Dear Yidden,
Many of you have noticed my absence. On occasion I have said I am dealing with personal issues involving depression or anxiety. the root of these issues goes back many years. It is because I felt like I had a part of me which I had to hide. a part of who I am to everybody but myself (and even myself many times). This is because I am transgender. I am still myself in many ways, but some parts of will change. My appearance, clothing, voice, and mannerisms are changing so I can be more comfortable as myself and mitigate self-hatred and destructive emotions that come with it. I have been in therapy to deal with this, I go through a very painful procedure called electrolysis to remove facial hair when I can afford it. I will soon (b'ezrat Ha-Shem) start hormone replacement therapy and eventually go through surgery. i am also in the process of beginning to practice mitzvot that apply to women that I can practice. Although some people may have difficulty accepting this, I understand, this was frightening and difficult for me to accept too. I am hoping that people understand that I am just a jewish woman with some different life experiences than most women and a few physical defects which can be partly corrected through modern medicine. I am doing this so I can live and and not die, in the spiritual, emotional and even physical sense. G-d gives everyone challenges in life, mine is to simply have the courage to be myself and live my life a Jewish woman.
Shalom,
Rachel Leelah ******* (formerly known as **** *** *******)
