Getting help and support (Please).

[AnonGal]

Few things before you continue. 1) I am not seeking illegal help. 2) This post is to help you understand why I can't get my sex change and... 3) Don't freak out over my post and call the police. At least try to read my entire post and understand my situation, please...?

On my main account I've run into this problem where I have to be careful what I say because I live in a very small town and I'd rather not the police come knocking at my door because of this "candy" I'm taking (It's against TOS to speak about it, so I'll call it candy, and I'll try mentioning it as little as possible).

I was threatened once on this forum that someone would contact the police because I was taking illegal "candy", and so as a precaution, I am using a VPN & Proxy with a new email.... (If I get banned I get banned, but I hope this isn't enough to have me banned as I'd genuinely like answers).
I'd strongly appreciate it if this account isn't banned as it took me over 2 hours to register this account and email because of my already incredibly slow internet and these proxies.

-------

Anyways moving on. I live in a small town in the Pilbara in Australia. I won't give exact details of my location, however I will say this. For me to get to McDonalds, Apple Store, Subway, etc is a 17 hour car drive, and driving back is an additional 17 hours. This is 32 hours in total. I don't make enough money to be able to leave this town, and I don't own a car (Airport is a 2 hour car drive!!!!) I don't get paid well, and I have a very feminine body as it is, but I know that'll change soon.

I've obtained illegal "candy" and started to take them. I'm not asking for advice on anything illegal, I'm asking if there is any possible way for me to get help without suggesting I magically teleport to a psychologist (which by the way the nearest one is a 4 hour car drive). There's no Bus'es here, no trains, nothing.

It makes me a little upset that I have to desperately look for answers online and they're all the same, and if I intend to bring the matter in my own hands, everywhere people say "Just go to the doctors". I have. They told me I have to go to Perth. Every month. For a psychologist...or I can drive to the nearest town...every month....I kind of can't leave this town however...I'm trapped.

I'm really tired and frustrated of the same answers everywhere. It's great that you all have the convenience of a local super market, cars, concerts, airports, bus, trains, taxi's, cinema's, a PROPER local doctor (the doctors in my town is a rip off. They charge you $150 just for a sick note. They DO NOT accept Medicare), but not everyone does.

At this rate the only way I'll be able to leave town is by breaking my leg and having a helicopter flying me to Perth Hospital for free (you have to pay for your own ticket back, but I won't be able to afford it anyways and there's no way I'd go back!) and unfortunately I'd likely end up homeless in the city and will probably have to turn to prostitution, or if I'm lucky I can get a job up there because I still technically have a "home address" in the Pilbara... But I would have to sleep on the streets the entire time, so... That'd suck.

Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm just so tired of the same answers. Every. Single. Time.
I understand if you can't give me proper advice, but... I don't know.

If you were me, what would you do? Because irregardless of the answers here, I know it'll likely be the same answers again anyways... Or that I should go here, or see this person, or get involved with the police, or magically contact my other family and all that stuff (my family hates transgender people fyi).

Either way, if the answers aren't to my liking, I'll either just continue taking this "candy", do something to end up in hospital so I can find a job in the city or prostitution...or just kill myself (Not saying I will, I'm just saying they're options).

I know you guys will go crazy now and start dialing in the number for the police. I get it. You'd rather "save my life" rather than me doing anything drastic. But what other options do I have? You're telling me that you're going to try to be a "hero" by preventing someone from doing the sex change illegally or by preventing them from killing themselves? Bravo! Good job! You've called the police on someone, alerted the whole town of my secret (the police here gossip like mad) and on top of that, you'll be sitting in your chair in your home in the big city with the privileged life thinking "I've saved another life. I deserve a pat on the back".

Look, I'm not trying to sound nasty or anything. It's really late (it's morning) and I'm just trying to make it clear that in certain situations that you can't always be the hero. My situation is very difficult and the last thing I need is someone causing me trouble because I'm "ruining my life".

I'm miserable, I'm depressed, and if become ill enough that I need to visit the doctors.....yeah. I can't even afford to go to the doctors, let alone have a proper meal.

So, please do me a favor...? I'm not asking for illegal help. I'm asking for alternative ways for help, and I'm also asking for you not to freak out and dial 911 (or 000) and treat me like I'm a Class A criminal or something like that.
I'm a human being stuck in terrible conditions without the possibility of seeing a proper doctor, or therapist. I'm unable to leave town, and I can't afford the doctors or therapist. I have no where to live outside of this town, and... I'm basically screwed.

