It never goes away

[Ciara]

For the past 4 months I have successfully managed all dysphoria, denied myself and lived as a man as I should........etc., etc.
This week I just could not deny myself any longer. I just had to dress and behave as the woman I am. While its good to be back, it just shows that the feelings never do go away. I'm going to have to buy some more clothes now ☺️.

[Jacqueline]

Yup. Always there in some form.

Good luck.

With warmth,

Joanna

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[chloeD33]

How did you manage dysporia for that long?

[chloeD33]

Whenever I trybi barley last more than a few weeks...

[Paige]

Yup. Always there in some form.

Perhaps this above all else is why I keep reading Susans.   I'm constantly hoping that someone figures a way to get rid of dysphoria or I can somehow find a way to transition without wrecking my family.  Lord knows I've tried over the last 50 years.  Every morning when I wake up, every hour, and just as I'm going to sleep, it's all I can think of.  I believe I'm slowly going insane. 

Paige

[Jacqueline]

Paige,

Not to be too flip but as I understand it, transition is how to beat it but that is an issue within your constraints. I understand and wanted to beat it without effecting my family when I came to grips 6-7 months ago.  I was either unaware or in deep denial for those 50 years you speak of. I thought everybody felt like that...

So, now I am prepping to do slow, low level, measured steps. After each, my wife and I re-evaluate. I am just prepped to start some blockers and maybe HRT and my anxiety has dropped quite a bit. Still fighting dysphoria off and on. Still think about changing often... but better most of the time.

Wish you all smooth journeys.

With warmth,

Joanna

Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk

[Laura_7]

Perhaps this above all else is why I keep reading Susans.   I'm constantly hoping that someone figures a way to get rid of dysphoria or I can somehow find a way to transition without wrecking my family.  Lord knows I've tried over the last 50 years.  Every morning when I wake up, every hour, and just as I'm going to sleep, it's all I can think of.  I believe I'm slowly going insane. 

Paige

You might look for a good gender therapist...
they might help you evaluate steps you might take...

well without guarantees but there are families that live happily thereafter... 
one person on another place wrote the only person not consenting was a stepdad and he was described as not a really good person anyway...
even their colleagues consented, and they said it was in glasgow, a place they considered rather conservative...

remember its a step by step process, it might be a bit daunting to look at the end result... just take the next step...


hugs

[Ciara]

How did you manage dysporia for that long?

Perhaps it's because I have 56 years practise. It's never easy though!!

[Lex Six]

Don't bother denying who you are, it only hurts you in the long run. Today I had to shave my whole body... just a compulsive decision. I feel right... smooth and nice. I even decided to go out and get the whole makeup "kit". I haven't attempted it yet but I know there's no going back, I'm going to face who I am. The clerk kind of gave me an odd look, on the outside I looked shy but on the inside I was laughing. She prob thought I was gay, I don't care. Normality is overrated.

[KatelynBG]

Great, I'm only 33 and I can only go maybe half an hour without at least 1 thought about my gender.

[Ciara]

Great, I'm only 33 and I can only go maybe half an hour without at least 1 thought about my gender.

I wouldn't say that my gender did no enter my mind over the four months. It just did not cause me any distress.
Right now I'm loving being a woman again.

[crushdani]

People always ask me how long I felt the way I did.  I remember being 7 or 8 and feeling this way, but having no idea what it was called or how to explain it until I got into my early teens and we got the internet finally.  I still fought it as much as I could until I was 27ish.  The feeling never goes away as hard as you try to get it to.  It's better to just be happy than to live and wonder.

[Ciara]

Perhaps this above all else is why I keep reading Susans.   I'm constantly hoping that someone figures a way to get rid of dysphoria or I can somehow find a way to transition without wrecking my family.  Lord knows I've tried over the last 50 years.  Every morning when I wake up, every hour, and just as I'm going to sleep, it's all I can think of.  I believe I'm slowly going insane. 

Paige

I know exactly how you fee Paige. I'm a similar age and have lived with different levels of dysphoria all my life. It became especially bad two years ago......gender was the only thought all day, every day. Self acceptance and support from friends here at Susan's helped. I will never come out or transition as to do so would wreck my family also, but I have learned to accept that.
However, denying the truth within me is never a long term solution. I have accepted that I am a woman in a man's body and continue to learn to live with that.
I wish you well.
Ciara.

