Quote from: KatelynBG on August 21, 2015, 07:45:03 PM
Another wifely discussion. I explained that the therapist has confirmed a diagnosis of gender dysphoria and that the only known form of treatment is to change the body to match the mind's image. I explained that it's not so simple for me because my wife and kids are everything in my life. She started to lose it and asked if I am like Bruce Jenner. I said I admire Caitlyn's courage but she's different than me. She asked me if I wanted to transition. I said, in a different time and place I probably would but that I wasn't sure losing my loved ones would make it worth it. She didn't like that answer and said, I need you to decide right now, me or transition.
And........ I........ really..... wanted.... to.... say.... transition..... it was right there, my heart was beating in my chest, I was sweating. All these forbidden dreams just waiting for me reach out and grasp them. The word was right on the tip of my tongue. I waited a half second too long and my beautiful 5 year old poked her head around the corner and said "I love you daddy." I physically felt my hopes and dreams collapsing in front of me. Looking into her big blue eyes I thought of all the good times we will have as a family and turned to my wife and said "I choose you."
And exactly how are you NOT like Bruce Jenner. Beyond the Kardashian thing and his/her FU money? I know I am almost exactly like Bruce, right down to living with a B-Cup for the past several years. Did he not wish he could transition, perhaps even on a daily basis, but for life circumstance cannot? For Decades? A lifetime?
I am not a person of letter (OK BSEE but I don't think that holds any weight). In my opinion the only known "Treatment" for GD is finding a means to self acceptance, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Gender dysphoria is not a binary situation. It is very broad spectrum that resides between cis-female and cis-male. What any of us need to do to manage our dysphoria is unique, yet similar. Often a moving target as we slowly shed a lifetime of Shame, Guilt, and Internalized Transphopia which are all deeply a part of the being trans experience.
I twice experimented with The Cure, aka transitioning, in my early 20's. Both times an utter failure. Did that prove I was NOT trans? I sure wished it did. I resigned to self-identifing as "just a CD++" 30 plus years later I set on on the path of working on myself. Hoping to find inner peace, self acceptance of who and what I am. Six years later I am just barely scratching the surface having no idea for sure if all I am meant to be is "Someone who does what is expected of them", or perhaps someone who can hold on to a dream, a goal, and take on adversities that the devil puts in my path to get me to loose the faith in myself and who I have become.
Perhaps by "Transitioning" your therapist is using the same definition I do. THe one right from the dictionary, "To Change". Over these past 6-7 years I have changed, a lot. I achieved a lot of personal growth. I grew emotionally, spiritually. I slowly came to accept that I am trans, even embrace it to a point. It may have been a weakness. One that has caused many/all of my life's total disasters. It has also been a strength I tried hard for decades to suppress, not recognize, to deny.
When asked if I am transitioning I am hesitant to say yes. My meaning is not the same as theirs. I've been on HRT for about 6 years now. Have a body I am happy to live in in spite of it's other flaws. I am actually happy being me. For the first time I can actually feel it was ME that did all those amazing things I have in my life that others have been saying I do/did. Yep, I am transitioning. Transitioning into that whole, healthy and happy person I set out to become six years ago. I may also start presenting full-time as female someday. Maybe not. It still does not change the fact that in my heart, in my soul, I knew I was a woman since like age 4. What has changed is see her looking back at me in the mirror most days and not "That sad old man" I see less and less of