The reason for the wall of text (which I apologize for) is to hopefully to help you guys understand my life a little better and understand that...I just can't do the same things as you guys. Most of you live in areas where you can go to McDonalds, where you can go to the doctors with your medicare cards, or where you can join sports activities or even do some courses at TAFE or... Even just buying clothes or having a Aldi, Coles, or Woolworths.

All I have is hair dressers, post office, cheap stores, and really bad internet. Getting Foxtel down here is impossible (not that I can afford it anyways).

Anyways, what do you suggest for me to do? (I know I'll get messages about the TOS and most likely 1 or 2 people will start calling the police on me...Thanks. It's against the rules for me to seek help at all - like. Ever. Right? That's cool... At least suggest a place that I can actually reach that I can speak to about this...? You know...?)

[Jessica Merriman]

This is a tough situation. I understand where you are coming from, but unfortunately transition is directed by WPATH and guidelines that must be followed. I am on Facebook if you would like to PM more in depth without TOS worries. I am in the U.S., but have mentored many girls who are successfully living as themselves today.

[Laura_7]

I'd suggest you calm down...

you have a few options...
there are online therapists:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,187135.0.html

There are more, and some in your country might accept your insurance and communicate online:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,109367.msg825414.html#msg825414
There is a link to a list with transgender friendly gp and psychs in Australia.
You just have to email there to have it sent to you.

Oh and if you have slow internet its for example possible to switch to only speech...

hugs

[AnonGal]

@Jessica: Thanks Jessica, I appreciate the offer! I know there's a specific way we have to do things, but I can't live as a man anymore. Something needs to change, and I can't be patient forever. My best solution is to get out of this town and into the city, and somehow magically from there not live on the streets, you know?

Again, sorry if my original post is harsh towards anyone in anyway at all. I'm just dead tired from exhaustion and I have to go to work again very soon - my last job was worse though. 16 hours a day for 7 days, that's 112 hours a week and only $100 a week. No breaks. Standing constantly. My new job isn't so bad but I still have to work constantly.....

@Laura_7: Thank you!!! This is the type of information I've needed to hear... I was told by a few people it was impossible, so I'm assuming it is possible than, right? I'm guessing I'll have to go with the ones that charge around $80 or more, right? I think it's manageable...

[Lizandri Roth]

My dear friend...  I read everything you wrote and felt it deeply.  It's the worst place to be in the world, mentally and physically.  I'm not here to judge you but just to love you and understand your situation.  Don't worry, I won't call the police.  I know how a small town is and living in a desolated area from any 'civilization'.  Please allow me to tell my story briefly.  Your story touched my heart deeply because it's very close to what I have gone through.  I don't have the answers, but unfortunately there is this stupid 'system' and the rules you have to follow.  Anyway, here's my story:

I live in the central north of Namibia (South West Africa) in a very small town called Outjo.  No McDonalds, no electronic stores, no nothing.  Slow internet connection and a lot of gossip.  Every one here knows everyone.  Black and white, doesn't matter.  I can't even buy any female clothes anywhere in town (though there's only two small shops) because people will tell.  They all know me because I grew up in this lost little town.  Every body here dresses the same, talk the same, and think the same. A gun and bible slinging community. I work in a low paying store because there's not much to chose from professionally. Before 2013 I never even heard about the term 'transgender' or 'transsexual'.  Had no idea what was wrong with me and why something felt off inside until I found this forum.  I was in a bad place mentally.  Had no idea where to go, where to start, who to meet.  There was no help at all.  Internet didn't even help either.  To give you an example; if we want to go shop we have to drive 320km's to our capital Windhoek.  There you can find a clinical psychologists, a therapist, decent doctor ect.  But that's a 4 hour drive.  Finally after almost giving up completely and calling it quits on my life I contacted different therapists in South Africa.  I think about 8 that specialized in Gender Reassignment.  Guess how many came back.  Only one!  She gave me a number of a guy that lives in Johannesburg, South Africa who had been on hormones for 4 months.  He (now she) was my saving grace and directed me on the right path.  But I did not like that path.  Because before an endocrinologist will even consider giving you HRT you must have a 'confirmation' letter from a therapist or clinical psychologist proclaiming that you want to change your sex!  Worse even is that you must have been in therapy for at least a year.  I wanted to be a woman so bad and just cried when thinking that a year would pass by before I could even think about going on hormones.  And guess where the nearest psychologist was: In Windhoek.  4 Hours away.  I did not have the money to do it, but I managed it after spending every penny I had.  I now live with my parents because I have nothing!  Then what happened next.  Namibia did not have an endocrinologist.  I had to fly to South Africa after the psychologist gave me the 'okay'.  So I had to save money for at least another year just to afford a plane ticket and the consultation at the endo.  But thank God I made it.  BUT I had to go to South Africa again for a check up 4 months later or else the doctor would stop my prescription hormones. I'm totally broke and in deep debt at the bank.  I have to sell my only car just to afford the hormones (which is ridiculously expensive in Africa) and pay of the plane ticket and blood tests I had to do.  I don't know how I will make it, but God brought me this far to leave me now. 