[Ciara]

People always ask me how long I felt the way I did.  I remember being 7 or 8 and feeling this way, but having no idea what it was called or how to explain it until I got into my early teens and we got the internet finally.  I still fought it as much as I could until I was 27ish.  The feeling never goes away as hard as you try to get it to.  It's better to just be happy than to live and wonder.

For most of my life I thought I was a freak and nobody else had these feelings. It is only in the past ten years that I discovered there are many others like me. Now I know that the feelings are normal for people like me and I also know that I AM normal.

[Ciara]

Don't bother denying who you are, it only hurts you in the long run. Today I had to shave my whole body... just a compulsive decision. I feel right... smooth and nice. I even decided to go out and get the whole makeup "kit". I haven't attempted it yet but I know there's no going back, I'm going to face who I am. The clerk kind of gave me an odd look, on the outside I looked shy but on the inside I was laughing. She prob thought I was gay, I don't care. Normality is overrated.

I would love to shave my whole body but I think my wife would notice 😒.
I'm sure it must feel really nice.

[katrinaw]

Hmmm... Bit late to this, but here goes 

I have suffered, lived and managed my Dysphoria for 58 years. Dunno how I survived but I have and have reached beyond the point of hiding, lying and pretending... Yes it never does go away, and comes back, time and time again stronger each and every time!

I threw myself into work and bringing up a family, not sure which was the harder, hiding or working!

In hindsight, like most, I wish I had the courage, support and will power to have been who I really am way back, i didn't, couldn't and survived.

So with you there Ciara  my first stirrings were at 4, reality of Gender physical differences confirmed at 5... Ensuing 12 odd years was the worst period of my life...

Katy xxx

[Tessa James]

I agree with your thread title.  It was true in my life too.  We do, however, have a remarkable ability to fool ourselves and repress such feelings.  I was too successful in the purge and forget routine with years of events seemingly gone until i accepted myself.  Like so many, I previously talked myself into considering all kinds of other explanations such as being an alien or just making it all up.  You know, anything but the truth of being TRANSGENDER!

I also urge people to recognize that we may fool ourselves and even a lot of others but many of our significant others, family and friends may see us before we do.  They may see it in our depression, anger and withdrawal.  They may see it in our unguarded moments.  And many will say they knew before we told them, if we ever do.  Some of my friends were actually pissed that I didn't trust them to come out sooner.  My son saw me as a closeted sissy girl instead of one who is now proud to be out.  We really don't fool all the people all the time and we may actually be a better friend, parent and partner to those we love as our true selves vs the self loathing and depression.

[jessilynn]

I gotta put my two cents in here. I've been struggling to be who I am since I was 7 or 8, I am now 25.
I never gave it a second thought.
When I was younger, and my parents will back me up on this; I was always trying to go into the girls section to get my clothing all through school. When I was about 12, my parents explained to me "That is wrong little boys should not wear girls clothes. Men should dress as men. It's wrong if he dresses like a girl"

When I was 15, I found out what Transgender means, and I researched it and researched and researched. I came to terms with that's who I was. I was a girl... not a boy. I never was a boy, at least in the emotional sense.

My point here, Ciara. You should't try to suppress it. I mean you can't fake who you are. It does not work that way. You are who you are. If someone can't accept that, then it goes to show that well... they still live in the dark ages. Like my father.

Yeah people may look at you funny, but the main question you should be asking yourself is "Am I comfortable enough to walk out in public dressed up as who I TRUELY am, with pride? Or do I feel more comfortable wearing this mask, personifying this man society expects me to be?"

I asked myself this very same question and ended up throwing out all my male clothes. And honestly, I could not be happier with that decision

[Martine A.]

How did you manage dysporia for that long?

The last time I tried, it took 1,5 years to reach breakdowns.

It is harder when one knows there are things they can do. My longest period were decades from kindergarten, elementary school, high school and part of the uni. Even then I kept silent at the uni.

I am not hiding anymore. Too much of the life wasted.

[jessilynn]

The last time I tried, it took 1,5 years to reach breakdowns.

It is harder when one knows there are things they can do. My longest period were decades from kindergarten, elementary school, high school and part of the uni. Even then I kept silent at the uni.

I am not hiding anymore. Too much of the life wasted.

well said love.... well said