn't helping either, I can't wait for it to end.

I even have doubts about the few local friends I've made. I see them being really friendly and then talking behind their backs. I wonder what they say behind mine...

If things don't change I don't know how I'm going to afford going to Uruguay, let alone Sweden! Even if I could make it back to Uruguay, being trans the possibilities of getting a job aren't better there....

I don't know what to do anymore...

[JoanneB]

Plucking out facial hair is nothing new. A few in my group, including myself, do. In my case I never had much of a beard and just do the really dark ones.

I've been plucking my "Uni-Brow" since age 12 or so. It's a loosing battle. After 40+ years hairs still grow back. But not all

[Promethea]

Screw this, I'm going back to shaving. It grows back too fast, and because it gets a bit ingrown it is visible at a point when I still can't pluck it. And the area below my lower lip looks like a chicken's butt.

I hope I can leave this hole soon...

[Laura_7]

Well your embassy has to help.
usually they even have to forward a ticket home which you have to repay later.
(this I know for example from someone from austria )
I'd insist.
Maybe insisting in a nice way could help...
they might get some pictures from the id from sweden and compare for example...
or someone you know from sweden could call them and tell them you need a new id...

[Promethea]

I have insisted. They will only help me go back to Uruguay, not establish temporary residence here. I still want to be here for carnival, and with the situation in Uruguay I know I wouldn't be able to save enough for tickets to Sweden and to sustain myself while I get a job.

I haven't lived in Sweden for 29 years, so I can't just ask them to fly me there. They can probably give me a new ID (I know they'd give me a new passport if I had a valid ID), but that wouldn't help me request temporary residence here.

On the other hand, things in the financial front may be improving. It hasn't rained in a few days (maybe rainy season is finally over) and last Saturday I made very good sales. There may be light at the end of this tunnel.

[amoeba]

I'm sorry to hear it didn't go as well as could be hoped Promethea

Thick facial hair is the cause of a large part of dysphoria for me personally, so I can definitely relate. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers here.

[anjaq]

I think even a single laser session will already do a lot, if its done well - with 4-5 of them a lot of the dark hair will be gone for a long while and after shaving, there is not much visible anymore. So I think this definitely pays off if you are really trying to get fast results. Plucking just takes time, pain, lasts only days at best - its not worth it - better work for something that pays money in that time and pay for laser