i was never a particularly popular kid. actually, as far as i know, i was never popular. i was just your plain under average kid who just was trying to find their way. a life i lived is one of horror and survival, a time when honestly, hope simply didnt exist. a broken family, a world spiraling out of control; a world that i shouldnt of survived but due to torment, i couldnt die. constantly wanting to leave this place behind, my survival instincts prevented me from ending it. drowned, overdosed, cuts and burns, i survived them all with little to show for my efforts. even a fall that should of proved fatal didnt phase me. i hide myself from the world, hoping to disappear. you know, i could of lived and not just survived. i could of dreamt, danced, sung and smiled, but happiness is just a faded memory to me. like passing ships in the night, i left behind nothing of my existence. fading trails of what i once was and erased my presence. there are times i wish i wasnt so alone but its the way it has to be. the price i paid to live was so steep, well, i'm still surprised i can still feel anything. my dream is to simply vanish one day, i dont care if i'm not remembered. forgetting me is the best thing. being remembered is to painful. nothing seems real. even now, i cant help but to feel as empty as ever. i've always thought that tp atone, i should at least try and help one person achieve happiness. maybe than i'll know how it feels like. but to no avail, since i dont know, i cant do. well at least i tried. there are so many things i want to say but idk, maybe.
