Seeing a therapist tomorrow... a bit nervous!

[MeganeRei]

Tomorrow at 4 in the afternoon I have my first therapy session ever(not counting school counselling but.. eh, it's kinda similiar?) but I hope I'm not too nervous. I have horrible anticipatory anxiety, and being anxious about being anxious is a big problem for me!

But this doctor says she specialises in transsexual/transgender clients and when we were talking on the phone and I told her I was trans she asked me my preferred name and pronouns so she could remember them/use them during our session and it made me so happy just with that.

Fingers crossed she's a good therapist and I'll see about relaying my experiences later tomorrow, but oh boy... I hope this is the first step to starting my new life the way it should be. I'm fairly positive I want to transition/get on hormones, though we'll see if that comes up tomorrow or not. I'm not even out to my whole family yet... something else I'm hoping she can help me with.

Ah well, I just needed to share with someone. I'm gonna go crazy without talking to people!

[Ms Grace]

If she is a good therapist she will hopefully be able to put you at ease. Just try and relax and don't be afraid to open up and tell her stuff you might feel uncomfortable revealing or discussing. Hope it goes well.

[AnonyMs]

The first one's hard, but if she's any good you'll look forward to going back.

[suzifrommd]

Good luck Megane. Please let us know how it goes.

[Laura_7]

Congratulations 

Well done 

Well it seems like a good start... if she is asking for your preferred name and pronouns..

I'd say just be who you are... and ask questions if you have any... just talk about it...
no need to be nervous...


hugs

[SarahMarie1987]

Congratulations!

I think you should pat yourself on the back dear. You are very brave for making the choice (and sticking with it) to get help. I think you are amazing!

And it is normal to be nervous. My first appointment (last week) I was shaking terribly before the session. But it sounds like, based on your phone call that you told us about, your therapist has your best interests.

[MeganeRei]

Thanks for all the replies and the support guys and gals =)
It went really well!
I was more anxious yesterday than I was today and for my first therapy session it went pretty well. I'm there to be honest and open so that wasn't hard.

I walked in and there was a clipboard with paperwork and my preferred name on a note requesting I fill it out, so I did that, and then when the therapist came out, she had both me and my mom go back with her for the first few minutes.

She asked us our concerns/why we were here, so for the first time out loud, I got to say in front of my mom that I was there for transgender issues(along with anxiety, but that's not important here for now) and then mom got to voice her concerns, and whatnot.
My therapist referred to me by just 'Mel' and used male pronouns, which made mom cry and she said how for now she'll just be using 'she' and whatnot, which I was accepting of. I mean, I've  had a long time to process this, she's had less than a week....

But after the initial stuff with mum, my therapist 'kicked her out' so it was just us and we played, in her words, 101 Questions haha. Just background stuff, my relationships, all that fun stuff, talked about educating people on trans issues because they really aren't things many people are familiar with.

She really sounded like she knew her stuff, like at the beginning explaining how mom's reaction is normal though she also noted later how it's apparent mom's trying to be supportive just, like a normal parent, having a hard time swallowing it.

After the whole therapy session, mom and I went to eat lunch and I told her I was diagnosed right off the bat with gender dysphoria, and so I got to explain that to her, which led us talking about a whole bunch of trans topics. Turns out a friend of a friend's daughter came out as FtM trans! Someone in town! I want to meet him haha I don't know how much support he has/trans friends he has so I'd love to meet him and offer him some support.

But she asked me all sorts of questions, like if I'd want surgery, and I explained to her what testosterone does and that I've always felt this way, and she asked me if I'd want surgery and treatment or something in the future and I told her I probably did.

So I covered a LOT of ground today with my mom and that's important to me =P Don't know how the rest of the family will be, but so far... I'm having a lot easier of a time than some transfolks do which I'm super thankful for... I have a pretty good family, this is just obviously a transition for everyone.

[MeganeRei]

Oh forgot to add, that when she was using male pronouns with me, it was almost weird, because I've never had male pronouns used with me and am used to the feeling I get with 'she', 'her' and whatnot that I've heard for the last 18 years.
But when she said 'he' and 'him' it felt so right and I didn't feel uncomfortable or 'ugh' when she said them.