Yes I know.  I did make it this far and you haven't even received a letter from a therapist.  Those days for me were terrible.  The unsecure future, the dark path with no lights, the uncertainty that it would ever happen.  I was in a deep depression and I'm still struggling with a killer anxiety.  I don't know what to tell you, I really don't.  You just touched me because I know how it feels to have no way out.  I wish I could've helped.  The only thing I can do now is keep you in my thoughts and pray for you.  Please hold on.  If you have the will, there will be a way.  Don't quit just yet!

[Laura_7]

@Laura_7: Thank you!!! This is the type of information I've needed to hear... I was told by a few people it was impossible, so I'm assuming it is possible than, right? I'm guessing I'll have to go with the ones that charge around $80 or more, right? I think it's manageable...

Look... its people there... just talk and explain your situation... be friendly but persistent...


hugs

[AnonGal]

...Wow. I'm surprised no one has threatened me about the TOS or calling the police yet...

@Lizandri Roth; I read your entire story (though you presented yours much better than mine, while I just... Clustered my whole thoughts down, haha )

I feel I can also relate to your story, and I feel really sad for you also. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It's amazing you went through all of that. Thanks again! I'd like to hear more about your stories in the future (though I can't seem to find the PM location on this account...This account must still need a few more posts before I can send/receive PM's or something?)

I can tell you have a kind soul, because I'm like this as well. I suffered a very horrible child hood (abusive father, bullies, death threats and what not) and recently my friend over seas was struggling really badly from a break up, so I went out of my way to send her something via the Post Office. I couldn't really afford it but... I understood her pain and I wanted to comfort her as much as possible. I have a feeling you're the same or very similar.

@Laura_7: Okay, I will, thank you Laura!

[Laura_7]

Thanks again! I'd like to hear more about your stories in the future (though I can't seem to find the PM location on this account...This account must still need a few more posts before I can send/receive PM's or something?)

You can receive PM but to send you need 15 postings.


hugs

[cindianna_jones]

I too lived in a desert of medical resources. But it was the state of Utah, land of a cult that was giving me all sorts of problems. I finally moved to California just as soon as I could pass as female. I found a crappy job and worked my heart out until I could get my surgery and then moved on.

The thing is, it was damned hard to make that move. I slept on a friend's couch for several months. I didn't get much to eat. But I got it done. It was the best decision I've ever made.

Good luck to you. I completely understand your problem.

Chin up!
Cindi

[Lizandri Roth]

Well, talking to you made me feel better as well.  I would love to hear your future stories as well.  I'm much more fortunate with a family that fully support my decisions.  Though it's hard for my parents, they accept it.  It's an open topic in our home.  My mother even buys me clothes pretending that it's hers.  Unfortunately, should I say, I also have a heart that's too soft and the people misused it to the point where I feel my heart has turned to stone.  Though now my heart has turned to the needy and those living in the shadows because of the fear of being different.  I reach out to them now.  So, keep posting then you can throw me a PM!  Love to hear more from you. 

Sorry that I blabbered on about myself in my story in the previous post.  I just want to shout out of anger the things that I had to go through.  I just got so mad in my life thinking that all the other MTF people has it so lucky.  They have the therapist, endo, medicine and everything in one town.  I have no money and have to travel thousands of miles just to get what I want.  But after reading you're story I realized that even a place that we Africans consider a very well off rich and awesome country, that people like you and me also suffer the same consequences doesn't matter where it might be.  Lot's of love...