I'm confused and worried

[shiranai]

Hello, I'm new here, and I created an account because I feel very confused and need someone to talk to that's not my family. I'm not sure how it would be taken and I'm not sure how I feel myself. I want to be a boy... I've always seen myself as one, ever since I was little, but not as, "I am a boy". More like, I'm a girl, but boys are better. I felt that it was girly to chose a female character in a video game, or to wear pink or dresses. I grew up... And I still feel that way, but now I realize... This is hard to talk about. Ahhhh.... I felt stuck. I feel stuck. I don't want to be a girl. I don't hate it... I just feel... I don't know. I hate menustrating, that's the only thing I'm certain of. I don't feel like I need to have a male lifestyle, or that I need to be in a male bathroom... Well it's something I've always thought about actually. I don't know. Is anyone listening? I don't even know if what I'm writing is ok. I want to know if what I feel is valid, if I can be considered... I don't have a male identity is what I mean... I don't see myself as a boy, but I don't like it... I don't feel comfortable when people call me a girl... I don't feel like a girl. Agh I'm so confused. I want someone to work this out for me, instead of having to sort through my emotions by myself... I could tell my mom or my sister, or even my friends, but I feel so insecure. I know they would understand, but I'm worried... Is this too big, can I go through such a big change, and have my family support me financially? I'm scared... And unsure. Some advice would be nice.

[leacobb]

Im so sorry you are struggling with this. I know how painful it can be when you feel lost in this way, from what i have read it seems to me that you are gender neutral which isnt a bad thing. But dont take my word for it.. i think what you need to do is to see a therapist they will help you to figure your emotions out.. unforgently only you know how you truely feel and only you can find your answers but a therapist will guide you.. i wish you all the best along this journey, Take Care

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[shiranai]

Im so sorry you are struggling with this. I know how painful it can be when you feel lost in this way, from what i have read it seems to me that you are gender neutral which isnt a bad thing. But dont take my word for it.. i think what you need to do is to see a therapist they will help you to figure your emotions out.. unforgently only you know how you truely feel and only you can find your answers but a therapist will guide you.. i wish you all the best along this journey, Take Care

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

If I quote you does this mean I reply...? Oh well. Just wanted to thank you, but I would have to... Tell my mom if I were to find a therapist. I don't want to do that, just yet. But I'll try talking to people...

[Cindy]

Hi Shiarani and Welcome to Susan's

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Nice to see you here, please join in and you are part of this great family now!

[katrinaw]

welcome to our family shiranai

So sorry to hear you are in turmoil, looking at your original post and your reply.... have you spoken with your parents about how you feel at all yet, ever?

Oh and by the way you are not the first to be totally confused over your gender identity...

Anyway, you mention that you feel uncomfortable people calling you a girl, a question: would you feel better if they saw you as a boy?

I think you know who you really want to be but are possibly blocking out the obvious, is it because you can't talk to someone? If you feel awkward talking to your parents can you talk with a friend, or a slightly different relation, like relatives? Are you at school or college or Uni? is there a counsellor there who you could talk with.

You probably do need a therapist, but am conscious of your discussing that with your folks... hence the opening question...

Best wishes moving forward and look forward to seeing you around the forum's

L Katy 

[ajames.shirley]

I'm proud of you for having the courage to post your struggles and innermost feelings in order to make positive changes for yourself. I hope you found what makes you happy as far as finding and expressing your gender identity. Stay awesome, friend.

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[shiranai]

welcome to our family shiranai

So sorry to hear you are in turmoil, looking at your original post and your reply.... have you spoken with your parents about how you feel at all yet, ever?

Oh and by the way you are not the first to be totally confused over your gender identity...

Anyway, you mention that you feel uncomfortable people calling you a girl, a question: would you feel better if they saw you as a boy?

I think you know who you really want to be but are possibly blocking out the obvious, is it because you can't talk to someone? If you feel awkward talking to your parents can you talk with a friend, or a slightly different relation, like relatives? Are you at school or college or Uni? is there a counsellor there who you could talk with.

You probably do need a therapist, but am conscious of your discussing that with your folks... hence the opening question...

Best wishes moving forward and look forward to seeing you around the forum's

L Katy 

Since my post I've told my mom. She hasn't regarded it with much opinion, or if she has I don't know. We haven't mentioned it since... I can't tell my dad. I don't feel ok with it. I know he sees me as his little girl... He doesn't know I like girls either. I can't tell him this... I don't want him to be upset. I've decided that I really do wish I were a boy... But I've been posting in this forum because nobody I know can understand. I've talked to my friend and she doesn't understand, and she told me this, although she had been understanding. Ahh I'm still feeling terrible. Even more so now that I realize all this. I'm not very masculine and when menstruating i always feel depressed... I really hate it. I probably wouldn't make a good guy anyways. Thanks for the advice though, it made me happy to see such support.

[Valwen]

first off as people have been trying to pummel into my head the last few months, there is no one true way to be a guy or girl everyone is there own self, However you end up is good because its who you are.

and how masculine or feminine you are or are not or end up has no bearing on who you are there are some increadible transformation stories both physical and mental.

Don't feel like posting here is odd, a lot of people posting here are not out and public about it, susans is a place where you can chat without fear of others judging you.

Serena