Gives me some reassurance and comfort to know that that's the reaction I have to my preferred pronouns....

[Mariah]

Congrats, I'm glad to hear things went well. Hugs
Mariah

[MeganeRei]

My third session is this saturday and I'm looking forward to it. Last session we talked about my anxiety and my art and some other things. But it was suggested(by me) and agreed upon by my therapist that my gender dysphoria is a HUGE part of my anxiety, and a big reason why it's worse in the summer than in winter.

The way I want to dress to feel more like me, I can't do comfortably in the summer due to the heat. And showing so much skin/showing off my obviously female body gives me anxiety. Anyway, I do believe she said that this weeks' session we can get into talking about transgender things more. She might have said transitioning, I can't recall.

But I intend on telling her my intentions/thoughts towards transitioning and I'm eager to see what she will have to say about it and/or recommend. Then the week afterwards I think she's going to talk to my mother again/give mom a chance to ask more questions.

I'm nervous for whenever we have a full family meeting, as I don't know what my mom has told my dad or anything... I just told my older sister I'm trans last night and she reacted very well. She knows a lot of trans people and we both agreed it's a lot different to experience and go through when it's happening to someone you're close to and not someone you have no real connection with. But she told me if I had any different name I'd prefer to go by to let her know and let her know when I want male pronouns and all that fun stuff, so that was really nice to talk about.

Anyway, just a bit of an update I guess. =) I realllly hope I can start T soonish. I'm 18 so I suppose that might make it easier for me. I know I want to, but I'm nervous about it. I just don't want to look like a 12 year old boy for the rest of my youth lol

[AnonyMs]

It sounds like you got yourself a good therapist. I always looked forward to the next visit and spent the time between them thinking about what I wanted to talk about next. After each session I'd generally have resolved some issue, and the next would slowly reveal itself, until one day I ran out of issues. I still kind of miss it, but I don't need it anymore.

Good luck.

[MeganeRei]

I don't know how long I'll really need it.
I mean I'm already a self reflective and innovative person. I went there with no confusion about my gender identity, but confusion about what to do /next/ which we have yet to cover.
Mainly I went there for anxiety, but I already execute most coping skills, so I think maybe the dysphoria is the biggest cause since I can always more easily deal with my anxiety while presenting male(and generally passing as male) as opposed to when I'm not trying to present as male. {{And I don't want to take anxiety meds...}}

But I think I found a good therapist too... which is shocking after all the horror stories I've heard from others lol Not necessarily around here... but yeah.

Considering I'm actually excited about the next session and not worrying myself sick, I think that's a good sign! The last couple sessions we discussed what we would discuss next time haha, though she generally has let me guide the sessions when there's nothing specific she thinks we need to talk about

[MeganeRei]

Today was a pretty good session. We talked pretty much just about testosterone and steps for transitioning. Third session and I'm already surprised things are moving as fast as they are... My Therapist is going to talk to my GP and then see about getting a referral for me to an endo in the area who has experience with transmen. Hopefully he'll be taking new patients and I can get in for bloodwork and consultation and whatnot eventually =)

We talked about how testosterone is kind of just a 'you get what you get' sort of thing(like puberty) and I made clear I knew that I didn't KNOW what I was getting and talked about how exercise is important if I want to keep a good shape/figure when going on T, and all that fun stuff.

Everything's moving fast but.... I'm not scared or overwhelmed. It all feels right. I'm concerned about what my parents are going to think. My mom knows I'm trans  but still doesn't totally know what that means. She told my dad w/out my knowledge and he's just kind of like: well what can you do about it?' I guess, like the same reaction he had when I told everyone I was gay last year/two years ago(don't remember).

But next week me, my older sis, and my mom are all going to therapy for a more informational meeting/discussion of my treatment plan. Should be interesting... I'm a bit nervous! Like I told my therapist though, the nice thing with being over 18 is that I /can/ do what I feel is necessary for my own well being, even though I want my family to be informed and supportive, I really can just do what I think is best for myself.

[Laura_7]

Well congratulations 


hugs